Page 37 of Your Biggest Downfall (Ravens Hockey #3)
I hadn’t considered it that way before. I was one of those people who didn’t understand social media, too focused on hockey and surviving my first season.
“You played a good game tonight,” she said, her voice dropping an octave.
“You watched?” I asked, surprised.
She was so beautiful, her green eyes locking onto mine as she fumbled with her light, trying to stuff it back into her backpack. The plane rocked a few times, and she lurched forward, bumping her head on the tray table.
“Hey.” I reached out, gently lifting her chin to make sure she was okay while intertwining her fingers with my other hand, pulling her back into the safety of the seat. “Are you alright?”
She giggled, the sound light and infectious. “Yes, I’m fine.”
Everything about her was bright and beautiful. I noticed the tattoos peeking out from under her sleeves and ran my fingers along her arm.
“Why do you cover these up?” I asked, my fingers lingering on our hands tucked together.
“My boss hates them,” she mumbled.
I wished I could see her tattoos fully—one day, maybe. She didn’t pull away, so I kept our hands low, hidden from prying eyes.
“Thanks for showing me how to make the videos,” I whispered, leaning in close so no one else could hear.
She smiled softly at me, a warmth in her eyes that made my heart skip a beat. Then she turned to gaze out the window. Our hands remained intertwined, fingers gently laced together, as we silently shared the rest of the flight, the connection between us growing stronger.
Nova Thatcher was going to be my friend, whether she wanted to be or not.
“I’m sorry. After the season and . . .”
“The retirement party.” Her eyes were soft as she reached out toward me. “I knew this all started after the party, and I tried to reach out. I called, I texted—but when you didn’t respond, I thought maybe it was best to wait. I figured you’d reach out when you were ready, but you never did.”
I swallowed hard, guilt tightening my chest. “I ignored all of your attempts. I couldn’t do it, Nova.”
“Do you remember what you said?” Her voice quivered.
“I remember everything.”
My mom was getting married and having a baby and moving on.
I sat in the corner of the party, feeling completely out of place as I watched everyone mingling and laughing, their voices blending into a dull hum.
It was supposed to be a time for joy and new beginnings, but all I felt was a growing sense of isolation.
My mom was glowing, surrounded by her new family, resting her hand protectively on her growing belly.
She was moving on with her life, embracing her future, while I was stuck in the past, slowly fading into the background.
I was the son she had out of wedlock when she was a teenager. She had a new family to look after her.
People moved around me, their laughter and chatter a stark contrast to the emptiness inside.
I grabbed the bottle of tequila from the table, the glass cool in my hand, as a wave of frustration washed over me.
I needed to get out of there, away from the noise.
Without a word, I stood up and made my way down the hall, the sounds of the party fading behind me.
When I reached the guest room, I pushed open the door and stepped inside.
I downed a few swigs from the bottle, the burn of the tequila a temporary distraction from the ache in my chest. The room felt quieter, almost suffocating, as I tried to process everything.
It was supposed to be a night of celebration, but all I could think about was how different things were going to be.
“Hey,” a quiet voice came from the door as the person slowly pushed it open.
I took another swig and looked up. Nova stood in the doorway, wearing a long-sleeve brown dress that hit her right at her knees. Her hair was short, and she’d pinned the front pieces back, showing off her green eyes.
I extended the bottle toward her, but she shook her head. I shrugged and downed another few gulps. Between this and the champagne earlier, I was drunk.
“Sit,” I said, patting the bed.
I had no idea why I was in the guestroom and not my bedroom. Going into my room felt too personal, but with Nova in the space, everything felt overwhelming, small and big at the same time.
She nodded and sat on the bed, but I grabbed her arm and gently pulled her back so we were both lying down, staring up at the white popcorn ceiling.
“Why are you in here?” she whispered.
“I hate being out there.”
She paused, then turned her head to glare at me. “Why? You’re the one who wanted this party. I helped you set it up, but everything was your idea.”
“I did it for my mom. She wants Ledger and me to be on better terms.”
“But you’re not?” Her nose wrinkled in frustration, and I could feel the tension between us.
She was angry, and that wrinkle in her nose made me want to lean over and kiss her, to dissolve that anger, even though it wouldn’t take much effort to cross the line and fuck her instead.
I opted to stare back up at the ceiling. “Nah. We’re on fine terms. It’s my family shit...”
Nova sighed. “I get it.”
I lifted the bottle to my face, drowning in more booze. I was lying down, so liquid spilled all over my face.
“Fuck,” I grumbled, sitting upright.
Nova did the same. “Let me get you something ? —”
“Stop,” I said, grabbing her hand.
She looked down at her arm and then back up at me.
“I’m really fucked up, Nova. I found out some horrible shit about my fucking family. I’m celebrating my mom having a baby with her perfect-ass husband as her shitty son sits in his guestroom drinking himself stupid.”
“You are ? —”
“No.” Fuck that. “I’m tired of being everyone’s fucking second string. I’m never enough for anyone. I came out here, and I’m second to Ledger, the perfect player and boyfriend to my mother. I was forced to forgive him quickly so my mom and I could mend our relationship.”
“Your mom loves you,” Nova said, reaching out to grab my arm.
She’d done this so many times over the last few months. We’d exchanged touches and glances all the time. But this time, it charged my skin.
“My head is fucking spinning,” I grumbled.
“Do you want me to bring you to your room?” Her question was so innocent. She cared about me.
“No,” I gruffed as I tried to push off the bed, but my knees felt wobbly. The blood rushed to my head, and the world was spinning.
“I don’t think you’re second to anyone, Austin,” she said, her voice firm but soft, like she needed me to believe her.
“You’re pretty fucking amazing. You’ve taught me so much about hockey—not just the game but what it means to you, how it feels to be on the ice.
And it’s not just that.” Her gaze flicked to mine, her cheeks flushing.
“You actually care. You ask me about my job, about my day—like you really want to know, not because you’re being polite. It means a lot.”
She hesitated, a nervous laugh bubbling up. “Honestly, I’d say you’ve probably become one of my best friends. But Luna would probably kill me for saying that because she’s my best friend—always has been. So, you’re right there,” she said, likely trying to lighten the moment.
But there it was. The words left unsaid were so loud they stung. I was second best to the one girl I thought knew me better than anyone.
“Fucking proved my point,” I shouted, slamming my hand into the nightstand.
“What?” Nova took a step back toward the door, her smile vanishing. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m fucking second string in your life too. Your best friend comes first, but me? I’m at the bottom.”
She hesitated, my words sinking in, before her shoulders slumped. “I didn’t mean it like that. I was trying to say that you mean a lot ? —”
“I love you, Nova.” The words tumbled out, and the instant they did, I regretted it. I was too damn drunk.
“W—what?” she stammered, a hesitant laugh escaping her as she took another step back. “You’re just drunk.”
I shook my head.
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “You’re my friend.”
“Apparently I’m not even good at being that...”
I pushed past her, sparing her the pain of this conversation by walking away first. As I stepped out of the guestroom, I glanced back at her standing by the bed, arms crossed over her chest. I knew I could never love her the way she deserved, so I did what I thought was best and walked away.
I let her go.