Page 3 of Sorry, Not Sorry

Delilah stood frozen in the middle of her office staring in shock at the closed door.

The silence in the room following Brian’s furious departure and forceful door slam was so electric she could feel the hair rising on her arms. Moments later, the door opened a few inches, and a head poked through the gap.

‘Del? Are you alright?’

Delilah’s expression seemed answer enough because the door opened wider, and a brown-skinned woman wearing black jeans and a purple jumper with a matching headwrap slipped into the room and quietly closed the door behind her.

‘What the hell happened? I was next door typing up my session notes and it sounded like World War Three had broken out in here.’

Delilah drew in a shaky breath and shook her head in bewilderment. ‘It was the Hendersons trying to score points off each other again. She kept pushing his buttons, but this time he completely lost it… I can’t believe what he just did, Armenique.’

‘I heard him through the wall! It’s just as well I didn’t have any clients with me, because—’ She broke off and pursed her lips. ‘You okay, hon?’ she asked softly.

‘No, no I’m not! I have tried everything with those two but it’s like talking to a brick wall. He’s a domestic tyrant and she’s got the communication skills of a raging bull.’

‘So, not exactly your dream pairing, then?’ Armenique said with a rueful smile, leaning her back against the door.

‘Well, it makes sense. They wouldn’t be here for couples counselling if they were love’s young dream now, would they?

He sounded furious, though. Have you talked to Polly about them or brought this up in supervision? ’

‘Not exactly,’ Delilah muttered. She ducked her head and her braids swung forward, hiding her face.

She had grown close to Armenique since they’d started their training together, but Delilah had never admitted her terror of sounding incompetent in a group setting or shared how uneasy it felt for her to admit to difficulties within an open forum.

‘Del, it’s no secret that you loathe supervision,’ Armenique said pointedly, ‘but the whole point of it is to share challenges we’re having with clients – and let’s face it, you’ve had more than your share of bad luck with some of yours lately.

If you haven’t given Polly a heads-up on this couple and she finds out what’s just happened?—’

She broke off at the sound of a peremptory knock, quickly stepping aside as the door opened and a slightly built woman wearing a poppy-patterned knit dress came into the room.

‘Hi Polly,’ said Delilah with a weak smile, not altogether surprised to see her manager. Everyone on the floor had probably heard Brian’s stormy exit.

Armenique pulled a face, mouthing a silent ‘good luck’ to Delilah, before slipping out of the room and closing the door behind her.

Polly stood inside the room with her arms folded, her usual cheery smile nowhere in evidence. ‘So, what happened this time?’ she asked bluntly.

Delilah inhaled sharply, stung by the implication behind Polly’s words. It wasn’t as if clients slammed their way out of her office every day.

‘It wasn’t my fault, Polly! You know how tricky the Hendersons have been to work with.’

‘Do I?’

‘Well… okay,’ Delilah hedged. ‘I suppose I could have been a bit more specific about their situation.’

‘You think?’

Delilah shrugged off the sarcasm. ‘I didn’t want to make a big deal about it to you because I thought I could handle the situation, but honestly, those two are a proper nightmare!

I don’t blame Janine because it’s obvious he’s impossible, but she knows which buttons to press to wind him up.

I was trying to keep things calm, but she kept taunting him, and in the end it set him right off.

It was awful, Polly – he literally dragged her out of here! ’

‘Take me through what happened, please. Step by step.’

It took a lot to ruffle Polly’s feathers, and seeing her supervisor looking so grim set Delilah’s alarm bells ringing.

Relationship counselling was her dream job, but some recent client sessions had ended with couples engaging in shouting matches or walking out mid-session, and she was growing increasingly anxious that despite all her hard work, the dream could be slipping through her fingers.

Polly had been patient and encouraging, but this was the third incident with a disgruntled client in as many weeks, and even Polly’s tolerance had its limits.

‘Well?’

Unnerved by the uncompromising tone, Delilah squashed her rising panic and quietly related the events of the session, while Polly sank into an armchair and listened without interruption.

‘So, if I’m understanding you correctly, you described Mr Henderson as domineering?’ Polly asked evenly.

