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Tension knots in my shoulders. “What the fuck do you want?”
The line goes dead.
All right, so not the best way to answer the phone. Are you mad? Are you thinking, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? Sweetheart, you certainly ain’t the only one.
A naked girl touches my shoulder, sliding her arm inside of mine. “Hey, baby, wanna get in the pool with me?”
I look at her, my eyes drifting over her tight tanned body. Both her nipples are pierced. That’s what I notice about her, and pretty much only that. “No.”
I’m an idiot, but she’s not what I want tonight.
The girl looks offended, much like the one from earlier. “What’s your problem tonight?”
I laugh. Kind of manically. “Honey,everythingis my fuckin’ problem.”
She leaves.
Do you notice me there? Standing next to the pool, glaring at the carefree people who use our place as an outlet? I’m shaking with anger, my body vibrating with years of uncontrolled misery. I’m impulsive, my chest tight with resentment fueling rage I don’t care to control.
Looking around, all these fucking people, they’re here to see us. The Sawyer brothers. Three crazy, delusional motherfuckers who don’t even know themselves let alone who they are. This place is supposed to be our sanctuary, but now it’s theirs.
“Fuck this bullshit,” I say to no one in particular. Tossing the phone aside, I find the coke and do a line off a nameless chick’s tits and let her suck my dick in the bathroom.
Predictably, and feeling anxious and wired, I take off on my dirt bike to the track. When you’re already somewhat hyperactive and intense by nature, you don’t need drugs and adrenaline. It’s a descent into madness and usually a place I find the most comfort in.
I think you know where the night goes from here, don’t you?
What happens when you take that same hyperactive asshole with the destructive tendencies high on cocaine? Add a lingering adrenaline rush, a pool, lots of naked girls and a birthday cake from someone.
Add more alcohol.
And more nakedness.
It goes something like this, I get off the dirt bike and dive fully dressed into the pool. Then a cake arrives, a naked woman inside of it, a food fight on the pool deck. I strip naked.
Reasoning? Clothes are dirty. Not lying.
Still high, I became convinced that a monster that looked like the Predator was chasing me with machine guns and harpoons. It was a nightmare I’ve had a time or two and now it plays out before me. Scariest shit since I was in Peru and convinced myself, while high on mushrooms, that a witch doctor had transplanted a little Mexican man’s face on mine through invasive surgery I swore for two months I had. I haven’t touched mushrooms since.
Essentially, tonight—while high on cocaine and running from the Predator—I somehow fall in the fire pit. Or maybe I jumped in it? You can never be sure when it comes to me. Knowing myself, I probably thought I was fire-resistant and decided to test the theory. I’m going with the latter. It’s more believable than me falling because I have impeccable balance even when high.
“If you remember correctly, I picked cactus spines out of your ass,” I point out to Scarlet when she refuses to apply burn cream on my ass cheek.
She doesn’t look amused. Maybe because I woke her up at four in the morning, still naked, and insist she help me. “No way.”
Scrubbing her hands over her face, Scarlet stares at me like I’ve lost my mind. Which, if you know me by now, isn’t surprising. Or maybe you don’t know me. Maybe you haven’t listened to a goddamn thing I’ve told you, but I suppose even then I can’t blame you for that. Just like I can’t blame Scarlet for looking at me like I’ve lost my mind.
I have. A long time ago.
“Have you even slept at all?”
I shrug and walk away from her, still completely naked. I think about what she asked. When did I sleep last? I don’t remember the last time. Three days? Or has it been four already?
I’m afraid to sleep. Not because of nightmares or the burns on my fucking ass. I’m afraid my mind won’t let me.
As I expected, I lie awake, wishing for sleep, but usually it never comes.
This happens every night and after a while, I’ll do anything to close my eyes and keep them closed long enough I can get at least a few hours.