Page 31 of Your Biggest Downfall (Ravens Hockey #3)

austin

I pushed open the door to my apartment, not expecting anything special, but it was exactly as I had left it—completely empty. The driver had dropped me off, and I had a whole twelve hours to rest before the daunting meeting in the morning.

Before rehab, this would’ve been the perfect time to crack open a beer left over from a party the night before, but as I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, I realized my mom or Ledger had been here and cleared out every last drop of alcohol.

“Well, at least someone stocked it,” I mumbled and grabbed a sparkling water from the shelf. I popped it open and it sounded like the sound a good ice-cold beer made on a hot summer day.

“There he is,” a familiar feminine voice sang from down the end of the hallway.

“Aunt Emma?” I asked.

Emma was my mom’s best friend. My mom was a teenager when she had me, and my grandmother was a narcissist, so Emma was the only real stable person in my life.

I was surprised to see her and not Mom here, but Ledger had forced them away from me, keeping his precious little family away from the big, bad druggie brother. Or so I felt.

“In the flesh.” Emma wrapped her arms around me and held me tight.

Emma had dyed her hair a reddish brown, and it was long, past her shoulders. Her hair was swept up into a bun, and she looked like she was still in her work outfit.

“Did you drive here from work?”

Emma lived in the town Mom grew up in, where I was raised in Michigan. Ann Arbor was close enough, but still a few hours’ drive.

“Yup,” Emma said, popping her p . She pulled open the fridge and grabbed a water bottle.

“I came by to make sure someone was here to welcome you home.” She glanced around the empty apartment and laughed sadly.

“Sorry I’m not your mom, buddy. She would’ve had the entire place decked out in banners and balloons, but all you get this time is little ole me. ”

I put down my drink and walked over to her, wrapping her up in another hug. She was taller than Mom, but I was still far taller than Emma.

“Thanks for being here,” I whispered, genuinely grateful I didn’t have to come home to an empty house, especially after seeing Nova. “I appreciate it.”

Aunt Emma pulled away, then reached up and wrapped her finger around a curl. “I don’t agree with your mom and Ledger, for the record.”

I leaned back against the marble kitchen island, resting my hands on the edge of the counter. “What do you mean?”

Emma sighed. “I just mean, they should have been here. Going to rehab was a big deal, and I’m proud of you for going, completing the program, and coming back to get your life together. They should have shown up.”

She was right—they should have. But they weren’t here, and I couldn’t dwell on it without all those feelings rising to the surface. So I just shrugged.

“Don’t shrug at me,” Emma chided. “Seriously.”

“I don’t know what to say. I agree with you?”

Emma sighed again. “Your mom loves you, and she’s had a tough life, but sometimes I think her past and trauma make it hard for her to see that you’ve been through the same things.

You’re both experiencing life for the first time, and she needs to cut you some slack.

Just like she made mistakes, you will too. ”

I offered a soft smile. “That’s why you’re here.”

She gestured toward the couch, and we walked over together. “Yeah, I guess that’s why I’m here.”

We sat down with our drinks, letting the silence settle in.

After a while, Emma broke it. “Are you going to tell me why?” she asked.

I knew this question was coming. I talked about Nova in therapy because it was a safe space. I told them she was my why.

“Why what?” I asked coyly, trying to buy myself a little more time to formulate a response.

Emma narrowed her eyes at me. “Really, Austin?”

I held up my hands. “Okay. Okay.”

“If you can’t tell me why, at least tell me how you let it get this far?”

I closed my eyes. “I don’t know, Aunt Emma. I think you’re right. With everything Mom’s been through, which I don’t want to downplay, I guess I’m trying to figure things out for myself.”

I looked out the window at the bustling city below us.

There was so much life out there, but inside here, it felt heavy and exhausting.

It had been too much—one blow after another, each one harder to bear than the last. I didn’t need to explain it to Aunt Emma; she already knew the story.

But the sadness, the heaviness of it all, was too much to keep inside.

