Page 2 of Sorry, Not Sorry

It was safe to say the counselling session wasn’t going well.

Janine Henderson appeared every inch ready for battle.

Glaring at her husband, she tapped out a rapid tattoo on the polished parquet flooring with the metal-tipped heel of her new stilettos.

Brian was seated across from her, his gaze firmly fixed on the scuffed toes of his boots, and looking less like a gladiator than a visibly upset middle-aged man.

With half an hour of the session still to go, Delilah was floundering.

Any hope that she could shift the couple in her office from outright hostility to some form of mutual understanding was rapidly draining away.

The few minutes for reflection she had suggested while she mentally flipped through her communication skills toolkit had made no discernible difference.

Janine’s expression hadn’t budged, and Brian was clearly fuming.

Delilah flicked her gaze from husband to wife with mounting frustration.

The Hendersons’ fragile relationship was unravelling faster than she could have predicted, and while Brian would easily have won an award for exasperating husband of the year, Delilah simply couldn’t afford to have another client walk out on her.

She had slogged her way through a gruelling two-year course to make it as a trainee relationship counsellor, and since starting the all-important final year of practical training and supervised practice with a roster of clients, two of her couples had requested a change of counsellor while another three had quietly quit the programme.

Having stubbornly refused to admit to Polly, her supervisor, that she was struggling with the Hendersons, Delilah had exhausted every tool in her counselling repertoire and was bitterly regretting not asking for help.

The sound of Janine’s heel tapping was growing increasingly more irritating, and Delilah fought the urge to snap at her.

It wasn’t the woman’s fault that her relationship was wedged on the rocks.

After twenty-two years with a man whose marital expectations were better suited to the 1950s than the 2020s, Janine had finally reached the end of her tether, and it was hard not to feel a sneaking sympathy for her.

If Delilah had been forced to live with Brian’s long list of requirements – not least expecting his dinner to be on the table at six-thirty sharp with no exceptions – she would be doing a lot worse than boring a hole in the flooring.

Your personal opinions have no place in relationship counselling, Del . Polly’s frequent admonition popped into Delilah’s head, and she refocused her attention on the couple. After her recent run of bad luck with clients, it was time to calm the troubled waters.

‘Now, Brian, refusing to compromise doesn’t sound like a very helpful way of thinking,’ Delilah said gently. ‘What other way do you think you could show Janine you understand her perspective?’

‘But I – I don’t understand, do I?’ Brian broke his silence, sounding so outraged that his words emerged in staccato bursts.

‘We’ve been doing alright for more than twenty bloomin’ years.

Now she’s gone and got all these ideas from God knows where.

Does she just expect me to roll over and accept it? How’s that fair?’

‘ How’s that fair? ’ had already come up several times in the session, and Delilah tried not to roll her eyes.

‘Look, Brian, I understand things have changed in the relationship, which you’re not yet comfortable with, and that’s perfectly understandable.

But, at the end of the day, you are both here because you want to make your marriage work – for both of you.

Okay, let’s move on.’ She softened her voice, trying not to sound impatient.

‘I want you to try a different exercise. Think about three things you love most about Janine. Go on – dig deep.’

The muscles in Brian’s jaw moved, but no words emerged.

The heel tapping paused, but as the silence lengthened, Janine’s cheeks reddened with anger.

She narrowed her eyes and flipped back her newly highlighted blonde waves – her latest act of defiance against Brian’s stated preference for her previously straight brown hair.

‘Yeah, Brian, think ! Remember what we learned last week about how you need to “use your words”?’ Janine’s voice dripped with sarcasm as she crooked her fingers into air quotes.

The previous week’s session, which had focused on communicating in a loving tone, had clearly gone over Janine’s head, and Brian’s ruddy features paled at his wife’s taunting. Trying to control the damage, Delilah hastily intervened.

‘Brian, I know it can be challenging to delve into your emotions, but Janine is trying to express to you that after many years of marriage, she feels like you no longer see her. So, if you can tell her how much you appreciate her and give specific examples of why you love her, it will strengthen the foundation of understanding between the two of you. I believe what Janine is trying to communicate here is that when you sound… er…’ Careful, no opinions!

‘…inflexible in your requests, it makes her feel?—’

‘It pisses me off is what it does!’ Janine cut in with an impatient wave of her manicured hand.

‘For twenty-two bloody years I’ve had to cancel everything just so you can have your dinner on the table at half-six.

Anyone would think you’d drop dead if you didn’t eat bang on the half hour!

Well, like Delilah says, it’s high time you realised I’ve got my own needs.

Which means if I want to go to my Salsa class on Tuesdays at six, I bloody well will ! ’

Brian’s mouth worked silently while his complexion went from pallid to puce, and Delilah bit her lip in dismay.

Janine clearly didn’t do nuance and was wielding Delilah’s carefully crafted words encouraging the couple to establish mutually respectful boundaries like a sledgehammer and making an already tricky situation worse.

Taking advantage of Brian’s temporary inability to use his words, Delilah jumped in.

‘Janine, that’s not what I said! Look, Brian, I think what’s important here is that you acknowledge Janine’s needs and let her know you’re sorry for what could be seen as… well, being a bit domineering.’

‘Only thing I’m bloody sorry about is wasting my bloody time coming ’ere!’ Brian’s fleshy chin quivered with fury as he finally found his voice. ‘Come on, gel, we’re going!’ he bellowed.

Janine’s eyes bulged in shock as Brian jumped up and pulled her out of her chair. Before she could protest, he bundled her out of the office and slammed the door behind him.