Page 5 of Your Biggest Downfall (Ravens Hockey #3)

austin

“Austin?” my mom shouted from the family room.

“It’s me.” I threw my bag in the corner and walked into my mom’s house.

She and Ledger had moved out of the city to a small suburb in the North Shore.

She now lived in a craftsman house that they were slowly refurbishing.

She baked sourdough bread and muffins in the morning while popping out a baby with her husband.

Although she wanted me to come over every week for dinner, I tried avoiding it.

I hated coming here, and I was being a fucking immature brat, but I hated the fact that I didn’t fit into my mom’s new family.

“Oh, good. Your sister and I are in the back.”

I winced. It’s not that I wasn’t happy being here or happy for my mom. She deserved all the happiness in the world. It’s just that I felt replaced. It was fucking childish, but it had been us for our entire lives, so this was different for us.

“Coming,” I cried as I walked across the creaky wooden floors.

My mom had painted the house a deep green color, and it looked like a vintage flea market had thrown up in here. She was all about cozy maximalism.

I passed through the kitchen into the large family room area, where my mom was resting on the sofa with Evie in her lap, wrapped in a pale yellow blanket. “The baby is asleep, but you can come snuggle with us?”

“Sure,” I shrugged.

As I got closer, I noticed my mom was in a denim button-down maxi dress, her curly hair in a bun on the top of her head. My mom was beautiful, even more so after having Evie.

“Is Ledger here?”

Mom shook her head. “No, he’s still at work. They gave him a couple more weeks off, but I have everything settled here. Having a newborn this time was so different from when you were born. I was so young, and Grandma...”

I closed my eyes as I sat on the couch. Tilting my head back, I looked up at the ceiling, hearing her talk but not absorbing her words.

This was always how it felt when I came here.

She was bringing up how hard it was to raise me, how different it was growing up while raising a baby, and how much easier it was with a supportive partner.

I didn’t know my dad or sperm donor. Mom didn’t even remember his name because of the trauma she went through.

Supposedly, he wanted nothing to do with me, so I was raised by my grandmother and mom.

It sucked though—the whole not knowing my dad situation.

There were a lot of dad-and-me activities at school that I missed out on.

Because my mother was always working, I was always the little kid in the corner who sat alone.

My grandma raised me when Mom was at work.

She was a good grandmother, but she often spent her time shit talking my mom, convincing me not to side with her.

A couple of years ago, I learned that Grandma was a narcissistic bitch to my mom, and we haven’t spoken in years.

I loved my mom dearly, but the way I grew up kinda sucked.

It felt like it was me and her. Now it was just me.

I was lost in my thoughts until Mom’s voice broke through, louder and more insistent. “You don’t understand how hard it was. There was so much, and now...” she said, her voice shaking.

I sighed and sat up, knowing I had to face the conversation I dreaded every time I visited.

“Mom, I get it,” I replied softly. “But rehashing the past isn’t going to change anything. We need to focus on moving forward.”

“You’re right.” Her face softened. Evie was wrestling around in her arms. “You’re right, and I shouldn’t bring it up every time. Tell me about you. The Cup is around the corner, and your?—”

Evie wailed, and Mom tried to soothe her.

I inhaled as she looked at me. “I promise I want to hear what you have to say. Let me feed her, and then I’ll have to get dinner started.”

“Dinner?” A dark voice came from behind us. Ledger was so fucking tall it shocked me every time he came into a room because he simply took it over. “I got sushi for us.”

Ledger held up a plastic bag. It was fucking annoying how that man could truthfully never do any wrong.

“I’ve got to head to a party tonight, so I can’t stay,” I lied as I stood from the couch.

The party wasn’t until later, but between my mom’s hormonal rants that ended up in tears, the baby who was crying, and their perfect little family, I didn’t want to be here.

“No,” Mom cried, but she was breastfeeding, so she was trapped and couldn’t chase after me.

Ledger looked at me and lowered his voice. “She’s been looking forward to you coming to visit.”

“Has she?” I quipped. “It seems like she’s pretty content with her family here.”

“That’s not fair,” Ledger bit back, still keeping his voice down. “You’re a part of this family too, but with the Cup, I told her you’re are busy?—”

“I am,” I retorted. “That’s right. I am busy.”

Ledger grabbed me by the shoulder, lowering his head. “It’s sushi, Austin. For your mother.”

I shrugged and pulled away from him. “Sorry, Ma. I gotta run. It was nice seeing you.”

I walked over and gave her a kiss on her forehead.

“Did you want to hold your sister?” she asked.

I looked down at the little baby hungrily sucking on my mom’s boob. Kids weren’t my thing, if I was being honest. They looked breakable, and this one in particular was ruining my relationship with my mother.

That was far fetched. She wasn’t ruining anything. She was a baby with no say in where or to whom she was born, but our dynamic was changing, and I hated it. I hated feeling so out of control of my life that I clung to the few things I could manage.

“No can do. Sorry, I have a party since we don’t have early practice tomorrow.”

“It’s okay, baby. I’m glad you stopped by to say hi. Next time you should stay for sushi.”

“I will. I promise.” A promise I wasn’t sure I’d be able to keep.