Page 56 of Sorry, Not Sorry

Arne gently shooed Sigmund off his lap and leaned forward in his chair. ‘Why do you want to go back to work, Delilah?’

Delilah stared at the floor, mulling over her options. She could offer a glib response and say what she thought Arne wanted to hear, or she could use the lessons she’d learned and tell the truth.

She took a breath and then looked up to meet his gaze.

‘Because it’s the only job I’ve ever had where I truly felt like I fitted.

I wasn’t great at it, because I was blind to so much about myself, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t being real.

Helping people who are struggling with unhealthy relationships means everything to me.

I understand that I don’t know half of what I think I know, but I’m not scared or embarrassed any more to ask for help.

I know from our sessions how important it is to have people I can bounce ideas off and share my doubts and insecurities with, and I’m ready to do it right this time. ’

Arne leaned back, and a slow smile worked its way across his face. ‘Bravo, Delilah. I think you’re ready, too.’

She had been so focused on expressing her feelings that it took a few moments for Arne’s words to register.

‘ Really? ’ she whispered, her voice cracking with incredulity.

‘Really.’ Arne nodded. His brilliant blue eyes suddenly looked suspiciously moist, and he cleared his throat loudly. ‘I will send a message to Polly this afternoon. She has missed having you on her team and this will be very welcome news to her.’

Delilah’s smile was so wide that her face hurt, and it took all her willpower – and the real fear of Sigmund hissing at her – not to whoop out loud.

She hadn’t realised until this moment just how badly she wanted her job back.

This time, however, it wasn’t to prove anything to Polly, Farhan or Salome – or even to herself.

It was to help people find a way through the conflict in their relationships without harming each other.

Then, just as suddenly, the doubts flooded in. ‘What if it turns out I’m still being biased?’ she asked hesitantly.

There was silence, but she had learned that when Arne paused, it wasn’t judgement. He had heard her, and he was reflecting.

‘Delilah, the insights you have gained during our time together won’t change your behaviour overnight.

That will take practice and being patient with yourself,’ Arne said gently.

‘Any setbacks will be part of the process of learning, but I’m confident you have enough awareness of your sensitivities to recognise when you are in danger of breaching boundaries with your clients.

Don’t forget that you also have your colleagues and your supervision group to advise you when you face such challenges and, as we have agreed, you will continue your sessions with me. ’

‘But what if?—?’

‘Therapy is also about recognising your strengths, Delilah,’ Arne cut in before she could continue. ‘Remind yourself how far you’ve come over these past months.’

He stood up and walked towards the door, leaving her with no choice but to pick up her bag and jacket and do the same.

Arne opened the door and stood back, and when she hesitated, he gave her an encouraging smile. ‘You will be fine, Delilah. You have the tools to reframe false and negative beliefs into what is real and possible – so use them.’

Once again, her Viking giant of a therapist was right.

Delilah nodded, only just restraining herself from hugging him fiercely.

Instead she gave him a huge smile and took off down the corridor, running past Sadie’s office and down the stairs with her heart bursting from joy.

She knew what getting help had done for her, and she couldn’t wait to do the same for others.