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Shade rides by on his dirt bike heading to the foam pit to work on his jumps. He takes a double take at River. “Are you insane?”
“Yes. And she’s fine. Look. She loved it.”
“Amberly’s going to kill you.”
Turning River around, I rev the bike, shifting into first gear. “Not if you don’t tell her.”
Shade takes off ahead of us and takes the first jump while doing a 360. That gets River’s attention for sure. She points at him, her voice muffled under the helmet when she yells out, “I wanna do that!”
“That?”
Her tiny body tenses with excitement. “Yeah!”
“Um, no.” I might be crazy but taking a kid on a jump is not safe. I once did a backflip with Camden on my bike, but he knew to not let go. I can’t say he went unscathed either. When we landed, his front teeth split his top lip in half. In. Half. Took ten stitches and a week of pudding for the kid, but he says he doesn’t regret it.
But then she says, “Pease.”
Well shit, how do you say no to the word pease? Something strangely adorable about the missing L.
With my heart pounding faster than any high I’ve ever had, I take her on a jump and guess what? We land perfectly, but I know she’s my daughter when she screams in my face and points to the seventy-five-foot ramp we use for training that stretches over the irrigation ditch. The same one I landed in when I greased the landing and ended up with a broken wrist and bit by a rattle snake I disrupted in the process.
“Dat one! Do dat one!”
“No way.” I draw the line. “Come on. I’ll toss you in the foam pit.”
Any time we’re working on a trick, we practice it in the foam pit first. It’s far more forgiving that dirt. So I set her up on that and jump off with her on my bike, hoping it doesn’t crush her. I mean, she has a helmet on. It’s all good. And then guess what happens?
Don’t freak out, but I lose her. It’s like fucking fifteen-feet deep so I have to do some searching. But I find her missing a shoe with a big grin and ready to go again.
Her bright eyes beam. “This is the best day of my life.”
I don’t say anything to her, at least not to that effect, but her words rattle around in my head as I attempt to make sense of them. I can’t, other than the way they make my heart swell and my words choke. “Wait until you see our candy wall inside the house.”
She likes the idea of that. I run my hand through my hair and take a deep breath, watching her. One girl who’s three feet tall, and she has the power to unravel everything I’d held onto for so long.
I’m having one of those panic attacks where I’m pretty sure I need a paper bag and maybe even some Xanax chewable. I’ve never been good at swallowing pills. They make them in a chewable form, right? It’s probably better that they don’t because then it’d be like those Flintstone vitamins I had as a child and I ate the whole bottle in one sitting thinking they were gummy bears.
I had to have my stomach pumped, but that’s a story for another day. Let’s just say if you give me something, and I like it, I’m going to finish it.
I’m nauseas. What if she gets hurt? This is crazy. I need to go get her.
No, you don’t.
And now I’m talking to myself. Awesome. Do you see me in the driveway of Ava’s house? I’m the one parked behind the moving van, next to Alexandra’s Mercedes. Why she’s not on her honeymoon is a mystery to me. Probably didn’t go because of what happened at the wedding and she’s going to blame it on me.
When I walk into Ava and Cullen’s house, Kona greets me immediately. I had left him in the kennel when I left this morning which means Alexandra let him out. His tail wags like he’s happy to see me, but Alexandra, I can’t say the same for her. She looks kinda of pissed, oh, wait, that’s just her usual look.
Looking around me, she stares blankly. “Where’s River?”
Pushing the front door closed with my foot, I grab Kona by the collar so he doesn’t get out the front door. “With Tiller for a few days. I don’t want her here while we move out the only life she’s known.”
Her face screws from pissed to unbelieving. “Are you crazy? Why would you leave her with Tiller?”
Rolling my eyes, I pat my thigh, coaxing Kona as I move through the formal living room and attempt to get him to the backyard. It’ll make moving boxes out easier without him under our feet. “He’s her dad, Alexandra.”
“No, Cullen was her dad. Tiller is just a guy who apparently gave them what they wanted. He has no business being around her.”
I stop walking once I’m in the kitchen and turn to face her. “He’s not going to hurt her. Despite what you and our parents think.” I wonder if she understands the meaning, and if she had anything to do with them filing a petition for custody. Look at her, she did.