Page 28 of Your Biggest Downfall (Ravens Hockey #3)

nova

Twenty-Nine Days Later

Iris had kept me on as her assistant and kept me busy. I was working six, sometimes seven days a week, and in truth, I wasn’t mad about it.

It was finally my day off after working ten days straight, and Luna had convinced me to get lunch with her at the restaurant across the street from our apartment.

The cafe was a cozy, inviting spot with wooden tables, mismatched chairs, and shelves lined with books and potted plants.

Soft light streamed through the large windows, filling the space with a comforting glow.

The aroma of fresh coffee and baked bread hung in the air.

Luna and I had ordered sandwiches and were sitting by the window, watching the bustling street outside. It was a sunny summer day in Chicago, and the sidewalks were packed with people enjoying the weather—couples strolling, tourists snapping photos, and cyclists weaving through the traffic.

Luna had come from work at the yoga studio down the street where she taught pilates classes.

She worked for an international pilates company and traveled teaching classes to instructors.

She was dressed in a matching mauve set that hugged her frame, the color complementing her sun-kissed skin.

Her blonde hair was pulled up into a ponytail, a few loose strands framing her face.

Sitting there, looking out at the busy street, a small sense of peace settled in, easing the tension a little. The sun was bright, the day was warm, and for a moment, I allowed myself to just be.

Luna glanced at me with a knowing smile. “You needed this,” she said softly.

I smiled back. “I did.”

“How is therapy going?” she asked.

“I’ve been going twice a week now. I think it’s helping, truthfully.” I paused. “I also go once every other week to the NA friends and family support group, which seems to be helpful.” I lowered my voice at the end in case anyone around us heard.

Luna smiled and reached across the table. I put my hand in hers, and she folded her fingers over mine. “I’m so proud of you.”

I thought about it for a second. A month ago, I’d be mad and disappointed that my life had come here, but a lot can happen in a month.

“I’m proud of myself,” I answered honestly. “Even last night when we went out, I just was myself.”

I’d learned I was on a journey and had to give myself grace sometimes.

Oftentimes, I felt like I was staring up at the hypothetical tree of my life, and my therapist showed me that I needed to focus on one leaf at a time.

The tree was overwhelming, but if I could nurture the leaves, then the roots of the tree would learn to grow again.

“I’m doing this for me. and it feels good to make myself a priority.”

Luna frowned. “Even though Iris still isn’t letting up?”

I rolled my eyes. Luna was always looking out for me, which I appreciated, but I’d learned that Iris was too, in her own way. “I told you there might be an opportunity soon to work for another team as an official social media PR manager, so I’m biding my time.”

Luna let go of my hand and ran her fingers through her ponytail. “Yes. I know. Okay.”

She looked out the window, then back at me. I could feel her anxiety from here.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Nothing.” She shrugged.

“Spill it, dude.”

“You know it’s about to be thirty days since...” Luna said softly.

We hadn’t talked about him since that night. Aside from my therapist, I didn’t share anything at all. In therapy, I mostly stuck with the topic of how I felt so much shame from that night and everything that had happened the next day.

But I didn’t tell anyone about the single letter he sent me a couple weeks ago. I didn’t tell anyone that I practically had it memorized and could recite it if asked because I read it every single night.

Nova,

I don’t even know where to begin, but I need to start with saying I’m so sorry.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what happened, and the more I think about it, the more I realize how much I hurt you.

I know I need to make amends, and that’s why I’m here—I’m committed to becoming better for you.

You pushed me when I couldn’t push myself, and I’m doing this for you, because you believed in me when I couldn’t believe in myself.

I’m working on myself to be better for the team, for the people who matter most to me, and especially for you.

I’m coming back stronger, and I hope you’ll see that when I return.

I miss you so much, Nova. Not just what we had that night, but our friendship.

I miss talking to you, laughing with you, just being around you.

You’ve been on my mind every single day, and it’s made me realize how much you mean to me.

I know I have a lot to make up for, and it won’t be easy, but I want to try.

I want to make things right between us, and I hope you’ll give me the chance to show you how serious I am about this.

Thank you for being there for me, even when I didn’t deserve it.