Delilah’s nerves were beginning to jangle, and she sat down in Brian’s recently vacated chair. ‘I wasn’t making a personal judgement. I was trying to get him to understand how she sees him.’

‘I get that, but from your own description, Mrs Henderson sounds like a woman who can speak for herself. You do know your job is to facilitate their communication and not put words in their mouths, don’t you?’

Delilah opened her mouth and then shut it again.

Listen, consider, acknowledge, speak . Isn’t that what she told her clients to do during difficult conversations?

She drew in a calming breath and suppressed the urge to defend herself.

With only eight months of practical training left to earn her diploma and qualify as a counsellor, she had to make it to the finish line.

Polly clearly hadn’t fully grasped what had happened during the session or appreciated that there was only so much Delilah could have done with two people bent on pushing their own agendas and refusing to communicate like adults. She tried again.

‘Polly, I hear you and I can understand why you might think it was down to me, but the truth is Brian – Mr Henderson – has resisted counselling from the get-go. He only agreed to come with her because Janine threatened to leave him if he didn’t.

I know he says he loves his wife, but he acts like it’s either his way or the highway. ’

‘How do you know that?’

Baffled, Delilah stared at her supervisor. ‘Because that’s what Janine says and—’ She broke off as Polly shook her head, looking exasperated.

‘It might be Janine’s truth, Del, but that doesn’t mean it’s the absolute truth.

You know from your training that you have to listen to everything, but also question everything.

Our clients’ emotions can cloud their judgement, which makes them unreliable narrators.

If you only take one person’s perspective on a situation, then all you know is what they choose to tell you – which is never the whole truth! ’

‘I agree,’ Delilah argued. ‘But it doesn’t help the situation when the man clams up any time he’s challenged.’

When Polly remained silent, Delilah ignored the voice in her head telling her to stop digging and instead kept going. ‘I’ve tried very hard to get Brian to open up and communicate, but today Janine kept goading him, and it all suddenly got super intense.’

‘Dealing with couples in dispute will get intense, but it’s your job to manage the situation and create a safe space for your clients to work through their emotions,’ Polly said brusquely.

‘You can only help them fix what’s broken and build a stronger relationship if they understand what’s led them to where they are now.

Of course, you can challenge their reasoning, but your role is to make it easier for them to have honest and constructive communication, which means not taking sides. ’

‘I was trying to get him to acknowledge how his behaviour impacts her,’ Delilah said doggedly, wounded by the unfair criticism. ‘Brian acts like a caveman throw-back, and I know Janine can be a bit full-on but quite frankly, she deserves better.’

Polly’s expression shifted, and her light blue eyes narrowed into a probing gaze. ‘What’s going on here, Delilah?’

‘What do you mean? I’ve told you what happened. I suggested a standard exercise to help Brian understand Janine’s perspective. I followed all the steps.’

‘Yes, but what’s really going on here? Why were you so insistent that he should see himself the way you appear to have painted him?’

Delilah squirmed under Polly’s laser stare. Suddenly lost for words, she could feel her pulse quickening again and her eyelid beginning to twitch – a sure sign that she was feeling under stress. She turned away and smoothed her hair back with fingers that had unaccountably started to tremble.

‘I – I don’t think… It – it’s…’ She stopped stammering and closed her eyes for a moment, shaking her head as if it would throw her scattered thoughts into a coherent sentence.

‘It sounds to me like there’s a strong element of projection taking place here, Del, and, if I’m honest, it’s not the first time.’

Polly’s blunt words were like a kick to Delilah’s chest and her lungs tightened painfully. She had worked so hard on this course! Was her job really at risk because she was trying to help a headstrong couple and save a woman from her domineering husband?

‘I know it seems like I’ve been messing up lately, Polly, but I’m doing my best.’ Delilah could hear the tremor in her voice, and she sucked in a breath, trying to steady her jumping nerves. ‘This job’s really important to me. I’ll do anything! I’ll apologise to Brian and Janine and?—’

‘No,’ Polly interjected. ‘I’ll speak to Mr and Mrs Henderson and explain you overstepped, and that what happened today was an unfortunate misunderstanding.

But, Delilah, I need you to think carefully about what’s been happening with your clients over the past few weeks and decide if this line of work is really for you. ’