Page 63 of Your Biggest Downfall (Ravens Hockey #3)

nova

Numbness spread through my fingers and then ice cold took over the pain in my chest. I turned to Luna, momentarily wondering how fast we could make our exit, but I chose to face him.

I watched my future ex-husband snort cocaine off a naked woman’s tits, and I wasn’t even crying. This was a sign—it had to be. It was over.

“I’ll change for you,” he said as he stumbled toward me.

He almost fell into the marble kitchen island and I caught him by his elbow, straightening him.

“No.” I shook my head in sheer disappointment. I was emotionless. I’m sure I looked mad or rude to anyone watching me, but no one saw the times I had already cried over this. “You missed my mother’s funeral.”

Luna looked over my shoulder. “I’ll be back,” she said curtly before going over to Jeremy and dragging him down the hallway by his ear.

“It’s tomorrow,” Austin said with such sincerity that I almost believed he thought I had misspoken.

“ My mother’s funeral was today.”

It took a minute, but his eyes went wide. His pupils were so blown out he’d probably been high and drunk for days, likely since he left my house.

“I missed it?”

“Yes.”

He swallowed and lowered his head, running his hands through his curls. “I fucked up.”

“You fucked up days ago, Austin.” I was not going to cry, not in front of him. I couldn’t. “Did you ever even love me or did you temporarily replace your addiction with me?”

“No.” He swallowed and then reached for me but landed on the counter. “I love you. I love you so much it hurts.”

“That.” I pointed to him. “That is the fucking problem.”

“What?”

“You don’t love yourself, Austin,” I said, my voice shaking with emotion.

“You love booze. You love cocaine. You love sex. You like licking your tongue around some girl’s tits while you’re still married.

But me?” I shook my head, feeling the fog creeping in.

“You don’t love me, because anyone who loved me would never forget my mother’s fucking funeral. ”

He stared at the floor and muttered, “You’re right.”

“Of fucking course I am,” I snapped.

“I’ll get help. I need it,” he added, almost defeated.

I nodded, finally agreeing with something he said. “You do.”

I felt a strange mix of pity for Austin and relief for myself.

I pitied the life he’d been dealt, but I didn’t regret putting myself first. I needed to heal, and Austin would only keep dragging me down.

I kept thinking about what Iris had told me about Peter.

People can change, yes, but you can’t wait around hoping they’ll realize they need you.

Falling in love doesn’t always mean it’s that forever kind of love.

“I love you, Nova,” he said, his voice quiet, almost pleading.

I loved him too. I wanted him to get better, to do what he needed to heal. But I couldn’t be part of his life while he kept dragging me into his chaos.

“I’m leaving for London tomorrow,” I said softly. “I got a job with a rugby club.”

His head snapped up. “Y—You’re leaving?”

I nodded.

“Tomorrow?”

Another nod.

His face twisted with desperation. “How am I supposed to show you I’m going to change?”

The remnants of his high were slipping away, his eyes darting to the girls in the room, the scene around us a joke.

I shrugged, reaching into my purse and pulling out the divorce papers I had already signed. I asked for nothing. Without a prenup, I could have demanded money, but I didn’t want anything from Austin—except to be free of him.

I placed the papers on the table between us. “I need you to sign these and let me go.”

He shook his head, tears streaming down his face. “I can’t,” he whispered, his voice breaking.

“You have to,” I said firmly, pushing the papers toward him.

“I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t keep wondering where you are, nagging you about what you’re doing.

I can’t live with the thought that you’ll fuck up again and invite another girl to do blow off her tits.

I can’t wake up every morning wondering what disaster the day will bring because you can’t even make it through the night. ”

I paused as the truth settled between us.

“And you don’t deserve this either, Austin.

You don’t deserve to be with someone who has to act like your mother, constantly cleaning up your messes, worrying if you’ll survive the night.

You deserve a partner, not a caretaker. Someone who can stand beside you, not someone who has to pull you out of the pit every time you fall back in. ”

He flinched at my words, but I pushed on. “Neither of us deserve this. We can’t keep pretending this is love when all it’s become is damage control. You don’t deserve to be trapped in this cycle of self-destruction, and I don’t deserve to be dragged down with you.”

A single tear slid down my cheek, but I didn’t wipe it away. “I can’t keep living in fear that one day you won’t wake up at all, that you’ll overdose or need something stronger to numb yourself. I can’t handle losing anyone else.”

“Please, Nova,” he cried, reaching out for me. His hands were cold, trembling as I held them in mine. “I still love you.”

I shook my head, turning away as the weight of it all pressed down on me. “I can’t do this anymore, Austin. Please don’t make me.”

I paused, searching for the right words. “I feel like I’ve been singing the lyrics to a song that I’ve forgotten the melody to.”

His voice wavered, desperate. “Wha—What do you mean?”

“This life has stripped away every bit of joy I once had, and I need to go find it again.”

He nodded, finally seeming to understand. His hands shook as he picked up the papers. “Will you come back?”

“No.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I can’t ever come back, Austin. I won’t be dragged back into the toxicity. You have years of healing ahead of you, and I can’t wait around, hoping you’ll figure it out. I don’t have that kind of time.”

“Can I at least call you?”

I shook my head again. “No. This is it, Austin.”

“I, uh.” Austin wiped the tears flowing down his cheeks. “I’ll get this signed and sent to your lawyer.”

I let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you,” I whispered.

Luna had come down the hallway, a smile on her face as she looped her hand in mine. “You ready?” she asked, noting the papers on the table.

“Yes,” I said, smiling. “I think I am.”

I turned to go. “Nova?” Austin called out.

“Yeah?” I said as I glanced over my shoulder.

“Can you let me know if you got in okay? If you’re safe?”

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. “No.”

He swallowed hard. “Oh. Okay.” The words barely left his lips before he tentatively wrapped his arms around my waist.

I turned to face him, and for the last time, I let him hold me.

“I’ve lost everything because of my choices,” he murmured, his voice thick with regret. “I’m sorry you had to be the anchor dragged down with my consequences.”

I pressed my cheek to his chest, feeling his heartbeat, and wrapped my arms around his waist. We stood there, holding each other, knowing this was our final moment as husband and wife.

“Thank you,” I whispered, my voice barely audible. “I hope you get better, Austin Hart.”

His grip tightened briefly before he let out a shaky breath. “You be good, Nova. You’ll soar wherever you decide to fly.”

We held on for a moment longer, and then, with a quiet sadness, we let each other go.