Page 7 of The Freedom You Seek
The instant my brain comprehended the outrageously large number of strokes my father had settled on, the first blow of the flexible wooden cane landed on my skin. A stinging pain erupted in my back, and I could neither prevent the sharp intake of air nor the pathetic whimper slipping from my lips. As the subsequent strokes followed in a punishing rhythm, I tried my best to focus on my breathing and endure the ordeal.
Inside I screamed, not only in pain but also from anger and frustration, but—apart from the first whimper and my labored breath—I made no sound. In the past, my father had proven he’d escalate my punishment if I broke down completely before he was finished with me.
More and more angry welts formed on my back as my father intensified his blows. At last, my skin split open, and I wasn’t able to contain the tears burning in my eyes any longer.
“I hate this as much as you do, daughter, but nothing else can get some sense into that thick head of yours. You chose this, don’t you ever forget,” my sire gritted out, and the next stroke was the worst so far. My whole back was a bloody and burning mess, and the pain was so intense that black spots danced in my vision. It was so bad that I hoped for merciful oblivion, but each new stroke anchored me in reality.
Finally, the blows ceased—I was in a state of dissociation—and I could barely make out that my father exited the room in silence. I was shivering and shaking andcouldn’t stop sobbing. I didn’t move—it wasn’t possible yet. The slightest movement would trigger outbursts of agony.
“Oh, Nayana. Look what you’ve done again.” My mother’s voice cut through the study like the winter winds. In my misery, I hadn’t even heard her enter.
“If only you behaved as it’s expected of you, Soleth wouldn’t have to discipline you all the time.”
She sighed and placed a small bowl filled with water next to my still-prone form. From the potent smell, I could tell it was an herb infusion.
“And today of all days. Come, we must hurry. Our guests will be here soon.” With that, my mother dipped a piece of cloth into the liquid and cleaned my bleeding back while I couldn’t stop crying.
I hissed when the rag touched my skin, but my mother ignored me, methodically cleaned my wounds, and dressed them with gauze.
“You’re lucky you haven’t spilled blood on your dress,” she said, deftly lacing up my gown. She wasn’t gentle at all, and a fresh burst of blinding agony seared through me, stealing my breath.
“Hurry up and take care of your face and hair. We expect you to be in the dining room in fifteen minutes.”
But before she left, her eyes darted to the floor. Bending down, she picked up the damned choker that must have fallen there earlier. “What a pretty piece,” my mother said almost dreamily and touched her own simple brass choker with a melancholy expression. “Oh, let me help you with that.”
She stepped closer, and I didn’t have any energy left to fight. The precious metal circled my neck like a noose, stealing my breath.
“See? There.” My mother smiled as she closed the lock. “Don’t worry, everything will turn out exactly as you deserve, Nayana.”
“Antas, are we there yet?” Thain’s voice sounded like he was suffering.
I couldn’t stop myself from sighing deeply, maybe because it was almost the hundredth time he’d asked the same question.
I didn’t know what Thain’s problem was today. It was neither too hot nor too cold, it was dry, we’d all had a decent enough sleep last night, and the stew earlier had been tasty enough as well. All things considered, we could do a lot worse.
Even Antas looked annoyed, which was a feat in itself, since my uncle was composure personified under almost all circumstances.
I was about to silence Thain, but Fig beat me to it.
“Thain. Stop behaving like a toddler. You know as well as I do that Antas is essentially leading us blind. Soplease, for the love of all the gods, keep your unnecessary whining to yourself. We could all use a proper bed and a roof over our heads for a change, but you’re the only one complaining.”
“It’s just—” Thain wouldn’t give up nagging, and Ireas eyed over to him as well after throwing glances at the rest of our party of five.
“Thain. You heard Fig. Shut the fuck up.” I sounded just as irritated as I felt. The longer I was traveling with Thain, the more his behavior was bothering me.
Realizing all attention was on him, Thain pouted and mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like ‘Fucking assholes.’
Reining my temper in, I let it slide, and we rode on in silence. Antas was speeding up to scout further ahead, leading the way as he’d done so often in the last few months since we’d started traveling up and down Ivreia. Truth be told, I was also fed up with being on the road all the time chasing gods-know-what, but I knew Fig and Antas took all this seriously. Whateverthiswas. Even after all our travels, I still didn’t know what exactly we were searching for, only that we were following a vague premonition Antas had dreamed.
The situation might have been amusing if it wasn’t so strange—the five of us were chasing aftersomethingwith very little information. Antas believed all would make sense when the time was right, and the way forward would become apparent. I hoped this whole endeavor wouldn’t turn out to be bullshit, but the longer we traveled, the more the journey felt like a giant waste of time. Also, to be honest, Thain’s constant moods didn’t help to improve my own sullen state of mind.
Contemplating all my life’s decisions for the next hour, I didn’t notice that Antas had returned to the group until he steered his horse alongside mine.
“Earlier, I came across some traveling merchants, and we chatted for a while. We should arrive in a town before nightfall if we keep up our pace. Fig has decided that we won’t stop to rest but ride straight there.”
I nodded to my uncle, surprised he’d bother to notify me if Fig already knew.
Maybe he’d realized I was in a bad mood and, for a change, cared enough to try to pull me out of it.