Page 53 of Your Biggest Downfall (Ravens Hockey #3)

austin

I sat on the couch, trying to focus on the game, but my head was pounding.

The hangover was wrecking me. I had already popped a couple of painkillers, hoping they’d dull the relentless tapping in my temples.

I stretched out on the couch, my body heavy with exhaustion, while Nova took her nap in the bedroom.

I should’ve probably felt bad for lying to her, shouldn’t I? But instead of guilt, there was only a numb sense of detachment. My phone buzzed, startling me out of my thoughts. I groaned as the sound felt like nails in my brain and reached for it, squinting at the screen.

Jer: You good?

I typed out a quick “Yeah” before dropping the phone back onto the table and closing my eyes again, waiting for that rush of regret to finally hit.

It didn’t.

I should’ve felt horrible for lying to Nova. But the truth was, when Jeremy got that call from Luna, he woke me up, shaking me to get my shit together, and I was more focused on covering my tracks than feeling guilty.

We’d scrambled—cleaned the apartment, made everything look spotless. I’d drowned myself in mouthwash to cover the stench of alcohol and collapsed back onto the couch, hoping I’d pulled it off.

I should feel bad for all of it, I kept telling myself. Lying to my wife should weigh heavy on me, right?

I didn’t want the judgment, didn’t want to be the guy who couldn’t keep it together. I didn’t need Nova looking at me like I’d failed her, not when things were so fragile in her own life.

The fear of losing my job, of having everything slip out of my hands just because of a few beers with Jer, outweighed any guilt I might’ve felt.

So I lied. I lied because I needed to protect the one thing that kept me going—the ability to escape.

I needed that escape like oxygen. It was the only way I knew how to deal with the constant pressure, the endless cycle of expectations.

So I did what I had to do. I lied to keep that door open, to hold onto the only relief I had, even if it meant betraying the trust of the person I cared about the most.

And somehow, lying felt easier than facing the truth. I took a few more sips from the whiskey bottle Jeremy gave to me before shoving it into the cracks of the couch. Nothing like the good ole hair of the dog to get my morning started. I rested my head back against the couch and closed my eyes.

The floorboards creaked, and I looked up to find my beautiful wife standing in front of me in nothing but sleep shorts and a tank top.

“Hey, Supernova,” I whispered.

She gave me a sad smile. “I couldn’t nap.”

“You want me to come with you?” I asked, wondering if this was a rouse because she smelled the booze. I pressed the bottle deeper into the crack, making sure it didn’t peek out.

“Yeah. I miss you next to me.”

I smiled. “Okay. Let me take a quick shower, and then I’ll be there.”

That seemed to appease her, and she nodded before walking down the hallway.

As soon as she was back in our room, I shot off the couch and snatched the bottle. I darted to the kitchen and shoved it into the highest cabinet. Nova never reached up here. I’d stuffed it so far toward the back that you couldn’t see anything up there from the ground vantage point.

I grabbed some peanut butter and a spoon from the pantry before taking a bite, masking the intense alcohol in my mouth, then I went to the bathroom.

Were the pressures and expectations of life like this worth it?