Page 50 of Your Biggest Downfall (Ravens Hockey #3)

austin

One Month Later

“Dude, how does it feel?” Jeremy asked.

We’d finished up our first on-ice practice of training camp, and the exhaustion was settling into my muscles. But that wasn’t what was weighing on me. It was everything else.

Nova and I had just celebrated our one-month anniversary last night, but life was back in full swing with hockey, and both of us were about to get incredibly busy.

I should’ve been ecstatic—new marriage, season starting—but instead, it was like an elephant was sitting on my chest. I wanted to be the best husband I could possibly be.

Hell, she deserved that and more. I needed to prove myself, to be the man she needed, especially now.

Her mom’s health was declining fast, and she was spending more time worrying than smiling.

It ate at me, this sense that I had to hold it all together, make her feel secure, make her feel like everything was going to be okay. But I didn’t know if it would be. And that terrified me.

“You good, man?” Jeremy’s voice broke through my thoughts.

All I could do was nod, my mind elsewhere—on her, on us, on trying to figure out how the hell I was going to juggle it all without being crushed.

“How does the ice feel?” Jer asked as we headed into the locker rooms.

I hadn’t had another sip of booze since my mom’s house, not because I was guilty but because I was busy. I was either with Nova, out at practice, or that need to escape was fulfilled by fucking her every single night, sometimes more than once.

“What?”

“Being officially back on the ice.”

I’d been at practice with the team throughout the summer, but it was more laid back. We tended to practice on the ice once a week and off the ice a few more during the offseason. Now, with training camp, that doubled, and we were back to our intense training sessions.

“It feels good, man.”

“You look good out there. Might have another chance at the Cup.”

“Eh.” I shrugged, not wanting to get my hopes up. “We’ll see.”

“Don’t cut yourself short.”

We rounded the corner and sat on the benches. The rest of the team had already gone out, but Jeremy stayed back to help me practice a little longer, so it was the two of us.

“What’re you up to tonight?” Jer asked.

We had Sunday off, with Coach telling us to stay active, but nothing official on the schedule.

“Heading home to Nova,” I replied.

“The wifey,” Jer teased me.

I slapped him with one of my pads.

“Think she’ll let you off your short leash for the night?”

“What’re you thinking?” I asked, pulling off my skates.

“Well, I’d say we hit a bar, but...”

“Fuck no.” As tempting as it was, I couldn’t risk being seen out at a bar.

“Growing up, my dad was an alcoholic. He couldn’t function during the day, couldn’t even walk down the stairs without being drunk or stumbling. I don’t think you’re like him.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I agree. I only did that stuff to keep my job and because Nova wanted me to.”

Jer paused, considering my words before breaking the silence. “So, how about I order pizza, and we can crack open the beer I have saved?”

I grinned. “Hell, yeah. You buying?”

Jeremy laughed, fist-bumping me. “Yeah, man. The bros are back in action.”

Jer was practically buzzing with excitement as we stripped out of our gear, swapping jerseys and pads for our regular street clothes. The second I stepped outside, I was laser focused—on one thing: booze.

I headed straight for the car, barely glancing around as I threw my bag in the back seat. The lure of alcohol was calling me, louder than it had been in weeks. I’d been fighting that urge, telling myself I was better than this, that I didn’t need it.

But I didn’t want to fight it. I wanted to give in, to feel that familiar burn in my throat and the rush of numbness that would follow.

As I drove to Jeremy’s apartment, which was conveniently just next to mine, I realized I wasn’t thinking about Nova. I wasn’t thinking about my mom, my job, or any of the shit I’d been carrying on my shoulders. All I could think about was the escape waiting for me in that bottle.

The alcohol felt like a lifeline, something that could pull me out of the swirling chaos in my mind and make it all fade away, if only for a little while.

When I pulled up to Jeremy’s place, everything else seemed to disappear.

The tension I’d been holding onto melted away as I parked the car.

It was like the weight of my life, the responsibilities, the expectations—none of it mattered anymore.

I wasn’t Austin Hart, the hockey superstar, the perfect husband, or the best son.

I needed this break. I needed space away from Nova because, while I loved her, every ounce of her, and was obsessed with her, I was exhausted from having to be the pillar for her while she went through her mother’s illness.

I was exhausted from holding everything together so we both could inevitably fall apart.

Done pretending everything was fine, done holding it together for everyone else.

Jer’s apartment felt like a haven as we walked inside. It was familiar, comfortable, and, most importantly, it held the key to my escape. The thought of Nova never crossed my mind, not once. My mom? She was miles away from my thoughts.

I’d earned this. I deserved this.

Jer headed straight for the kitchen, and I could hear him rummaging around as I settled into the couch. He appeared with two glasses in hand, the amber liquid catching the light just right. He handed one to me, and as I wrapped my fingers around the cool glass, a sense of relief washed over me.

“Cheers, man.” I held up the drink, and we clinked our glasses together.

“To a great fucking season,” Jeremy said. “And to letting loose.”

“Hear, hear.”

This was it.

I brought the glass to my lips. The first sip hit my tongue, and all the noise, all the stress—it faded away.