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His jaw tenses, his eyes narrow on me, then he blinks slowly. I notice his breathing increases and then he swallows as though he’s unsure what to do next. Get this. . . he saysnothing. And I can’t tell if it’s that he wants to, or that he does and doesn’t know how to say it.
There are no more words, and just like his fingers inside me, he doesn’t wait to push all the way in, painfully taking my virginity with it and breathlessly telling me, “No sense in easing into it. It’ll hurt less this way.”
And I believe him, because he’s done this so many times.
It’s a lie. It hurts so bad!
The moment he enters me, it’s nothing like I anticipated. It’s more. It’s everything to be touched like this, by him, to have him insides me, the one with sad eyes.
He curses under his breath, his muscles tightening beneath his skin as he halts deep inside of me. “Jesus Christ, you’re so fuckin’ tight.”
I want to say, yeah, dude, virgin here, but I don’t because one, I’m in pain and two, he’s staring at me. I don’t know what he’s thinking. So much is hidden behind his dark eyes. Is he. . . nervous? No, that’s not a nervous look. Conflicted? Confused? Regretful?
I touch the side of his face. “What are you thinking?”
But then he asks me, as if he’s worried, “Are you okay?” His body trembles ever so slightly, never answering my question.
I nod, but it’s a lie. This is scary and crazy and I’m super worried about my vagina, and my heart. This is huge. I’m giving this part of myself to Tiller, and I fear I’ve just lost what little I had left keeping him in my life. He now owns every part of me and what happens next? Am I tossed aside like every other girl?
His movements are slower than I would expect them to be and for me, it’s painful and unfortunately, detached. The emotions in his eyes contradict his actions and despite him being inside me, taking my virginity, I have the physical side of him, but I don’t have his heart.
With every movement, I’m reminded of how much it hurts. Maybe that’s why I had waited so long. I’ve never been one for pain and I don’t feel pleasure yet. It’s a good thing he was nice enough to get me off before this because the pain’s so bad I don’t think I can relax enough to actually enjoy it.
Tiller’s held up by his arms. There’s distance between our bodies as he moves in and out of me, but it’s not enough. I don’t want any space between us. Not while I’m giving him the one thing I’ve held onto for so long when it comes to him. “Come closer.”
He looks concerned and he blinks. Twice. “Why?”
“It hurts. Be a gentleman and cuddle me.”
His eyebrow raises. “Do I look like I cuddle?”
“Not particularly, but can you at least try?”
I watch his face, but he gives nothing away as he lowers himself on top of me.
My arms wrap around his tense back as I cling to his body. He doesn’t move, his warm breath panting against the side of my neck. I think about all the women he’s been with. I hate that I do. I even think about Ava in that moment.
“Give me something you don’t give them,” I whisper, knowing he’ll understand what I mean.
His jaw tightens. “I am.” I don’t know what he means, and I’m not entirely sure he does either.
Swallowing, he lowers his chest to mine. Bracing his hands above me on the headboard, he moves again.
He thrusts come hard, moving me up the bed until my head hits his headboard. It thumps against the wall, and when he notices, he places his hand over the top of my head protecting it. It’s probably the nicest thing he’s done for me.
I’ve read enough romance novels, apparently not ones with guys like Tiller as the hero, but in all of them, there’s romance and candles as they slowly make love. Not me. While I have the candles, I also get Tiller Sawyer fucking me on ninja turtle sheets as my head pile drives the headboard. It’s perfect in the most unconventional way.
He’s relentless and I’m desperate to make this last. I cherish every minute, every touch, every movement of the way his body feels against mine and the closeness he provides me.
My first real pleasure comes when he bites my neck, teeth scraping the tender flesh in a painful nibble.
Clinging to him with everything I have, I never want this to end, despite the pain.
His breathing is harsh, quick gasps of air through a tight jaw. “Fuck. Your pussy’s so tight.”
Believe it or not, I do start to feel pleasure. It’s when he’s kissing me that I finally relax enough to enjoy it. My orgasm comes eventually, with his persistence and determination to drag this out with every angle of his hips against mine. It courses through me, my body tensing underneath him, my heels gripping him tightly and my arms tightening around his neck. In the midst of my orgasm, I pull him closer, the movement doing nothing to slow him down, drawing out the blissful high with every pump of his muscular hips.
With a grunt, he drives into me, unrelenting, unapologetic in every way. Everything about Tiller screams aggressive and his love making is no different. His touches, hard and aggressive, each one sends a jolt of arousal through me, confirming who he is.