“Emma, it’s been a hell of a year,” I said, my voice low, almost as if I was afraid the words might break me. “Everything I thought I knew... it’s all been turned upside down.”

She nodded, her eyes filled with understanding. “I know, honey. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through all this.”

“I keep thinking about Mom,” I continued, my throat tightening.

“For so long, I thought she had... made a mistake, had a one-night stand. But to find out she was raped... I... I can’t stop thinking about all the pain she’s been carrying, how she never let on, never showed me how much it hurt. ”

Emma tightened her hand around mine, offering silent support.

“And then there’s Grandma,” I went on, feeling the bitterness rise in my chest. “I grew up thinking she was our rock, our anchor. But now I see she was manipulating us, twisting everything to suit her needs. She’s a narcissist, Emma, and it feels like every memory I have of her is tainted now.

Like I’m seeing everything through a different lens, and it hurts so much more than I thought it would. ”

Emma sighed, her expression softening. “I know it’s hard. It’s like everything you trusted has been ripped away.”

“Exactly,” I said, my voice cracking. “This past year... I’ve learned too much, too fast. The things I thought I knew about my life, about the people I loved—it’s all been turned on its head.

And I didn’t know how to deal with it, so I drank to escape.

It was the only thing that made the noise stop, the only thing that made it all seem bearable, even if only for a little while.

I was so damn tired of being me, of living with all this shit I never asked for. ”

Emma reached over, her hands warm around mine. “You don’t have to carry this all by yourself, you know. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know,” I whispered, grateful for her presence. “But it’s so fucking hard. I’m trying to put the pieces back together, to move forward, but some days... some days it feels like I’m drowning in all this pain and confusion, and I don’t know how to keep my head above water.”

Emma squeezed my hand gently, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “You’re stronger than you know.”

I shook my head, the words spilling out before I could stop them. “I messed up after losing the championship game. Ledger and Mom told me they were proud, but I can’t shake the feeling it’s just a facade. Deep down, I know they’re disappointed. I felt it—the way the air shifted between us.”

Emma’s brows knitted in concern, but she stayed quiet, letting me continue.

“I went out after the game and then with...” My throat tightened, and I dropped my gaze to my shoes, the shame building.

“With who?”

“No one,” I muttered, but she wasn’t convinced.

“The girl in the photo?”

I looked up, debating telling the truth. I could tell her, but then it may get back to my mom, and I didn’t need them connecting Nova to the girl in the photo. Because the girl whose ass I was doing coke off wasn’t the girl who stole my heart. I wasn’t that guy either.

“No.” I sighed and realized I could tell her a version of the truth. “I like this girl at work... a lot, but after that night, I fucked up.”

Emma nodded. “Yeah, that photo would probably mess it up.” Emma giggled, and I playfully swatted at her. “Do you love her?”

Yes.

My initial thought was I absolutely loved her, with all my heart, but I was terrified that I’d already messed up and there was no way to come back from it. “She was my friend before all that happened. I fucked up because I thought I was helping her, but?—”

“Doing blow off someone’s ass isn’t helping any relationship, Austin,” Emma said sternly.

“I know,” I agreed with a sigh. “I was trying, but I kept failing.”

“If you love her, Austin, keep moving in the right direction. Take it slow. Fall in love like a Midwest fall.”

“A Midwest fall?” I asked, confused.

“Yeah,” she said with a smile. “When fall arrives in the Midwest, even though it only lasts a month, maybe two if we’re lucky, everyone seems to slow down. We know winter is coming and that life is about to get more complicated, but we take it slow and savor the season.”

“Fall in love like fall,” I repeated with a chuckle.

“Exactly.” Emma took a long sip from her water. “But what do I know? I’ve never been in love.”

“You know more than you think, Emma.” I glanced around the nearly empty room, just the two of us and my furniture, and felt a pang of how much I missed my mom. “Thank you,” I said softly. “For being here for me.”

“Always, kid.” She smiled and squeezed my hands. “She’ll come around, just commit to working on becoming your best self.”

I would do anything to get Nova back in my life in whatever way I could.