Page 48 of Your Biggest Downfall (Ravens Hockey #3)

austin

“Austin,” Mom called out, her voice full of excitement as she stood on the steps of her house.

The door had flown open before I even had the car in park. Thankfully, Nova let me get away with wearing sunglasses this time instead of the full disguise.

Nova swallowed hard, her eyes fixed on my mom as she came barreling toward us.

Her silence had been unnerving as we’d approached Mom and Ledger’s house by the lake. She hadn’t said much during the drive, opting instead to stare out at the water. I was relieved—discussing my feelings was the last thing I wanted to do.

“Come on, wife.” I leaned over the console and kissed her cheek. “Together?”

Her big eyes stared at mine, then a slow smile spread across her face. “Together.”

I sighed and put the car in park. I got out and walked to the passenger door, opening it and reaching for Nova. She hesitated, even though she was smiling, but eventually grabbed my fingers, and I lifted her up.

“Oh, and you brought Nova,” Mom shouted.

“You didn’t tell her I was coming?” Nova whispered harshly.

“Nope.” It was easier if I ripped the Band-Aid off all at once, or at least that’s what I was telling myself.

“Fuck,” she murmured and then turned around with the biggest smile on her face. “Hi, Mrs. Cole. It’s so nice to see you guys again.”

Mom pulled Nova into a hug and then turned to me. “Hi, son.”

“Hi, Mama,” I said, and she grabbed me and burst into tears. “No need to cry. I’m here now.” I ground my teeth as I spoke words I didn’t even believe.

“I’m sorry I haven’t come to see you,” my mom cried.

Too fucking late.

It had been over a week since I’d been back, and she’d made no effort to reach out, aside from inviting me to this dinner.

“I’m here now,” I repeated, the words hollow in my mouth.

It felt like I was always the one taking care of my mother, who acted more like a child. I had to manage her emotions, always catering to everyone else while no one did the same for me.

But then I saw a glint of dark brown hair in the corner of my eye and the most genuine smile that caught my attention as I pulled away from my mom.

No one truly cared for me except Nova.

“Can we go inside? I don’t want anyone taking pictures out here,” I said.

Mom nodded, and we followed her.

I reached down, holding out my hand for Nova, desperate to feel her skin against mine. She laced her fingers with mine and smiled up at me.

“You’re doing good,” she whispered, and for the first time tonight, I felt like I could face whatever was ahead, as long as she was by my side.

We walked into the house, and Mom ushered us to the back, where the kitchen and living area was. It smelled like pasta and garlic bread, which meant Ledger must’ve been cooking because nothing my mom made was ever edible.

Truthfully, it wasn’t my mom who made me nervous—it was Ledger. He was the last person to see me before I headed to rehab. He’d also told me I needed to stay away from his family to protect them.

When we rounded the corner, he was in the kitchen over a boiling pot of water. Evie was happily cooing in her bouncing chair in the living room behind the island.

“She looks so much bigger,” I muttered.

I glanced at Nova, who was smiling and walking toward the baby.

Nova would one day be the mother of my children. Yes, she had told me she was going to have trouble having children, but if that meant IVF, surrogacy, or adoption, she’d mother our children when we were both ready.

I stared at her in awe for a moment, letting that realization wash over me.

“Nova?” Ledger asked.

That snapped me out of my reverie. The first thing he asked when I came into “his” house was why Nova was here.

“Hi, Ledger,” I said, taking him in.

He was wearing a plaid shirt with a pair of khakis. His beard had somehow grown thicker and longer since retiring from the NHL.

Holding a wooden spoon in his hand, he gestured over to Nova, who was cooing over the baby with my mom. “You’re dating?”

“It’s nice to see you too, Ledger. I’m glad I was allowed past the threshold.” I couldn’t help the jab.

My mom’s head shot in my direction. Fuck that. I wasn’t walking on eggshells around him. He wasn’t my partner.

“You’re lucky. I told your mom we should wait a few more months to make sure you?—”

“Ledger,” my mom barked. “Stop that right now.”

I sighed. I didn’t want to be here. This was a horrible idea. Fuck it. Time to rip off the Band-Aid.

“Well, one thing is for certain,” I deadpanned at Ledger. “I’m not dating Nova.”

I reached for her, and she walked over and grabbed my fingers, lacing them with mine. My mom looked baffled as her gaze bounced between us.

“What’s going on?” Mom asked.

I pressed my lips into a tight line and glanced down at Nova. She was staring at me, her smile soft before she turned to my mom with that smile still in place.

“Austin and I got married a few days ago.”

Silence.

