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“We will want to do that,” Laurie says, nodding. “You can stop by the hospital tomorrow morning and we can take care of that.” She looks to me now. “Now I’ve been informed you moved, is that correct?”
I draw in a deep breath, almost too nervous to speak. “Yes, I have a two-bedroom apartment now. I moved. . . uh, well I moved all of River’s things over there.”
Laurie makes a note on the pad of paper in front of her. “No judge is going to take custody away from the granted caregiver unless they feel the well-being of the child is in danger. In a case like this. . .” She pauses, gesturing to my parents, who look less than pleased. “We want to do a thorough investigation into where the child is living and the care being given to her. Now will she be living with you, Amberly, at your apartment full-time?”
Without hesitation, I nod, knowing River doesn’t belong at Tiller’s place. At least not yet, but I’m not going to stop him from seeing her.
The rest of the brunch, Laurie spends talking to River, alone, and then returns to where we’re sitting. “She seems happy, given the loss of her parents so recently, I’m not seeing anything that’s cause for concern,” she notes, to my parents’ dismay. I can tell by the look on their faces, an expression I saw growing up a lot, they’re not happy. How dare someone not side with them.
It’s when we’re leaving, River holding Tiller’s hand, swinging it in the air in front of me, when my mother pulls me aside. “We’re only looking out for River here.”
I step away, distancing myself, and move toward the front door. “No, you’re looking out for you, Mom. If you do this, if you try to take her from me, I will make sure you never see her again. I will move away with her and start a new life far away from you and Alexandra.”
I’m not sure I’d do it, but it’s my warning.
By the look on her face, my threat registers at least.
Proud I’m standing up for myself, I walk away, toward River and Tiller. Watching the two of them holding hands down the driveway, I’m all too aware I didn’t give her the gift of life, and Tiller may not have been a part of the first three years, but tragedy gave us the gift of her. It was up to us to not only honor her parents’ wishes, but their memory too.
River wouldn’t leave Tiller’s side all day. As it turns out, leaving her with him for two days apparently formed an inseparable bond. That leaves us at his house for another night and while I’m nervous about it, it makes me feel better that he kicked everyone but his brothers and Scarlet out of the house for the night.
River’s tucked away in the guest room down the hall, sleeping soundly in a pile of stuffed animals.
Do you see the two people in the bedroom alone? The girl, she’s so nervous she fears her heart is shaking in her chest and the boy, well, he’s certainly not a boy. He’s a man, and he’s smoking a cigarette near the window. If you look close enough, do you notice the subtle tremble to his hands?
It tells a lot about who he is, if you pay attention to the details.
These two people in the room together, they’ve been in love for a lifetime, but neither one of them will say the words.
My body is more than ready for him, but my heart is another story. I’m not sure if I trust my heart with someone like him, but I want to and that’s the only explanation I can give you as to how we ended up in his room together, alone.
His room, it’s bathed in flickering light. Candles. Everywhere. On the nightstand, the dresser, the floor.
“When did you do this?”
“When you were putting River to bed.” Glancing over his shoulder at the glass vases he’d placed candles in, he frowns at the ones that won’t stay lit. “In the movies, they have people who keep those lit. I’m sure of it. I’ve lit that fucker over there three times now.”
We both laugh lightly, his and my nerves relaxing slightly. I knew what would happen when I walked inside this room tonight, but it still didn’t prepare me. I’m nervous. Hesitation and heartache, I can’t explain.
My eyes meet Tiller’s. “What now?”
He steps closer. My breath catches in my throat, fearing what comes next. We’ve been here before, sure, but this is different. This time I know I’m not going to stop him from going further.
“I don’t know.” He teases with a grin, smoke filtering from his nose. “What do you think happens next?”
We both know the answer, but he wants me to say it. With a sudden burst of confidence—a trait I didn’t know I could ever have around someone like him—I square my shoulders and decide to tell him the truth, like he doesn’t already know. “I’m. . . a virgin.”
I feel like an idiot having said it out-loud.
Tiller’s eyes never leave mine. Slowly, he brings the cigarette in his hand to his lips, taking a long drag as he walks around behind me, his chest against my back. “Why do you want it to be me?” His smoky breath tickles, lips brushing my ear as he puts the cigarette out next to him.
Why do I want it to be him? Because he’s Tiller, and he’s the only man who’s ever really known me. Why wouldn’t I want him? I mean, look at the guy. You’d be crazy not to. I know his nickname with his brothers. The cherry picker. He’s taken the virginity of many, and I wonder if he’s ever asked this question of them.
My eyes close, my response stammered out like I’m cold. “I’ve always wanted it to beyou.”
His hands find residence on my hips. “That’s something you’re sure of?” One palm slides around my front, against my stomach as he draws me back against him.
My breath hitches, but I’m able to get out, “I’m sure.”