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Oh my God, how could I have been so stupid? My family already wants to take her away from me, and now this. Now they can because I’m a horrible person for allowing this to happen, just so I could be alone with Tiller.
“I was getting milk for the French toast,” Scarlet says, rushing to our side. “What’s wrong?”
“She was holding a razor blade and drawing faces in cocaine. Who are all these people here?”
Scarlet looks at the bodies on the floor, most passed out from last night’s party. “I don’t know. We. . . uh. . . I was just making breakfast. I only left her for a second to get milk out of the fridge in the garage.”
Holding River’s crying face to my chest, I rub her back. “I should have known. I should have never left her.”
“Don’t freak out.” Rubbing my shoulder, Scarlet tries to calm me down. “Everything’s fine.”
“How can everything be fine, Scarlet? She was just playing with cocaine. What if she ingested some?”
We both look at River as I set her on the counter. She doesn’t look high, but how’s that going to look if I call poison control and be like, “Yeah, so my kid might have ingested cocaine. Any suggestions?”
Jail. I’m looking at a life sentence in prison. I just know it.
Scarlet grabs my face between her hands. “Stop it. We’ll figure this out. Camden once accidentally sniffed cocaine and was totally fine. Then puked for two days straight. If we can deal with that, we can handle this.”
“What?” I panic, my heart beating a million miles an hour. “Holy shit. I have to get out of here. I can’t be here anymore.”
“I’ll watch her. Go upstairs and get your stuff and talk to Tiller.”
Hesitation roots me in place. I don’t want to leave her. I shouldn’t let her out of my sight, but I don’t want her present for what I’m going to need to say to Tiller.
I swallow over the bile rising up. “Please watch her. Don’t let her out of your sight.”
Scarlet nods, eyes wide. “I promise I won’t.”
Running upstairs, my heart threatens to explode in panic. How did I let this happen? How could I have been so stupid as to believe this could work so effortlessly?
Opening Tiller’s door, I slam it shut again. “I’m so fucked.”
Tiller startles awake like someone smacked him. I’m about to so it’s a good thing he’s up. “What?
“I’m such a fool,” I say, shoving clothes into my bag and trying to find all my stuff scattered over his floor.
“What’s going on?”
I pace the room. I don’t answer. I cry, because it’s the only thing I can think to do. The rush of everything hits me in the chest, and I gasp. I could lose River over this. I could. I might.No.No, I won’t allow it. I will fight for her even if it means giving up Tiller. For River, I have to make that choice. I can’t put her in danger like that ever again.
Tiller stands, yanking on a pair of shorts and coming to stand next to me. He tries to stop me, make me look at him, but I can’t, won’t. “Calm down and tell me what happened.”
After a minute, he physically stops me, grabbing my shoulders and yanking me to stand in front of him. I drop the bag I’m holding on his feet.
He cringes, but stares at me. “What’s going on?”
It takes me a minute to speak, but when I do, the words come out in a rush. “My niece. . . your daughter was just playing with cocaine on the table downstairs.”
His eyes widen. “What?”
“I can’t believe you are so irresponsible,” I tell him, wiggling from his grasp.
He stands there, his chest rising and falling with his every breath, his fists clenching at his sides. “They’re not my drugs!” The muscles in his jaw tick. “I haven’t done a goddamn line in two months.” And I believe him, but it doesn’t make this any better.
Our chests almost touch. Tiller tips his head down to look at me, the turmoil in his eyes lighting my soul on fire. “I know they’re not yours, but I can’t believe we were this irresponsible. If my parents find out, if Alexandra. . ..” A shiver of guilt runs through me at the thought. “I could lose her forever, Tiller. You could lose her forever. I can’t believe I ever thought this could work.”
Our eyes collide, the fires of hell in his, cold winter in mine. He’s looking at me without a hint of realization as to what this means. I swallow back the pain.