Utter fucking silence. Even Evie somehow took this moment to stop cooing.

Ledger dropped the wooden spatula on the floor, and the resounding thud was the loudest thing in the room. He grabbed his apron, ripped it off, and threw it on the floor.

“I fucking knew it,” Ledger finally said. “He’s not ready. He’s still being impulsive and?—”

“Stop it.” My mom cut him off immediately. “Not your fucking place.”

He huffed in frustration. “Great, here we fucking go again. You’re going to tell me he’s your son and I have no say, even though I’ve done everything for him. If it wasn’t for me, he’d be jobless.”

That one stung. I had no idea this was what they argued about. Ledger wasn’t my fucking dad, but the fact that?—

“I think we should sit down.” Nova interjected, gently grabbing my hand. “I understand how this is a lot to take in, but it was actually my idea to get married. Technically”—she giggled—“I proposed to Austin.”

They both stopped and stared at her in surprise.

“Oh, honey, we didn’t even know you two were dating.” Mom went over and wrapped Nova up in a hug before returning back toward the kitchen.

“It’s been on and off,” Nova quickly explained before I could say anything. “We wanted to keep it on the down-low so the press wouldn’t get wind of it. Plus, my mom is... sick.”

I shook my head slightly, feeling a pang of guilt. She shouldn’t have to lie to appease them.

Nova smiled reassuringly at me before continuing. “I wanted to get married before my mother passed away. She’s been in and out of the hospital, and when I brought it up to Austin, he thought it was a wild idea, but eventually, he agreed.”

She paused, letting her words sink in. “We should have contacted you. I’m sorry we didn’t. We were caught up in the whirlwind of it all.”

Damn, she was good. No wonder she excelled at her job—she had a knack for turning things around and finding the positive spin on a situation.

“I, uh—” My mom paused, and Ledger looked away from her.

I never had a dad growing up, but I imagined if I had, I’d be a constant disappointment to them just as I was to my mother. I could never be enough for them to be proud of me.

Evie started fussing in her seat, snapping my mom out of her thoughts. “I’m proud of you, honey. If you two are happy, then we’re happy,” she said, glancing at Ledger. “Right, Ledge?”

He exhaled sharply before finally turning around. “Whatever your mom says.”

I scoffed, unable to hide my frustration. “For the record, I don’t need your approval. I came here to inform you, that’s all.”

Screw this guy. I couldn’t understand what my mom saw in him. He was an asshole.

“Good.” Mom hugged Nova again. “I’m glad he makes you happy.”

Ledger went and grabbed the baby as mom began to plate the meal.

“Let’s sit,” she said with a smile plastered on her face.

I wanted to go home. I didn’t want to be here and be scrutinized.

“Fine.” I walked over to the table, grabbing the dishes while Nova kept looking at me skeptically.

If there was one person in this room who would know I wasn’t okay, it was her.

Evie sat with Ledger as Mom doled out the food to each of us. “I’m so happy you’re back.”

How could she do this? How could she play happy-go-lucky mother after ignoring me when I left and not bothering to call me?

“First time you said that,” I said. “But, hey, it was nice to have Aunt Emma at the apartment when I got back from my fucking treatment.”

“Treatment? You want us to walk around and act like you were fucking sick? I refuse. You’re making choices in your life.” Ledger looked at Nova, then back at me. “Impulsive choices that are getting you in trouble and ruining your career.”

“Actually,” Nova interjected, her hand slipping under the table to squeeze my thigh. “Mental health and addiction are as much an illness and a diagnosis as my mother’s cancer.”

My heart sank. She shouldn’t have had to compare my made-up addiction diagnosis to her mother’s cancer, especially not in front of my mother and her husband.

What her mom was going through was real and visible, while what I dealt with felt like something people dismissed or blamed when someone messed up in the public eye.

“Nova, I?—”

“She’s right.” My mother cut in, nodding. “You’re right, Nova. Ledger, you need to be more sensitive to mental health.”

Their stares felt like a crushing force, and the pressure to be everything for everyone—a good husband to Nova, a supportive son to my fragile mother, a model child for Ledger—was suffocating. Nova believed in me more than I believed in myself, and the thought of letting her down gnawed at me.

Ledger’s expression was tight, his jaw clenched. The desire to prove him wrong was overwhelming. It felt like I was being pulled apart, struggling to meet everyone’s expectations while barely holding onto my own sense of self.

It was all too much.

I pushed back from the table. “I need to... go to the bathroom.”

I turned around and heard my mother jump from her chair. “Austin,” she shouted.

“He needs space,” Nova said to her. “Let him have that.”