Page 61 of Your Biggest Downfall (Ravens Hockey #3)

nova

“It was a beautiful service,” one of my mother’s cousins whispered to me as she gave me a kiss on the cheek.

It was raining, which would’ve otherwise pissed me off, but it was Mami’s favorite weather, so it felt fitting.

Everyone was headed to the reception room at a local restaurant that Aunt Mae and Luna helped set up, but I asked if Luna and I could meet them there in a bit. I wanted to stay with Mami for as long as I could before they buried her.

With the line of cars headed out of the cemetery, Luna came next to me with an umbrella. We were both in black dresses.

“I’m sorry,” Luna whispered and wrapped her arm around my lower waist.

“Me too,” I said softly. “Life is cruel. Beautiful people leave while so many ugly people get to stay.”

Luna looked around and then turned to me, resting her head on my shoulder.

I sighed. “He didn’t come,” I whispered.

My husband never showed up to my mother’s funeral. I kept waiting, watching the door of the church, expecting to see him walk in, but he never did. At first, I told myself he might’ve gotten the times wrong, that maybe he’d show up at the grave site. I half hoped he would.

His coach came, his captain came, and even a few of the other guys showed up, offering their quiet condolences. But Austin? He never came. Not to the church. Not to the grave site. I searched for him in the crowd, but there was only an empty space where he should’ve been.

“Nova?” a woman squeaked from behind us.

Luna and I turned around, and I recognized Auburn.

“You don’t have to say anything to her. You owe her nothing,” Luna whispered, and I shook her off.

Auburn came over, her curly hair reminding me so much of Austin, and pulled me into a hug. “I’m so sorry to hear about your mother.”

“Thank you,” I said, wondering where exactly she’d heard it from.

“I was here earlier, but I didn’t want to be a bother. I—” Sobs broke up her words. “I know what happened. Austin told us.”

“Okay,” I responded because nothing else seemed to make sense. Words weren’t the thing I was great at combining.

“He’s a good kid. He really is.”

Luna squeezed my side. “He’s no?—”

“He is.” I interrupted Luna. “He is a good person, but he’s not my person.”

“If you want to give him another shot. He agreed to enroll in a rehab facility.”

“Look around, Auburn,” I whispered, my voice trembling as all the anger, sadness, and grief spilled over. “Do you see him here? At my mother’s funeral? At the hospital when she died?”

Auburn closed her eyes, the answer evident in her resigned sigh.

“Where is he?” I asked, my voice breaking with desperation.

She shook her head. “I—I— He said he was coming.”

I inhaled slowly and exhaled even slower before I gave her a hug. “Thank you, Auburn. Your family has always been so kind and welcoming to me. There is a lot of stuff you need to work out with Austin. I hope you do that work together.” She nodded. “Tomorrow, I’m moving to London.”

Auburn’s eyes went wide with shock. “London?”

“Yeah, I was given the job of a lifetime, and Luna and I decided to go.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

There was a long pause. “At least say goodbye to him,” Auburn said softly.

I shrugged, still unsure. I’d been debating for days, putting off the decision.

We bought the tickets last night because I kept procrastinating.

Since the day Luna told him about the funeral, Austin had stopped coming around.

I thought about texting him, just to tell him I was leaving, but he was already gone by the time I worked up the nerve.

“I’ll do my best,” I mumbled.

Auburn hugged me one last time before walking to her car.

“What do you want to do?” Luna held onto me as I watched the rain fall outside the umbrella. “I don’t like Austin, but I think for your own closure, you might need to say goodbye to him too.”

Too. Because I had to say goodbye to Mami. Too, because my life seemed like an endless string of goodbyes. No one ever stayed long enough to witness my joy.

“Okay,” I whispered, feeling deflated. “I’ll give him the divorce papers in person instead of mailing them. They’re in the car.”

Austin had them drawn up and sent for me to sign. Just his signature was needed to finalize it.

Luna had broken it off with Dirks and Jeremy, so it was no surprise they weren’t at the funeral. I could only assume they were all together tonight.

“Let’s try my house first and then Jeremy’s?”

My house.

What a joke. It was never really my house—no, it was never my home. I may have lived there for a couple months, but it was a sterile house filled with nothing but pain and two people lusting for each other. There was no love.

Luna nodded, and we both braved the walk to the car, then headed to Austin’s apartment to say goodbye for the last time.