Page 115

He frowns. “Then I don’t accept your apology.”
I steal the game controller in his hand. “Fuck that. I’m taking this then.”
We wrestle on the couch for it when commotion at the door draws my attention. It’s Amberly and River. Scarlet and Shade offered to watch River for the night. Said they’ll actually watch her. I’m not sure why, but Amberly agreed to give it another shot. For River’s sake because she’d been begging to come over.
I stand. Amberly stands there, too, smiling, and gestures to River. Take a look at her. She has a sleeping bag and a pillow and the cutest fucking grin I’ve ever seen.
“I get to stay over!” River exclaims, looking to Camden like he should be as excited as she is.
I kick him. “Cool, kid,” he says, snapping out of his pre-teen I’m-cool phase and pats the couch. “Me too.”
Amberly’s eyes drift to the coffee table Camden’s feet are propped on, then fade to me. She swallows. Is she remembering what River got into on this very table?
I try not to read too much into it, but then she asks, “Do you think it’s a good idea?”
I chuckle, attempting to shake the thoughts of what she’s really thinking aside. “You left her with me overnight. I’m pretty sure they’re more responsible than me.”
Her eyes soften, her posture relaxes. “Good point.”
I take a moment to look over what she’s wearing. A lilac sun dress that compliments the darker purple in her hair. Her makeup, effortless and barely there, just the way I remember her beauty. She’s naturally pretty and doesn’t need all that other shit.
Scarlet appears, wraps an arm around Amberly, but keeps something hidden behind her back. “You kids have a great time.” And then she flops next to Camden and River. “So what should we do tonight?”
“Get tattoos!” River shouts.
Camden nods. “I’ve been thinking it’s time for some ink.”
They’re joking, well, kind of. They could be serious, but I know Scarlet has more sense than that.
“Perfect.” Scarlet pulls out what she had behind her back. Tattoo gel pens. “Let’s do it.”
Once the gel pens are out, River loses interest in us. Doesn’t even say goodbye when Amberly annoys her by giving her a million kisses. I have to drag her out the door to get her to go out with me. But she agreed so there’s a step in the right direction.
It’s when we’re in my truck, on the way to one of the only restaurants I haven’t been banned from that she asks, “Do you love me, Tiller?”
I look over at her. I pull the truck over and down a backroad. I can’t be driving for this conversation.
My heart beats and everything I wanted before today, before the girl, fades out. “I think you know my answer.”
Her cheeks warm and she smiles, twisting to face me, but it’s not bright, it’s. . . tender. “But I’d like you to say it.”
She’s cute, adorable even, but love isn’t cute. It’s raw and destructive. “And if I don’t?”
By the look on her face, I know these are words she’s alwayswantedto hear. I told myself a long time ago if I was ever going to say them to a girl, they’d be said to this one.
Christ, just fucking say it. She deserves to hear it and, in some ways, I’m fucking terrified to say them, afraid they won’t hold the meaning she wants or that I’ll choke on the words.
I want to ask a million questions I don’t want the answers to. Ones that could break me forever. I touch her face with my hand. “Just as pretty as I remember.” My thumb runs over her bottom lip. My heart kicks in my chest, my breathing heavy, fire in my eyes for her. I stare at her, searching for the words I need. Dropping my hand from her, I run it over the back of my neck and sigh, searching for courage. I finally say, “I love you.”
Want to know the shitty part? I wasn’t looking at her when I said it. Couldn’t. I’ve never told anyone I love them. Ever.
But then Amberly says nothing in return. Not a goddamn word. She just stares at me like I might have lost my mind.
“Say something,” I demand.
Her eyes close. She draws in a deep breath and then her eyes open and she looks at me. They’re wide and hopeful and I’m relieved by her reaction. “I’ve loved you longer than I’ve loved myself.”
Do those words sting your heart like they do mine? It’s a brutal truth she’s never admitted, but I’ve always known.