Page 32 of Should Our Hearts Catch Fire
Working in marketing pays well, but no one can predict what might happen down the road. Erika might struggle when she’s on maternity leave, or some other issue will pop up. She’s beautiful and will have no problem finding a guy, but that doesn’t mean the person would be willing to take care of someone else’s kid.
It might not be Ellis’ baby, but just by knowing about it he feels kind of responsible. If he can do something to ensure it has a good life, materialistically at least, he will do it. No kid shouldgrow up with only one parent, but if they have to, they should be taken care of.
“I don’t need your money or your help,” she bites out after a long moment of silence. “I don’t need anything from you. Don’t call me again.” She hangs up.
Well, then. That’s one more thing sorted.
Waking up the following morning, Ellis feels more miserable than usual, and that’s saying something. Yesterday’s events, starting with the bizarre lunch with Cal, to getting an earful from Erika, have opened a can of worms he’d hoped to keep shut forever.
His life in Sydney never felt particularly fulfilling, but it washis.Even though he couldn’t run away from his past in a spiritual sense, the physical distance sure helped. Now he doesn’t even have that. Coming back to the Coast has awakened feelings he’s spent years and years building walls around. He can feel it; this void spreading through him like cancer. He has no doubt it will completely consume him one day, probably sooner rather than later.
It’s not like he never tried to fill the void. It’s just that everything he’s ever tried only made him feel emptier, pushed him further from what he wanted. Not that he knows what that is. There might have been a time when he did, when he was looking for...something. Whatever it was, it’s long forgotten. Most days, he doesn’t even know who he is, who hetrulyisunder the suit and glamor. For all he knows, there’s no one else andthisis who he is.
Erika was right about him. He’s a miserable dick with a mountain’s worth of daddy and mummy issues, and he’ll always be alone, just as he deserves. It’s for the best. Why should he barge into someone else’s life and ruin it, like he always does?
Exercise. That’s what he needs to clear his head.
He brushes his teeth and throws on a baggy t-shirt and his favorite track pants. As displeased as he was to leave his apartment in Sydney, he has to give this much to his new one: the building has a fantastic gym. It’s not just treadmills and rowing machines, but a variety of free weights, and even bars and plates. He saves so much time when he doesn’t have to travel to a public gym, not to mention he hates working out with so many people around.
He heads to the kitchen to refill his water bottle, making a mental note to keep an eye on his fluid intake. They’re coming into the summer now, and he almost forgot how hot Queensland gets during that time. At least he lives in the Southeast and not somewhere up North, like Townsville. His soul would probably evaporate in the heat.
Running the tap, his eyes steer involuntarily to the empty coffee cup with theLost and Groundlogo in the corner. His cheeks burn even though there’s no one around. He still doesn’t know what compelled him to bring the cup home with him, he just remembers how everything inside him rebelled when he went to throw it away. It reminded him of the time his dad made him get rid of his favorite toy—a dinosaur plushie—when he turned ten, because he was‘too old for toys’. Sneaking an empty,dirty paper cup into his apartment definitely made him feel like a child. How embarrassing.
It’s just that whenever he reads the message Gabriel put on the cup, the storm constantly raging inside him just...settles. Not for long, not completely, but enough that he can breathe without feeling like there’s a hand around his windpipe that just keeps squeezing.
He has no illusions about being special, Gabriel likely writes random messages for people all the time. But when reading the four words, no matter how incorrect they are, he can’t help but feel like Gabriel meant them specifically for him.
You deserve good things.
He really doesn’t. And if Gabriel knew him, he’d agree. Still, the possibility that Gabriel, despite their brief interaction, might actually believe Ellis is worth more than chewing gum stuck to someone’s shoe makes him want to be that person. Someone who truly deserves good things.
It’s not going to happen. But a guy can dream.
Worthy or not, Ellis ends up atLost and Groundagain. He tried to stay away, he really did, but to no avail. He’s like a freaking kid who knows he’s not supposed to touch a hot stove but is unable to help himself. There’s something about the place that keeps drawing him in, making him believe that the potential burn might be worth it.
Are you sure you’re still talking about the café?
He shakes his head to dismiss the inconvenient thought and gets out of his car. This time, he doesn’t park in front of the café but at a parking lot down the street. For some inexplicable reason, he doesn’t feel good about ignoring the ‘no standing’ sign. He never cared before, so what the hell?
He takes a moment to check his reflection in the side-view mirror. His morning has been rushed because he managed to lose track of time while at the gym, getting too much into his head. He’d only had time to take a quick shower and had to forgo breakfast. He’s even forgotten his tie, but thankfully keeps a bunch of spare clothes at work for emergencies.
His hair, on the other hand, is a proper mess. He hasn’t gone a day without pomade since his hair had started doing that weird curly thing in his early twenties. It’s a necessity, one of those things he’d take with him on a deserted island. His hair has a mind of its own, sticking in all directions and curling slightly whenever there’s a hint of humidity in the air. Just another reason why he hates this place. He uselessly runs a hand through the unsalvageable mop, before making a beeline for the café.
Similarly to his first visit, the place is buzzing with people. The queue isn’t as long as before, but it still makes him look at his watch to make sure he has enough time. He makes a mental note to start coming here a little earlier.
Already planning on becoming a regular, huh?
Gritting his teeth at the annoying voice in his head, he shuffles forward when the line moves, giving him a better view of the counter and the person behind it. A feeling of déjà-vu washes over him.
Gabriel, in his usual fashion, is smiling broadly at the woman he’s serving. She must’ve said something funny because Gabriel laughs, his head thrown back. Good mood is oozing off him, so potent the air in the café is practically saturated with it.
Ellis finds himself staring stupidly at Gabriel, like he couldn’t look away if he tried. He’s met a few people who could quite literally light up the room, where you could feel the entire atmosphere change the second they walked in.
But Gabriel...he’s like the freaking sun, the warmth radiating from him drawing everyone in. To Ellis’ chagrin, he’s no exception; wanting to get closer though he knows he shouldn’t. He’s the exact opposite, carrying certain darkness with him wherever he goes. Maybe that’s why he feels so drawn to the café. It’s as though the darkness starts to dissipate when he’s here, like it can’t withstand being close to Gabriel’s light.
He wonders if Gabriel has mind-reading skills, if he can hear Ellis’ thoughts, because he suddenly stills, a pen in one hand and a cup in the other. He lifts his head, a frown furrowing the space between his brows, and his gaze zeros directly in on Ellis.
Ellis’ breath catches, no air flowing into his lungs as he waits to see Gabriel’s reaction. His heart leaps into his throat when Gabriel’s frown vanishes and his lips pull into the broadest smile Ellis has seen on him so far.