Page 6 of The Freedom You Seek

The realization of what was going on hit me, and my hands began to tremble. It was unlikely that this dinner would be some casual first meeting or a tentative negotiation. This had to be more. The jewelry showed that my suitor was more than only halfway committed to this union, and since my parents had accepted the choker on my behalf, it could only mean they approved of the marriage proposal.

I wasn’t able to breathe, my hands were shaking, and bile rose in my throat. This was my worst nightmare. I struggled for air as my windpipe tightened, and it took all I had to fight off a panic attack.

Closing my eyes, I counted in silence until I was able to chase away the immediate terror.

My hands clutched the offending choker, and I inspected it more closely. Of course, once it was locked, it could only be opened again with a unique key—which was nowhere to be found. Whoever had sent this to me must have a controlling streak. The world started to spin around me, and my dress suddenly felt much too tight.

It was impossible for me to stay put in my room after such a revelation, so I rushed out of the door. Anger bubbled beneath my surface, waiting to be released. Holding the choker in my clenched fist, I approached my father’s study and burst through the door. I was too caught up in my own spiraling thoughts to fully consider the consequences of my actions.

“What in Noelk’s name is this?” I seethed, the anger cutting through my panic, and I raised my fist, shaking the damned piece of jewelry. “Tell me this doesn’t mean what I think it does!”

“Nayana, you’re forgetting your manners.”

“I couldn’t care less about manners!”

My father slowly rose from his chair, his gaze never leaving my eyes. Every word, every movement was a warning I shouldn’t ignore, but did anyway. Although he’d worked sitting behind a desk his whole life, my father was a big, burly man, and his muscles were clearly visible even through the loose sleeves of his tunic.

“Nayana, you’re old enough to be wed. You’ve been for many winters already. You’re almost too old for any advantageous match, and I start to regret giving you the chance to find a suitable spouse on your own for so long. I can see it was a mistake—instead of being invested in your godsgiven duties, you dedicate your time to those books and dally around. You should be grateful I took it upon myself to secure your future.”

I clenched my teeth so hard I wouldn’t have been surprised if they’d cracked. My inner voice told me I should nod and leave it alone and that it was wrong to talk backto my father, but I rarely listened to its reasoning. In the past, I’d spent quite a few days regretting any defiance I’d shown. However, I couldn’t simply agree to an arranged marriage. It was my life after all, and I had to at least try to fight for myself, even if it’d only brought me pain in my past—even if I knew deep down that I couldn’t win this war.

“I don’t want to marry, and you know it. I hate those laws, and I don’t want or need some man to own me. I’ll be fine on my own! That’s what I’ll tell my suitor later. I won’t be given away like a piece of cattle.” I stared at my father, whose face was slowly turning red. The sneer he wore was all too familiar. My suspicion solidified that the mistake of speaking unfiltered and opposing him would cost me dearly.

On top of changing color, my father’s expression twisted into a mask of rage, and he stepped around his desk toward me.

My heart raced—I knew too well how violent he could be. How much he’d hurt me over the winters, how much worse his outbursts had gotten the older I became.

I took a step back, but he reached out and caught my upper arm, his fingers digging hard into my flesh. Tomorrow I’d have bruises for sure.

“I’ve never seen something more ungrateful in my whole life. Your poor mother and I have tried to give you the best possible upbringing and all the prospects you could ever wish for. And that’s how you’re thanking us?” His shouting sent spittle flying, but I barely felt the wet drops that landed on my skin.

I was frozen, and even if I were able to move, there would be no escaping until my father was finished with me.

“Mark my words, you’ll marry the man I’ve chosen for you as soon as possible—and you’ll do it with a happy smile on your face. And if you prefer to stay difficult and mess this up, I’ll take you to the lake in person and make sure you’ll never cause problems again. No daughter of mine will be a disgrace to this family!”

I stared at my father in shock. His hand was still clamped around my upper arm, and his fingers tightened with each of his shouted sentences. But all that paled compared to the threat he’d just voiced, and I knew my father well enough to comprehend that he never bluffed.

“Do you really prefer my death over granting me just a little freedom? A small amount of free will?” I should have stayed silent, allowing him to rage, but my mouth had been faster than reason again.

“Yes. This is the last chance I’ll give you.”

Something inside of me shattered further. It was no wonder I struggled to believe in love when even my parents treated me so badly.

Tears formed in my eyes, and I furiously blinked them away as I tried to free my arm. “Let go of me!” My voice sounded braver than I felt, and the dangerous look on my father’s face morphed into something even wilder.

“No, Nayana. I need to make sure that you understand how important your very best behavior is. And that you’ll do exactly as you’re told. This stubborn streak of yours may have been cute when you were a toddler, but that time is long over. You’re a grown woman with obligationsand duties—and marrying advantageously is the most important duty you have toward your family and the gods. It’s predictable you’ve selected the hard way to learn this lesson—again.”

His tone was cold as ice as he pulled me roughly toward his big desk. I stifled a cry, knowing only too well what was about to happen. Despite my ongoing struggle, my father pushed my upper torso to the wooden work desk with enough force to leave me breathless.

“Don’t you dare to scream or cry,” my sire said as his angry fingers undid the lacing of my gown, exposing a good portion of bare skin between my shoulders and waist. Dread crept up my spine and paralyzed me in place.

“And don’t move. Or else—” he said and left my side for a moment.

I knew exactly why he’d retreated, and a pathetic whimper escaped my lips. My heart was beating like crazy, and I squeezed my eyes shut. Everything in me wanted to beg, to plead for mercy, but experience told me it was too late to make him change his mind about my punishment. My father had turned into a creature full of controlled rage, and nothing could stop the monster in him anymore.

“This is so you remember to behave later today.” His heavy steps approached me again, and I tensed in fearful anticipation. The smell of old cigar smoke burned in my nose, and I had to fight hard not to choke.

“I have to ensure you’ll never forget the manners we taught you. When I’m done with you, every move you make will remind you what happens when you forget yourplace. And to guarantee you learn your lesson, you’ll endure thirty strokes with the cane today. Prepare yourself.”