Page 35

You’d think I would have gotten kicked off the tour with that stunt I pulled in Los Angles, two weeks ago, right?
Ha. No such fucking luck. Motherfuckers are ruthless. Here I am at round three of After Dark and completely fucking miserable. Remind me to be sober the next time I sign contract negotiations and also, while you’re at it, remind me I fucking hate these goddamn judges, and especially Doug Johnson.
“Talk Dirty” by Jason Derulo blaring through the PA system. Scarlet’s beside me in the pits, perched on the lift stand and watching with rapt attention. I don’t know why this is, but she’s always trying to figure me out. “Do you ever think girls look at you and think hey, if I got knocked up by him, it could potentially lead to a life of disappointment, meth, and possibly prostitution?”
Scarlet’s trying to be funny. The jokes about kids hasn’t stopped since the day Amberly showed up at the house. She’s trying like hell to get it out of me who the kid was, but I refuse. Naturally. I’m a secretive fuck. “Oh, probably.”
I’m only half paying attention to Scarlet because it’s who I notice in the distance, near the concession stands that takes my attention and holds it for longer than I’d like. Amberly with the girl at her feet, holding onto her leg like her life depends on it.
Unintentionally, my grip tightens on my helmet in my lap, and I stand and make my way to the fence, leaning in to it to get a better look at what’s going on with them. I don’t think I’m going to go over there, but I don’t know for sure because I’m irrational and always unpredictable.
My jaw clenches when Cody—Parker’s bike mechanic—hands the girl a bag of popcorn, and one to Amberly.
Fuck, am I jealous of him?
Goddamnit, I am. What kind of bullshit is this? When have I ever been jealous?
Um,alwayswhen it comes to her. Amberly’s been mine for longer than she knows and nothing usually stops me from proving that to others, just not her.
My fists clench. Turning around, I stare at my bike, wanting to kick it to the ground. Anything to take this aggression out on something.
Scarlet stands, jabbing her fist into my shoulder. “Fine, ignore me completely.”
I do. She leaves.
Out of the corner of my eye, Cody kneels next to River, tickling her sides. I want to break his motherfucking hands for touching my daughter.
My daughter? Why do I care? She doesn’t need to know who I am let alone me be concerned with who’s touching her. Fuck, man, what the hell’s wrong with me?
I wait until the kid’s out of sight, tucked away in the Jett Industries trailer behind the booth before I make my way over to Amberly. “Back to work?” I ask, casually leaning like my heart’s not pounding in my chest and my blood’s not boiling in my veins.
Amberly drags her head up to meet my gaze. Shit. Do you see the distaste? She hates my fucking guts. Can’t say I blame her. “I don’t like you, so I’m not talking to you.”
“You’re talking to me now.” I smirk, my eyes on Cody. “And the flush of your cheeks anytime I’m around tells me otherwise.”
Her reaction to me jolts my dick to life.
“I’m serious,” she warns. “You’re being a brat.” Do you see that look? The one she offers right before her eyes fall to the steering stabilizer box in her hand? That’s the one that tells me otherwise. Sure, she wants to act like she hates me, but all these years, it’s my callousness that draws her in, confines and shackles her to the floor.
“Brat?” I raise an eyebrow. “What am I, five?” Does she catch the meaning behind the age I give her? Probably not. When I was five years old, I gave Amberly a flower and asked if I could kiss her. She said no, so I ate the rose. I don’t know why I ate the rose, but I did.
Sighing, I run my hands through my hair. “I’m being adick.” And then I whisper in her ear, “Can you say dick? Are you capable of cursing?”
Her lashes flutter and her hands fidget with her braid draped over her shoulder, unable to walk away from me. “I’m ignoring you.”
But she’s not. Shecan’t. And somehow, her saying that makes everything else around us fade away and my self-control, what little I have with her, keeps me from bending her over and fucking her ass.
“How’s parenthood treating you?” I ask, knowing it’ll piss her off and further excite me. “Have you joined a mommy and me group yet? Maybe googled how to keep your kid from playing with dead reptiles?”
Now she looks at me. Actually no, that’s a glare. “You’re like an emotional terrorist.” She drops her hands to her sides, tiny fists she wishes she could pound into my lifeless chest. “Why are you being such a jerk? How is it possible for you to make fun of the situation? River is your daughter. Your flesh and blood.”
The words, “River is your daughter,” hangs with me, a pain hitting my chest at the word daughter and the fact that I know her name now. Maybe she told me back at the house, I don’t remember, but I don’t give my emotions away. I never do, so I chuckle, keeping my eyes on hers. I want her to see, if she can, what she’s hoping for just isn’t going to happen. And I can’t even tell her why, just that I know I can’t give what she wants. “What do you want from me? Ava didn’t tell me for a good reason. Being an asshole is what I do and besides, what do you care?” I give a dismissive nod to the trailer. I want to take a wrench to Cody’s face for being in there with her. “Looks like you and Cody are making a cozy family.”
“He’s just being nice. You should take some lessons from him.”
I glance at the trailer once more. “Nah, I’ll pass. Why are you bringing the kid everywhere?”
“She’s not a dog, Tiller,” she barks. “I can’t put her in a kennel. Where I go, she goes. It’s not like I can afford a babysitter every time I have to go away. She’s having a hard time and missing her parents, and I’m not going to leave her when she needs me.”