Page 76

“Boobees,” Camden says, barely able to keep Captain Crunch from flying out of his mouth.
I shake my head, trying to suppress my own laughter.
Roan comes downstairs next, looks at the kid, then me and shakes his head. Doesn’t even ask who she is. Doubt he cares. Guess who follows him downstairs?
Ophelia Hadley. Do you remember her? Bet ya do. I’ll refresh. Me. Her. Brother rivalry?
Glad you’re up to speed. Now, take a look at the death glare she gives me. She still hates me. And while we’re at it, it’s unwarranted if you ask me. It’s not like I forced her to have sex with me.
River jumps down off the stool and takes off upstairs. I’m assuming to get her blanket. She’s attached to it. Anyway, look back at what O’s wearing. Same clothes from last night.
I wink and reach for my coffee on the counter only to have Roan take it and dump it down the drain. Fuck face. “You finally close the deal?”
Ophelia glares at me. “You’re such as ass.”
“Yeah, well,” I reach for an orange on the counter and toss it at Roan’s head, “I should have fucked you in the ass.”
Take a guess as to what happens next? A wild fucking guess.
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Incredibly lame. Roan picks the orange off the floor. It missed his head. Then smiles at me and walks off with his arm around O and back upstairs.
Scarlet appears out of nowhere and shoves her phone in my face, showing me a weather warning on her phone. “It’s supposed to be like a hundred today. We shouldn’t go outside with River because of the air quality.”
“We? Asmeandyou? When did we become a couple?”
“Since you brought her adorable butt into my life. Don’t fuck this up. I love her.” She looks proud, doesn’t she. She’s also drinking an iced coffee and I’m thirsty. So I take it from her because Roan dumped mine out.
Big mistake. It tastes like chocolate cake and I hate chocolate. “What is this shit, Northwest?”
“Coffee.” She rips it from my hands. “And mine.”
There I sit, no coffee, and realize River never came back downstairs. Are you panicked?
Uh, you should be. Last time she was alone she got into lube.
Camden’s on the couch, stuck in Mario land. I knock the side of his head with my hand. “Where’d the girl go?”
“I don’t know.” He doesn’t look up from his video game. “She’s not mine.”
He has a valid point. Upstairs I go.
“River? Where ya at?”
I find her in the bathroom, lights off, standing in the doorway. “I here!” she announces, all smiles and bubbly. “Beauty and the Beast?”
Ten minutes later and a very angry Camden for being forced to watchBeauty and the Beast, River and I sit on the couch with her wearing my helmet. For one, she loves it and two, I’m slightly concerned about the air quality in the house due to the broken window not being fixed, I’m protecting her lungs. Not all that great because there’s no visor on dirt bike helmets. But it’s the thought that counts.
Did River’s events upstairs go unnoticed? Nope. I’ll get to that soon.
It starts with the smell. That ungodly smell of shit. And, more importantly, it’s coming from River. I try to ignore it, because hey, maybe the kid farted and I don’t want to embarrass her, so I let it go. Until I can’t anymore. It’s awful.
I pause the movie. “River, did you fart?”
“No!” And yes, she yells her answer in my face.
Again, I try to ignore it, but it’s impossible.
“Seriously, River, what’s that smell?”