I’m looking forward to seeing you again, and I hope you’ll let me apologize in person.

Miss you more than you know.

Love,

Austin

I remembered the first thing that struck me after reading the letter was how he signed it— Love, Austin .

This was the second time he’d said those words.

It made me pause, wondering what that meant.

Did he sign every letter like that, or was it something more?

Each time I recited those words, they tugged at something deep inside me.

The note was so vivid in my mind, as if I could picture the way his pen dragged out the n ’s a little longer than usual, or how the rushed dots over his i ’s seemed hurried and impatient.

I still cared about him, still felt the pull of the connection we shared.

But the shame lingered, a constant reminder of everything that had gone wrong between us.

Even so, I couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to see him again, to hear him say those words out loud, and to find out if he had changed.

“Earth to Nova,” Luna said as the waiter came by with our sandwiches. He put one down in front of me.

“Sorry,” I said, laughing uncomfortably. “I was in my own head.”

“Yeah, I could see that. I was waiting for you to respond forever.”

I giggled again and stuffed the sandwich in my mouth, hoping to avoid the conversation.

Luna placed her hands on the table and stared at me. “Do you know what’s going to happen when he comes home?” she asked, emphasizing he .

I nodded.

“And?” Luna pressed. “I’m not judging, just trying to figure out where your head’s at since we don’t talk about?—”

“Listen.” I put the sandwich down and sighed, looking up at her. “I don’t know either. I know he comes back next week for a meeting with everyone. I have no idea when I’ll see him next.”

I picked up a chip from my plate and popped it into my mouth. Luna glanced at me, then out the window, remaining still for a moment. She hadn’t touched her food yet.

“Are you going to eat?” I asked.

“Well”—she huffed out an exasperated laugh—“I know.”

I looked out the window and saw nothing. “Know what?” I asked, but she continued to stare.

Slowly, she brought her gaze back toward mine.

“What do you know?” I repeated.

“I know when you’re going to see Austin Hart next.”

She lifted her hand and pointed in the direction she was looking. I turned, glancing over my shoulder, and realized she was pointing at the front of our building.

Sure enough, there was a blacked-out Escalade at the front, and a guy had stepped around it. He was wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses, but the blonde curls peeking out from the bottom of the cap immediately gave away who it was.

“Oh my?—”

“God,” Luna finished for me.

“What do I do?” I whispered.

I looked down at my plate, what I’d eaten threatening to come back up. Dammit. This was a good sandwich too.

“What do you want to do?” Luna asked.

What a stupid question. Obviously, if I knew what I wanted to do, then I wouldn’t be asking. Realistically, I should let him knock on the door a few times and then walk away because we weren’t home. He had no idea we were here. I shouldn’t go chasing after him.

“He’s a day early,” Luna added.

“You had it in your calendar?” I bit back, and it came out meaner than I intended. “Sorry. Just working through this shit in my head.”

“Yeah, actually, I did have it on the calendar.”

“Do you think I have time to schedule a meeting with my therapist?” I asked, somewhat joking but also kind of not really.

Luna laughed, but it didn’t come out happy. “Ha. No.”

“What’s he doing?” I asked, afraid of what I would do if I looked in that direction.

Luna stared. “He’s standing awkwardly with his hands in the front pockets of his jeans, waiting.”

I closed my eyes. I wanted to cry. Crying had become cathartic for me, but not in a restaurant. I didn’t want to have some sort of emotional release inside a freaking public establishment, and I couldn’t run home because then, for sure, I’d fall apart.

“I was going to eventually see him at work.”

“Has he contacted you?” Luna slid her gaze to me.

I couldn’t lie to her. Luna was my best friend, more my sister than anything else. She’d never asked me this until now because we never talked about it.

I slowly nodded. “Yes,” I squeaked out.

“What did he say?” Her voice was calm, but there was a firmness behind it.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I?—”

“Stop.” She held up her hand. “Please stop. I am not here to judge you. I never am. You opened up with him in a way you never did with me. You let him take you out. You’re a different person today because of him.”

My foot shook frantically.

Her eyes softened. “Maybe both of these were a learning lesson. You’re both young and dumb, and maybe this is what you needed to have reality slap you in the face.”