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Lies. All fucking lies.
“It’s awful!” Shade shouts, trying to get a still slippery River to sit down. I don’t like her standing up in the tub. Not only am I afraid she’s going to fall, but she’s naked and it’s really weird. I keep thinking it’s not appropriate to have her in there with no clothes, but then again, that’s how it’s supposed to be, right? I’m so confused on the rules of children.
“I gotta go,” I tell Amberly, tossing the phone aside when Shade ends up in the tub with her. He apparently tried to add hot water because it was getting cold, slipped on the edge because of the lube, and went swimming. “Get out of there you fool.”
River thinks it’s cool as shit she has a swim partner and guess what she does next?
No, really, just guess. I’ll wait. Because I don’t think you’re going to get it.
.
.
.
Okay, I’ll tell you now. She sat on his face.
Imagine the horror, right?
I help him out of the tub and he levels me a shocked look of complete and utter disgust. “You know, Scarlet wants a baby, butno wayI’m having one now.”
I have to laugh. Admit it, you are too. “I have no idea how women do this.”
We, as in me, Shade, and Scarlet, get River dressed in her pajamas and in bed where we turn on her favorite movie. Do you see the four of us in the king-size bed surrounded by probably every stuffed animal River owns? We look pretty fucking cozy, don’t we?
Ha. Funny. I look uncomfortable. You’re probably wondering how Scarlet returned to the picture, huh? Shade and I convinced her it was part of her “PR” duties to take care of the kid and if she doesn’t, Amberly could potentially sue her. She’s fucking gullible as hell.
Shade looks over at River when she’s sound asleep against Scarlet’s non-existent tits. “Those are mine,” he remarks, sitting up, not happy he’s sharing her with a child. And then he stares at River, her pink cheeks and damp shiny skin. “She’s actually pretty cute.”
I shoot him a look of disbelief. “Look at her father. Of course she’s cute.”
There’s a smug look of satisfaction on his face I don’t appreciate. “I knew you were her dad.”
Scarlet’s eyes brighten and she kisses the top of River’s head. “I’m going to be the best aunt ever.”
For fuck’s sake, when did we all become so domesticated?
You know how the first night went. The next morning, I take River downstairs, cover up the naked guy who sleeps on the table we never eat at, and hand her a bowl of Captain Crunch. That’s when Camden shows up, dressed in board shorts, no shirt, and shades. He’s looking more and more like Shade these days. Probably because he’s trying to win Scarlet’s affection.
“What are you doing here? Isn’t it a school day?”
He stares at me as he’s pouring himself a bowl of cereal. “It’s summer.”
Right. I knew that. Or did I? What day of the week is it?
“Whose kid is that?”
“I don’t know. She showed up at our door one day and only comes over to eat our food. Sound familiar?”
He shrugs. Obviously I’m referring to him and wink at River as he lifts his sunglasses.
“Wanna hear a joke?”
She stops chewing her cereal and nods. “Yes.”
“Where do bees get milk?”
“A cow?”