Page 54 of The Freedom You Seek
“It would be much easier to grant you independence if you weren’t so damn easy to damage.”
“I’m tougher than you think, and I don’t want to be coddled. Just like you want to be respected, Dion.”
Dion hummed displeased, but nodded slightly. “I’ll try. And I hope you believe me when I say I don’t want to keep you small and vulnerable. Strange as it may sound, I enjoy it when you fight back and stand up to me. There’s a fire in you that’s quite endearing.”
My anger evaporated, but my eyes narrowed. “So you’re that annoying because you like to provoke me?”
“Just as you enjoy provoking me, little Jama.” Dion’s answer was a purr, and I was suddenly very aware of how close we were. “Maybe you’ve been right, and wearefriends after all.”
A pearly laugh escaped my throat before I could hold it back. “Finally coming to terms with that?” Happiness bloomed in my chest, and I couldn’t stop myself from teasing Dion some more. “I always knew you were slow, but this is a new low, even for you.”
“Be careful, Jama. Don’t poke the bear,” Dion rumbled, and I realized he was a lot more relaxed.
“So, friends?”
Dion smiled one of his rare, warm smiles that never failed to make my heart skip a beat. There was also a bitof resignation in his eyes that confused me, but I decided not to ask him about it.
“Friends,” he finally answered, sounding fierce, and he reached out to ruffle my hair. “My friend.”
“You act as if you never had one before.” Under laughter, I smoothed my blonde locks down where he’d disturbed the tresses.
“Companions, acquaintances, trusted teachers, or students, yes. Friends—I don’t know.” Dion’s musings almost broke my heart. Had he never had any friends before? I couldn’t believe it.
“Oh, come on. Wouldn’t you call the others your friends? Antas, Fig, and Ireas?” I asked, carefully avoiding any mention of Thain. There was obviously no love lost between those two.
“Well, we’re comrades with a common goal, and I’ll fight by their side just as they will stand by mine. Antas—well, he’s my uncle, and he’s always looking out for me. We’re close, but that’s different. I trust them all to have my back, just as I’ll have theirs.”
“What about at home? I’m sure you have someone there.”
When Dion just shook his head, I pressed on.
“Maybe a lover, then?” The word tasted bitter on my tongue, and I tried to ignore the pang of unease the thought triggered in my middle.
“No. Attachments are weaknesses I’ve spent my whole life avoiding. And especially with females, it was always only casual. A physical release. I wouldn’t want anything else, ever.”
“I can understand that. Love is an illusion anyway.”
“No, I disagree. I’ve seen couples loving each other so much that their devotion was burning bright, and it was undeniably real. But I’ve also witnessed what kind of weakness such feelings can be. Take Antas, for example. When his wife and daughter died, he’d almost followed them to Udiona because of his broken heart. He still blames himself to this day that he let their death happen, even if there was nothing he could have done to save them. But that’s something he’d have to tell you since it’s not my story to tell.” Dion seemed relaxed, but I detected a weird tension. “So, in my opinion, even the greatest love doesn’t justify the potential pain.”
“I think the concept of love is an invention of sad people who couldn’t cope with their miserable lives anymore and wanted a promise of something to make it worthwhile. A hope for something better. However, it’s all pure fantasy. Of course, you can have crushes or be attracted to someone, but mostly because of physicality.” Just as I had to admit to myself that it was possible I had a crush on Dion despite all his flaws and my convictions. Certainly, it was impossible to be that physically close to a gorgeous man day and night for weeks without developing some confusing fee—thoughts. Not that I wouldevertell him.
“You two sound depressing.” Ireas appeared next to us and grinned slyly. I was glad to see that he was better after he’d taken the arrow in the shoulder.
“What do you want, Ireas?” Dion snarled, obviously unhappy that we’d been interrupted.
“Fig sent me to tell you that we’ll stop in half an hour. There’s a small town nearby, and he wants you and me to go fill our supplies, Dion.”
“No. Can’t do it. Nayana can’t be seen.”
“Well, about that. Fig wants her to train with Thain while we’re gone.”
As Dion transformed into his motionless self behind me, I braced myself for the imminent explosion. One of his hands let go of the reins, and he wrapped his arm around my waist like a steel band. “I don’t like that.” He was full of restrained fury, and as usual, when he was battling with himself, his speech pattern devolved into the simplest of structures. How fitting, considering how childish his territorial behavior was.
“It’ll be all right, Dion. Antas and Fig will be there too.” I awkwardly patted his arm, which tightened even more around my midsection, squeezing the air out of my lungs.
“It better be. If you fall unconscious again, I’ll definitely disembowel Thain this time.”
Leaving Jama in the secluded clearing with the others was hard. Lucky for him, Thain didn’t pay me or her any attention. Still, it didn’t stop me from glaring at him and silently threatening him that he would be in serious trouble if he so much as harmed a single hair on her pretty little head.