Page 65 of Your Biggest Downfall (Ravens Hockey #3)

austin

I had made decisions in my life, ones that led me to where I was now. “I, uh, sent in the divorce papers. Can you please check with my attorney to make sure everything is finalized? She can have whatever she wants, Mom. She can take it all.”

My mother was crying as the movers packed the last of my things into storage.

It had been a week since the press conference, a week since my life had been turned upside down.

I was accepted into a full-time rehabilitation program that I’d found in California.

It was a six-month program, which included working the steps as well as the ability to graduate to more of a sober-living facility when I was complete with the intensive part.

The morning after Nova walked out on me, when I woke up sober for the first time in what felt like forever, I knew I’d hit rock bottom.

It wasn’t just the alcohol or the drugs—I had lost her, and that was my breaking point.

I called the team, my agent, Coach, and Ledger, trying to figure out what the next step should be.

Ledger was surprisingly the most willing to help this time.

Maybe he saw something in me—maybe he noticed that I genuinely wanted to change.

And I did. I had already lost Nova, and the tone in her voice that night made it clear she wasn’t coming back.

She wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

But for the first time, I realized that the change had to be for myself, for my future, whatever that looked like.

If I didn’t do something, it was only going to get worse.

“You know,” my mom said quietly, pulling me from my thoughts of the past, “I saw her at the funeral. When you weren’t there. I begged her to give you another chance.”

I walked over and hugged her. “She should have never needed to give me another chance, Mom. I felt this pressure—to perform for the team, for her, for you guys. I couldn’t handle it all, and I just... cracked.”

“But you were married for such a short time,” she said, her voice trembling. “Don’t you think if you get better, you could find her again and win her back?”

I shook my head, my eyes drifting toward the movers as they packed up the last of my things.

“No,” I said softly. “I love Nova, and a part of me always will. But I missed her mother’s death.

I missed the funeral. I didn’t show up when she needed me the most. I wasn’t the partner she deserved.

And I can’t expect her to forgive that.”

“But you love her?” my mother asked.

“I love her so much that it hurts, but I need to put myself first. It was something Nova told me I needed to do. Something Ledger told me I needed to do. I never put my health first, and that’s how we ended up in this situation.”

That response seemed to placate her, and she sighed and gave me a hug. “I know you’ll walk through this a stronger person, Austin.”

I sighed and nodded, tears prickling my eyes. “I know I will too.”

My mom held up the folder and then gave me a hug. “I’ll see you when you get back?”

“Yeah. I won’t have a phone for the first couple months, so if there’s an emergency, I left the card to the place inside that folder for you.”

My mom was sobbing so hard she was hiccuping.

“Come on, Sunshine.”

We both turned as Ledger stood in the doorway. My mom rushed over to him, and he wrapped her in a hug, whispering something in her ear. She gave me one last glance before heading downstairs.

Ledger walked into the room and stood beside me as we leaned against the kitchen island. “Proud of you,” he whispered.

Tears started falling, and I looked at him, struggling to find the words.

“I, uh, I never had a dad, Ledger. You came into my life when I was already an adult, and for a long time, I felt like I was being pushed out of the family.” I gripped the counter behind me, trying to steady myself.

“I know it was my own insecurities. You and Mom did everything to include me, but I was so consumed by all the pain and trauma from my past that I never processed any of it. I turned to booze and coke to cope.”

Ledger placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it, then pulled me into his chest as the tears came harder. I cried like a child, overwhelmed by how much everything was changing.

“I’m so scared,” I whispered against his chest.

He held me until the tears finally stopped, and when I pulled away, he gave my shoulders another reassuring squeeze. “We love you, and we know this will help if you truly want it to.”

“I do,” I said, my voice soft but determined. “I want to change so badly.”

We sat there in silence before I turned back to Ledger. “I—I know I don’t deserve any favors, but there is just one thing.”

“What is it?” Ledger asked, rubbing his hands through his beard.

“If Nova... if she contacts me, could you please let her know where I am?”

Ledger sighed. “I think it’s time you start moving forward.”

“I agree,” I said quickly. “But I don’t want her to think I just left. If she needs anything... for the divorce.”

He nodded, another sigh escaping him. “Okay.”

“Thank you,” I said. “And if it’s alright, I’d like to stay here by myself for a bit before I head out.”

“Of course.” Ledger hugged me again before turning to leave with the movers.

I stood alone in my first apartment, a place once filled with so many hopes and dreams, now fading into a memory.

I reached up and touched my jaw. It clenched so tight it ached, a reminder of how badly my body craved alcohol.

Falling off the edge wasn’t a sudden drop.

It had been a slow, agonizing descent, the kind of pain that settled deep in my gut and crawled up into my chest until it consumed everything.

I wanted to change, but my addiction had always been in control, steering me off course no matter how hard I tried to fight it.

I had replaced one addiction with another—trading alcohol and coke for Nova, believing that somehow, being with her would save me from myself.

But when she wasn’t enough—when I realized love couldn’t fill the emptiness inside me—I fell straight back into the only escape I knew.

Missing her mother’s funeral, failing her in the moment she needed me most, was the final blow.

It became painfully clear just how deeply I’d lost everything.

I was a shitty human being, and I had to live with that. I had let down my city, my hockey fans, my family, and my wife.

Ex-wife.

I never thought I’d be twenty-one and divorced, facing an extensive rehab program.

I never imagined my life would turn out like this—the pain, the constant hum in my head, the relentless need to escape myself.

The ache in my brain never stopped. Maybe with help, it would finally quiet, but at that moment, all I could hear was the noise.

The booze, the drugs, the lies—they had all been crutches I leaned on until they broke me.

But this was it. The moment I had to finally take responsibility for myself, for my mental health, and for my addiction.

No more running, no more hiding behind distractions.

If I wanted to be someone better, I had to face the truth of who I had become.

I turned back to the apartment and took a final look.

Closing my eyes, I could still see it all—the blow, the girls, the booze.

But underneath those memories were the ones that hurt the most: walking through the door with Nova, newly married, filled with hope.

Making breakfast for her, comforting her when she worried about her mother.

All of it lost because of the choices I’d made.

I couldn’t change the past, but I could shape the future. I had to. It wasn’t about finding someone to save me or fix me—it was about working on myself. Rebuilding, piece by piece.

With one last glance at the apartment, I shut the door and walked out, ready to leave it behind.

Ready for rehab. Ready to change. And maybe, just maybe, there was still a happily ever after waiting for me out there—a future where I’d find a partner, and together, we’d sing lyrics to our song and hum the melody joyfully.