Page 38 of Your Biggest Downfall (Ravens Hockey #3)

austin

Nova’s cheeks were streaked with tears. “You remember everything? Why did you leave me on read for a year, then suddenly act like you wanted to be my friend again?”

I reached out, gently wiping her tears away, but it wasn’t enough. I needed to hold her. I pulled her into my lap and kept her close. I was an asshole—I’d never claimed to be a good guy.

After that night, I remembered what I’d confessed and realized I hadn’t been lying. I had fallen in love with Nova Thatcher. I loved the way she greeted me with ease, patience, and gentleness. I loved that she saw me for who I was. Yet, I thought it would be easier if she stayed away from me.

“The moment I ran into you that day and saw you crying, something broke inside me. I couldn’t push you away anymore. My need for you was stronger than my fear of bringing you down. It was selfish.” The reality of my actions came rushing back. “Because everything I feared I would do, I did.”

My voice cracked, and I had to turn away from Nova. I couldn’t bear to look at her, not when I was drowning in shame and regret for what I’d done. “I’m a bad person, Nova.”

“No,” she whispered, her voice gentle yet firm. “You’re not.”

I lifted up my shirt, exposing the tattoo across my chest. A constellation and a moon. I’d gotten it when I realized how fucked up I was.

“I got this after the party, when I realized how lost I was without you. I got this because I was pushing you away yet needing you nearby.”

Tears streamed down her face, and her jaw went slack. “Y—You got a tattoo for me?”

I shrugged. “Kinda.”

“W—Why?”

“Because I was crazy. I’m crazy for you.”

She reached out and grabbed my chin, pulling me down so I had no choice but to look at her.

God, I loved her curls and her delicate features.

But more than anything, I loved the way her eyes, wide with sorrow, gazed into the depths of my soul, as if searching for the part of me that was still worth saving.

She hesitated, her voice trembling slightly. “Do you think you treated me like all the other girls you always had around because that’s all you knew? No one had shown you anything different. Maybe your intentions were good?”

Her words hung in the air, more truth than question.

“Yes,” I admitted. “They were. When I saw you crying, I wanted to help you escape from your shitty boss—that’s why I invited you to the party.

I was worried you were dating someone, but when you told me you were single, it felt like all bets were off.

And when you walked into my apartment, Nova, you were breathtaking. ”

“You were drunk,” she said, sighing.

I shook my head. “I’d been drinking, but I wasn’t drunk.

I was obsessed with you, Nova.” I traced the lines of her tattoos.

“You’re unlike anyone I’ve ever met. You saw me for who I am, beneath all the layers.

” I paused, searching for the right words.

“You saw me as more than a hockey star or Ledger’s new stepson.

You looked past the surface, past the labels everyone else put on me.

My mom always saw me as the kid who needed watching, the troublemaker.

But with you, it was different. You didn’t see me as a project or someone to fix.

With you, I was just... Austin. And that was enough. ”

Taking a deep breath, I continued, “You made me feel like I had worth beyond the ice, beyond my mistakes. When I was with you, I felt seen in a way I never had before. You didn’t judge me for my past or my flaws.

You saw through all the bullshit and still chose to sit next to me on the plane.

Even after what I did to you at the bar, you made me want to be better.

I went for you, Nova. You see me in a way no one else does, and that makes me want to live up to the person you believe I can be. Everything I do, I do it for you.”

I leaned my forehead against hers, feeling the warmth of her presence. “You gave me a sense of belonging I didn’t know I needed. You saw all the parts of me I tried to hide, and you loved me anyway.”

“Because you’re so complex, Austin.”

She shifted in my lap, settling into a bridal style as I held her close, my hands resting on the small of her waist. The connection between us was undeniable, deeper than I’d ever felt with anyone else. It was clear that she saw every part of me, the good and the bad, and still chose to stay.

“I’m not. I’m a messed up kid who has no fucking direction. I feel like I’m the most successful, directionless person I know. I play hockey. I go home. I eat food. Yet, all I want to do is fucking run away from it all.”

