Page 101 of The Freedom You Seek

It was only a short walk to the area where the pyres were located. A few stalls with food and drink were scattered around, and we’d just arrived in time to witness some villagers lighting the kindling with torches, bringing the Samhain fires to life.

“Blessed Samhain.” Dion canted his head.

“To you too. And to you.”

Great. The thing I’d feared all the time had happened. I’d been talking to the tendril wrapped around my forearm. But when it nudged me in return, I buried my embarrassment and instead peered at the pyre nearest to me. Children ran around the fire and played some sort of game I didn’t know.

Samhain marked the end of the harvest season and the beginning of the darker days—a time of ends, renewal, and new beginnings. It was also the day to remember the dead and learn from their sacrifices. Dark days were lying ahead indeed, and I wondered what kind of sacrifices I’d have to make in the near future. The urge to talk became more pressing.

“Dion?”

“Yes, Naya?”

Well, I had his attention, and he glowered less angry or detached at me than he’d done in days. He still had his arm casually wrapped around me, and I sensed it would be unwise to attempt to break free from his grasp. Was that how it would be if we did the binding? A constant struggle for independence that I’d ultimately lose because I was physically weaker?

“Do you think it’s selfish of me to refuse the binding?”

“Why do you think that’s selfish?”

“Well, aren’t we trying to stop the situation with Ivreia and Galanta? Wouldn’t it be our duty to take every advantage we can get?”

The words had just left my mouth when Dion spun me around to face him, and his gaze drilled into mine with an intensity that made me shrink. “Listen to me, Nayana. Itold you before not to think about it. We don’t need the Rite. Just because you’ve decided to fight for the greater good doesn’t mean it’s your duty to sacrifice your values.”

“What if Antas’ dreams led you to me so someone of you would bind with me? What if I’m derailing a bigger plan?”

“What ifs are always dangerous. Don’t lose yourself in them, or it’ll drive you mad. You should make your decisions because youwantto make them, not because you feel obliged to do so.”

“What about you? You’ve never shared your perspective.”

Dion was silent for a while, and when he spoke again, he sounded almost…insecure. “I’m conflicted, Nayana. On one hand, yes, I definitely want to bind, but on the other hand, it scares me shitless.”

My eyes widened. Dion admitting to being afraid was rare. “Why does it scare you?”

Dion huffed, and his absent gaze told me he was searching for the right words. “The Rite of Binding bares the participants to each other on a level I’m not comfortable with.”

What a clever way to say that he didn’t want me to know the real him.

“Stop thinking whatever you’re thinking. It isn’t because of you. At least not in the way you think. I don’t want to drag anyone into the mess of my life, especially not you. Not without the possibility of giving you an out.”

“Then trust me with your mess of a life. Show me therealyou, Dion. And don’t tell me again you aren’t a good person. I don’t care—do you understand? Like you’vesaid, yes, maybe you’re a villain, but I guess I have to accept that I befriended one of those.”

Dion tugged me closer and monitored our surroundings, checking if we were out of earshot of those around us. When he was convinced no one was too close, he peered down at me again. “It isn’t pretty, Naya.”

“I don’t care. What is it you hide so deep inside that makes you loathe everyone, especially yourself?”

For the first time, I had the feeling that I had a chance to pierce through the hard shell Dion had surrounded himself with. I stayed quiet and watched him fight against himself and with his words. It took minutes before he closed his eyes, then opened them again with steely determination sparkling in them.

“Nayana, I hope you’re sure.”

He seemed—no, hewasso vulnerable, it almost broke my heart. “Yes, of course. Just don’t push me away ever again.”

“All right.” Dion took a deep breath. “It’s a long, complicated story. You must know, I’m—”

“Nayana!Can we talk?”

Both Dion and I flinched, and he released me from the warm embrace of his arms and magic. I wanted to strangle Bryon, who dared to interrupt us during such an important conversation, and one look at Dion was enough to realize he’d already built up his walls again. My chance had passed. I had to ask anyway. “Do you want to go somewhere else to talk about this?”

“No, it’s all right. Go speak to your friend. It would have been a bad idea, anyway.”