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With that said. . . do you see the brown-haired brown-eyed toddler in front of me? The little one staring at me with wide clueless eyes holding a bottle of lube.
This is a problem. A big one. That brings me to the bathroom as I attempt to bath her.
Scarlet looks at me and Shade wearing goggles and attempting to get a very slippery, very naked River in the tub. “You fools can’t handle shit.” And then she realizes how shiny River is. “What’s on her?”
I’m almost embarrassed to say, but my sell-out brother has no problems blurting out, “She found lube in Tiller’s room and thought it was lotion.”
“Tiller!” Scarlet scolds, like I’m the child in this situation.
I play the best poker face. Running my hand through my hair, I wink at her. “I got this.”
I don’t have this. Not even a little.
And I gotta say, it wasn’t my proudest moment that she found lube and decided to rub herself down with it. Oh well. She’s three. It’s not like she’s going to look back on this night and be like, that’s where my life went wrong. The night I spent the night with Tiller. I mean, let’s be honest, there are some girls out there who think that—and justifiably so—but I doubt River will remember this in a week.
Scarlet holds up her hands. “I’m out.” And then she leaves us alone in my bathroom where we’re bathing her. I say “we” because I basically blackmailed Shade and told him if he didn’t, I would tell Scarlet how he got so drunk in Belize he let the maid jerk him off in the elevator because she had blonde curls and he honest to God thought it was Scarlet. I may have had something to do with that.
“We should call Willa,” I say, like I have this bright idea. “She made me watch B earlier. She owes me.”
Shade rolls his eyes. “I’m going to bed. This is ridiculous. Tell her, I don’t even care at this point. You’re the one who didn’t use protection and got this!” He gestures to River—who’s staring at us like we’ve lost our minds.
I scowl at my brother. “I hate you. For fuck’s sake,” I groan, throwing my head back. “I can’t believe I resorted to this for pussy.”
River snaps her eyes my direction, like I’ve said something exciting to her. “What’s pussy?”
Your grandfather.
She apparently didn’t hear it the first time when I called the beast a pussy for not fighting, but now it’s like a brand-new word for her.
Shade leans over and slaps my goddamn ear with his wet hand. “Don’t cuss around her.”
“You literally just did. Why am I not supposed to and you can?”
“Because I’m not a dad,” he has the nerve to point out.
And because I haven’t suffered enough today, River takes a bowl of water—thanks to Shade for handing her a bowl—and tosses it at my face.
While I’m covered in water, mostly my face, I remember back to when River said she peed in the tub. “Did you pee in there?”
She grins.
I’m 96 percent sure she did that shit on purpose, and I might have actually swallowed some of it.
And while we’re at it, I don’t like how casual Shade’s being about this. He doesn’t seem concerned at all that I’m covered in water from head to toe, as is the bathroom floor and parts of him.
“You did that on purpose,” I accuse, reaching for the towel next to the tub to wipe my face off.
“No.” He laughs. “I don’t think I did.”
My phone rings in my pocket. Pushing my finger to my lips, I stare at River who’s cackling in the tub like she’s had too much sugar. She has. Did I mention I let her have ice cream for dinner and it’s like eleven at night and she’s still awake? Minor details here. “Stay quiet or she’ll know we have no idea what we’re doing.”
“We?” Shade points to himself, his hair and chest soaked in water and lube. He looks like he’s preparing for a photoshoot or a porno. “I don’t want any part of this.”
“Don’t make a sound!” I tell River and answer the phone. “Hey.”
“How are things?” she asks, sighing into the phone. “She’s still alive, right?”
It’s been a disaster but no way I’m telling Amberly that. “It’s good.”