Nova brought her fingers up to my cheeks and traced the stubble along my jawline. I hadn’t shaved since leaving rehab. I closed my eyes and inhaled.

“I’m here,” she whispered so quietly that it felt like the words were part of the breeze.

“I am sorry, Nova.” My voice cracked again.

“You didn’t deserve the way I fucked you.

I was high. I was trying to help you out after I found out about your mom.

I thought you’d appreciate the escape I could give.

I use women, drugs, and booze to escape, and after going to rehab, I realize that wasn’t healthy.

” A tear slipped down my cheek. “After seeing your mom this morning, I’m so sorry, Supernova. I don’t deserve you.”

She reached up, wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me close. “I’m sorry too. I didn’t stop you, Austin. I wanted an escape as much as I wanted you.”

“I should have treated you better,” I said, gesturing to the spread of food. “You deserve to be wined and dined, treated like the most special person on this earth, because you mean so much to me.”

She gave me a soft smile. “Austin?”

“Yeah?” I closed my eyes, resting my forehead against hers. “One more minute,” I murmured.

She let me hold her close for a moment longer before gently pulling away. “You told me twice—last year when you were drunk, and in your letter. You said that you?—”

“I love you,” I finished, wanting to say it sober, to make sure she knew how much I meant it. “You’re the only person who’s ever truly seen me for who I am. I messed up, but I want to show you how I’ve changed. Please, let me show you.”

“I don’t know if I?—”

I shook my head. “You don’t need to say it back, Nova. I just needed you to know how I feel.”

She adjusted in my lap, pressing her back against my chest as she looked out at the water. I wrapped my arms around her, not wanting to let her go.

“So you brought me here to wine and dine me for part two?” she said teasingly.

I squeezed her gently. “No, please don’t think that. I have no expectations. I wanted to share my favorite place with you. Please don’t think?—”

She chuckled softly. “I was teasing you, Austin.”

I let out a sigh of relief. Thank god.

As the sun dipped toward the horizon, I leaned in to whisper in her ear. “Wanna get in?” I nodded toward the lake.

“In the water?” she asked, wide eyed.

“Yeah.”

She turned to me with that smile that was going to ruin me. “I don’t have a bathing suit.”

Her joyful tone was like hearing a chorus after listening to a single melody for so long.

I grinned at her, a playful spark in my eyes. “You don’t need one.”

With that, I got up and walked toward the water. Halfway there, I stopped and looked back, raising an eyebrow. “You coming?”

Nova hesitated for a moment, then broke into a jog to catch up, pulling off her top as she did. She revealed a black bralette that made my breath hitch for a second.

When she reached me, she slowed down, glancing around nervously. “What if someone sees us?” she asked, her voice a mix of excitement and concern.

I looked around, spreading my arms wide to emphasize the emptiness around us. “Like who? No one’s here, Nova. It’s just us.”

She smiled, the worry melting away, and a spark lit her eyes that always drew me in. The water was waiting, and so was I—eager to feel the freedom away from everything that had weighed us down.

I pulled off my shirt and tossed it carelessly onto the sand, the grains warm beneath my feet. With a quick motion, I unbuttoned my pants and slid them down, leaving them in a heap beside my shirt. The cool air brushed against my skin, heightening the anticipation of the water ahead.

There was something about her—something wild and free. She paused for a moment, her gaze locked with mine, before tearing off her jeans with a playful flick, revealing a matching black lace thong that had my mouth watering.

Her honey-colored skin seemed to glow in the soft light, the contrast against the dark lace both striking and seductive.

The tattoos on her arms, intricate and beautiful, swirled up her frame like a map of hidden desires.

Every curve and line was accentuated by the way the lace clung to her.

Her nipples peeked through the thin fabric of her bra, teasing and inviting, making it impossible to look away.

Nova gazed at me, her eyes softening, and there was something almost innocent in the way she did it, despite the fire between us. Her lips parted, and she whispered, “I’ve never been skinny-dipping before.”