Page 57 of Should Our Hearts Catch Fire

“Now, that I can believe,” Jordan teases, earning a stink eye. He laughs. “Do go on.”

Licking his lips, Ellis shrugs. “There’s not much to say. I kept going back to the café. For the coffee.”

“Of course. Cafés on the Coast are scarce,” Jordan deadpans.

Ellis kicks him in the shin, letting out a wistful sigh. “He… I don’t know. Whenever I step in there, I feel a little more like…myself. Like I can breathe. Like the world is not crashing down around me.”

It sounds like bullshit even to his ears, but Jordan doesn’t laugh. His gaze is soft and, if it’s possible, a little melancholic.

“What’s his name?”

Fighting and failing to suppress a smile, Ellis breathes out, “Gabriel.”

Jordan’s lips twitch. Ellis fails to see what’s so funny. “You wanna ask him out?”

Guilt slams into him with a force that makes him gasp for a breath. “Heaskedmeout. Wrote his number on the takeaway box last time I was there with a note ‘Have dinner with me’.”

Jordan whistles. Ellis doesn’t like how excited he looks. “Ballsy. Me likey. When was this?”

Ellis averts his eyes. “Saturday.”

He can feel Jordan’s burning stare on the side of his face.

“Please tell me you’ve been back since.” The tone of his voice suggests he already knows the answer.

Ellis swallows. “I was going to go. But then Dawson called that Cal’s at the hospital and…everything just snowballed from then on.”

“Snowballed, my ass,” Jordan says indignantly. “You bailed, Ellis, admit it.”

“I didn’t… I was going to say yes when I went there on Monday. I was.” He looks at Jordan to prove he’s telling the truth. “But…a part of me was…”

Jordan’s stern face softens with understanding. “Relieved that you had an out?”

Shame burning under his skin, Ellis nods. “I don’t want to give him false hope. I’m not even sure I’m attracted to him. He’s a really nice person and I like talking to him, but that could be all there is to it.”

What if he just feels a little attached because Gabriel treats him so kindly? What if he’s just confusing attraction with something way more platonic? He’d never forgive himself if he started something with Gabriel, only to turn around days, weeks later and tell him he got it wrong, he actually doesn’t like himthatway.

“I suppose he’s…cute. In a goofy way. The stuff that comes out of his mouth is honestly off the charts ridiculous, and then he gets all flustered and flushed when he realizes what he said. He makes the best coffee and sometimes writes little messages on the cups. And he always looks so damn earnest when he’s listening to me prattle on about something and—What?”

Looking at Jordan, he finds himself on the receiving end of a very flat look. “Yeah, you’re not attracted to him at all.”

Ellis scowls, his cheeks burning. “Very helpful.”

“How would you like me to help? Do you want me to kiss you again to see if it does anything for you?”

Ellis scrunches his nose instinctively. “Not really.”

“Rude.” Jordan pouts, then laughs, “I’m kidding.”

Ellis rolls his eyes. “I don’t want to hurt him, Jordan.”

“Good. You can start by cutting the bullshit.”

Ellis frowns. “What bullshit?”

“About not being sure if you’re attracted to him and that being the reason why you’re hiding instead of talking to him like a fucking adult.”

“I…I’m not—”