Page 79

Reaching for my cell phone, I call Scarlet. Shade’s bedroom is on the other side of the house, and there’s no way they can hear me yell for them.
She doesn’t answer. So I keep calling until she does.
“Why are you calling me at one in the morning? Did you misplace the kid?”
“No,” I scoff, annoyed she would think such a thing. “She’s staring at me. Come in my room.”
“No. Way.” The last time Scarlet came in my room, she walked in on me fucking a chick in the ass while doing lines off her back. She swore she’d never come in my room again. Justifiably I guess.
“Get your ass in here,” I snap. “It’s important.”
She groans into the phone. “Fine.”
It’s five long minutes of River trying to get in my bed and me telling her no before Scarlet appears at my door, dressed in one of Shade’s jersey’s and her hair all over the place. She pushes her hand up her forehead to move the thick locks of curly hair from her face to see me. “What?”
She’s not wearing a bra either, and I have to avert my eyes from her chest because though Scarlet has the smallest tits I’ve ever seen, they’re still tits and my eyes automatically gravitate toward her nipples poking through the thin material of the FOX jersey she’s wearing. “Get her out of here.” For obvious reasons, I take my pillow and smash it into my crotch.
“Why? She wants you.” Scarlet can barely keep her eyes open. “You called me in here for this?”
“I’m naked,” I mouth, looking around a now crying River at the edge of my bed.
“Oh my God, you’re such an asshole.” She picks up River from the floor, distracts her, and tosses me my shorts on the floor.
I’ve never gotten dressed so fast in my life.
Once I have the shorts on, Scarlet sets River on my bed. “Maybe you should take her downstairs.”
I hesitate, trying to remove stuffed animals from the bed only to have River toss them back at me. “Why?”
“Your bed is tainted.”
I wave her off. “Go away.”
Scarlet stumbles out of the room, turns off the light and leaves me with River in my bed. And that’s when I start obsessing over what Scarlet said.My bed’s tainted.I wouldn’t say tainted.
Ignore her. My bed’s fine. Are you paying attention? Look down at the bed, curled up in my arms and surrounded by stuffed animals.
I’m jealous of the peaceful way she sleeps. I can’t ever remember it being like that for me. It takes me hours to fall asleep and that’sifI get to sleep. My stare drifts to my nightstand and what’s inside of it. What I should destroy. I haven’t touched drugs since she’s been here. My chest hurts, pounds steadily knowing it’snotan answer, but nonetheless, it’s a remedy I want at the moment when sleep doesn’t come.
One I won’t touch while she’s here.
I take a deep breath and push the feelings of guilt I don’t understand aside, wishing I could wrap my mind around everything that’s happened in the last few days, or what I’m doing in this kid’s life. Am I enough?
Mom: Brunch will be at 10:00 a.m. We will discuss everything with our lawyer then.
Ugh. That’s your response too, admit it.
I know one thing, Tiller is going to kill me.
There I am, in the driveway of the Sawyer mansion, parked next to a wrecked bright yellow Maserati GranTurismo and on the other side of that, parked haphazardly on the lawn and boulders, like someone jumped it, a Honda CX650 Scrambler. I don’t even want to know why that’s there, and why the side of the Maserati has what looks to be tire tread on the hood that matches the Scrambler.
I really hope River wasn’t involved in any of that. It’s been two days, but with the help of Willa and a little from Alexandra, I was able to get my entire apartment and River’s stuff packed and into the new place.
And that brings me here. I decide I can’t wait any longer to see River. And if I’m being honest, Tiller. At two in the morning, I make my way inside the house. Not that the door is ever locked.
The house is dark and quiet, and if you’ve ever been inside the Sawyer mansion, those two alone are something you never see. Even in the middle of the night, lights are on and there’s usually someone up, and most of the time, they don’t even live there.
Keeping my steps light, I walk around the main floor looking for Tiller.