Page 49 of Your Biggest Downfall (Ravens Hockey #3)

The need to escape overpowered everything else. I needed to get away, to find a moment of peace, free from the crushing weight of their expectations.

I walked upstairs, my thoughts a jumbled mess, and pushed open a door, thinking it led to the bathroom. But instead, I found myself in Ledger’s study. The place had this old-school mobster vibe, with a huge wooden desk at the center and walls lined with dark, heavy bookshelves.

But it wasn’t the books or the desk that caught my attention—it was a small drawer, tucked right in the middle of the shelves, out of place in this sea of leather-bound volumes.

Something inside me, something I didn’t want to acknowledge, pulled me toward it.

My fingers wrapped around the handle, and when I pulled it open, there it was—a bottle of whiskey, hidden away like a secret.

I stared at the bottle, the amber liquid almost taunting me. It was like the universe had placed it there, just for me. The way the light hit it, the way it seemed to promise an escape from everything swirling in my head—it was magnetic.

My pulse quickened, and all I could think about was how that first sip would feel, the burn as it slid down, numbing everything, even for a moment.

It was too tempting, too easy.

I figured that most of the booze was either destroyed or hidden from me, but this was in Ledger’s personal space. It looked forgotten about.

My head throbbed. I reached for the bottle and curled my fingers around it. Lifting it up, I felt its weight in my hand. I swallowed hard.

I’d been sober for a little over a month, but I still didn’t really believe I was an addict.

“I could have just one sip,” I whispered, twisting the cap open.

My hand trembling slightly, I lifted the bottle to my lips, but I hesitated.

The scent of the whiskey hit me first. It was rich and potent, stirring something deep within me.

I shouldn’t be doing this. I knew that. But the temptation was too strong, the pressure in my head too intense, and I was desperate for any kind of relief.

I tilted the bottle back and took a sip.

The whiskey hit my tongue, and its sharpness was followed by a slow, spreading warmth as it coated my mouth and slid down my throat.

The burn was intense, almost shocking, but at the same time, it was comforting—like an old friend I hadn’t seen in a while.

It settled in my chest, heating me from the inside out, and for a brief moment, the tension in my body seemed to melt away.

Bringing the bottle back to my lips, I took another sip, this one going down easier than the first. The warmth intensified, spreading through my veins, and my anxiety seemed to loosen its grip.

The lure of escape was undeniable, like a siren calling to its prey, and I felt myself leaning into it, letting the alcohol take over. The chaos in my mind quieted, the sharp edges of reality dulling with each drop that slid down my throat.

One more sip.

I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t stop myself.

The bottle was so close, and the promise of oblivion was too tempting to resist. I took another long pull, savoring the way the whiskey wrapped around my senses, drowning out the noise that had been clawing at me all day.

But as I lowered the bottle, the haze lifted enough for me to remember where I was.

If Ledger actually drank this, then I didn’t want him to see any obvious evidence of me having been up here.

I put the bottle down, my heart pounding in my chest. Three long pulls of whiskey—that’s all it took. I hesitated, waiting for the guilt to flood in, to overwhelm me with the weight of what I’d done.

But it didn’t come. There was nothing—no guilt, no regret—just the lingering call of escape, whispering to me, urging me to take another sip, to let go of everything and lose myself in the oblivion I craved.

The kind of escape Nova could offer was fleeting, temporary at best. But the peace whiskey gave me was real, undeniable.

Three shots, and everything felt still, calm, like the world finally made sense.

Not even our trip to Michigan could match the tranquility I found in the moments after the whiskey hit.

“Honey?” my mom called from the stairs.

I capped the whiskey and shoved it back in the drawer. My breath smelled. Fuck. I could smell the booze on myself.

I pushed open the door and slid into the next room over, which, thankfully, was the bathroom. I grabbed the mouthwash from under the sink, hoping it’d mask the smell, at least until I could get some food in me.

“Austin?” Mom gently rapped on the doorframe.

“I’m coming.” I pushed the door open and came face-to-face with my mother, whose hair was pulled up into a big top knot, her curls wildly spilling around her face.

“I’m so sorry about what he said. He cares about you and sees so much potential.”

There was that word again. Potential, which was another way of saying Look at what a disappointment you are to us . I hadn’t actually succeeded in anything, so everyone said I was “full of potential.”

“Sure.” Thank fuck for the whiskey coating my throat.

I walked down the stairs and looked at the little family sitting at the table. Evie was sitting in Ledger’s arms again. Nova turned to face me, her brows furrowed and her smile gone.

“We gotta go.” I closed the distance between us, reaching down for her hand.

She looked back at my mom and Ledger before looking up at me. “Are you sure?” she mouthed.

I grabbed a piece of bread from the counter and stuffed it in my mouth to try and mask the taste of booze on my tongue.

“Yeah. We gotta get going anyway. We couldn’t stay for dinner, just had to stop by.”

“Oh honey, you can?—”

“No.” I stopped my mom. “Sorry.”

“Austin,” Ledger said with a warning in his voice.

I went over and gave him a pat on the back before I turned to hug my mom. “It’s good seeing you both.”

Nova intertwined her fingers with mine as we walked to the car, and I was thankful for her silence.

I tossed her the keys. “Can you drive?”

“Really?” She looked at my sports car, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah. I’m too fucked up—” I paused, catching her narrowed eyes. “Emotionally,” I quickly added.

“Okay,” she whispered. “I’ll drive.”

She headed to the driver’s side while I finished the bread I’d been chewing. I blew into my cupped hand, checking for any lingering smell of booze. Luckily, my breath seemed fine.

I slid into the passenger seat as Nova adjusted herself behind the wheel. “Are you sure you’re okay? That was a lot. We can talk about it if you want...”

“No,” I sighed, leaning back and propping my feet on the dash. “Let’s get tacos.”

I gave her an address, hoping she’d understand that I needed silence more than conversation. And something to soak up the alcohol still swirling in my system.

As she pulled the car onto the road, I glanced back at my mom’s house as it faded into the distance.

“I think this’ll be the last time I see them for a while.”