Page 41 of Sorry, Not Sorry

‘ Please , Polly! I’ve been working on myself like you wouldn’t believe.

For months, I’ve reflected on and assessed my past relationships like you said.

I’ve explained to you how I’ve gone in search of my ex-boyfriends and taken accountability for my behaviour and made amends.

I’ve seen Arne every single Monday except when he went on holiday, and I am so much clearer about myself.

I totally get my biases and my triggers, and – and everything!

I want – no, I need to come back to work. I promise things will be different.’

With little else to do except nurse her broken heart, Delilah had impulsively risked a final throw of the dice by calling Polly first thing on Monday morning.

Polly had sounded pleased to hear from her and had listened carefully while Delilah explained her progress with therapy and detailed her reflections about the impact of her past relationships and her learning.

But, despite her manager’s pleasant and sympathetic tone, it was clear to Delilah that her pleas to return to work were landing on stony ground, and Polly wasn’t going to shift.

‘I can tell you’re making great progress and it’s so encouraging that you’ve spent this time re-examining your past relationships, Del.

It’s clear you’re working on yourself, and this will all help make you an amazing and compassionate counsellor.

I’m delighted you’re sticking with therapy.

It’s crucial and I knew you’d find the sessions helpful – and didn’t I tell you Arne’s the absolute best? ’

‘But Polly?—’

‘Delilah, listen to me,’ Polly interrupted. ‘Therapy isn’t a magic switch. If you want to see real change, you need to do the work with Arne so you can sustain your progress for the long term.’

‘But I don’t need fixing!’ Delilah burst out in frustration.

There was a short silence and then Polly said gently, ‘This isn’t about fixing you, Del.

You are not broken. We all have unresolved issues; it’s called being human.

Going through therapy is so we can learn about ourselves and understand our conscious and unconscious patterns – what they are, where they started, what keeps them going, and how we improve ourselves so we can serve those in our care and not let our issues spill onto our clients.

But counselling only works if we have explored and, most crucially, changed our behaviour.

I want you to give this process a little more time, and you’ll see the reward from the efforts you put in. ’

When Delilah didn’t answer, Polly went on. ‘Keep up the good work and Arne will let me know when he thinks you’re ready to come back, okay?’

No! Delilah screamed silently. It isn’t okay!

On the brink of tears, she ended the call and flung her phone onto the sofa.

She had embarked on the tortuous process of throwing herself on the mercy of irate former boyfriends, navigating painful memories in therapy and reviving her dormant feelings for Noah, only to have it thrown in her face.

She had done all this to show Polly she had matured as a person and a counsellor…

and it was all for nothing! For a moment, she felt like hurling herself on the floor and howling like a child, but even Maya had grown past throwing tantrums.

So, what now Del?