Page 15 of Sorry, Not Sorry

‘Okay, I’ll do it.’

‘Do what ?’ Salome sounded baffled, and Delilah stopped pacing up and down her living room and exhaled in irritation.

‘Duh! What have you been nagging me to do since I got suspended?’

‘ Oh! ’ Salome exclaimed. ‘You mean the apologies?’ When Delilah remained silent, she added enthusiastically, ‘That’s brilliant , hon! It might feel a bit awkward at first, but once you’ve done the first one?—’

‘Sal, I hope you realise we’re not talking about me learning how to paint a picture or – or knit a bloody jumper here!

You’re asking me to go out and find men I haven’t spoken to in years and grovel.

Five different guys, all of whom will probably want to kill me!

Have you any idea how terrifying that is? ’

Salome sighed deeply. ‘Del, I know it won’t be easy, but I really do think that having these difficult conversations will improve your self-awareness and give you closure.’

‘I have closure,’ Delilah started, and then stopped, hearing the lack of conviction in her own voice.

The session with Arne had shaken her more than she was prepared to admit, and there was nothing like sitting around aimlessly in her flat to force some introspection about her past behaviour and drive home how badly she wanted to get back to work.

‘What’s changed your mind? Was it the therapy session?’ Salome sounded curious and Delilah shrugged, not sure how to explain her decision to go along with a plan that sounded like walking into a lion’s den without a single piece of armour.

‘Maybe. Arne said it sounded like an interesting challenge. He also suggested I needed to be clear whether I was doing it for the benefit of the men I dumped or just to make myself feel good and impress Polly.’

‘And?’

‘And it’s a good question. Obviously, I want my job back, but I was thinking about what you said – you know, about how you’d want to know why someone dumped you and that you’d blame yourself if you didn’t have an explanation?

If I’m honest, I’d hate it if a guy just disappeared on me.

Soo , I’m thinking that as much as I hate admitting you’re right – because you can never resist saying “I told you so” – maybe this time you’ve actually got a point. ’

‘ I told you so! ’ Salome crowed triumphantly.

Delilah rolled her eyes in exasperation, only just resisting the urge to hurl the phone onto the floor. ‘That’s so mature,’ she muttered.

Salome giggled, and then after a moment, her voice sobered. ‘Seriously, hon, I’m glad you’re ready to give it a try. I know it’s a big ask, but taking accountability for hurting someone can only be a good thing, right?’

Can it? Delilah wondered grimly as she ended the call. She wished she shared Salome’s optimism because from where she was standing, opening up the past to put things right was risking an awful lot more going wrong.