Page 137 of Should Our Hearts Catch Fire

For the first time since he’s stepped into the apartment, Cal smiles. “I remember you too.”

There’s an intense burning in Ellis’ eyes. He turns his back to Cal, taking another much needed gulp from the bottle.

“Then you know that my brother and I never saw eye to eye.”

“No, you didn’t. But it’s never that easy, is it?”

Ellis turns back with a confused frown.

Sighing, Cal stands up, taking a couple steps closer to him. “Back when I was…” His face contorts in a grimace. “Before Dawson,” he settles on. “I’d spent a long time amongst humanity. Your kind is very confusing. A walking, talking contradiction. I’ve always found it fascinating, and very tragic, that you can hate somebody but love them at the same time.” He cocks his head inquiringly, blue eyes boring into Ellis’. “Family is a complicated thing, isn’t it?”

Ellis swallows heavily, once again presenting Cal with his back. The implication of Cal’s words rings loud and deafening in his ears.

He’s always wondered. Ever since they were kids, he’s wondered if it was just him. If he was the only one who, despite their differences and all the bad blood, loved his brother more than anyone else in the world. Cal could hurt him, walk all over him, do his absolute worst, and Ellis would still come back running if his brother needed it. Ellis hated him for it, for reducing him to such a pathetic mess.

Unfortunately, he also loved him twice as much.

He thought that if he knew Cal felt the same way towards him, it would make things easier.

He was wrong.

“Why haven’t you told Dawson yet?” he asks to turn attention to something else that isn’t his trainwreck of a life. “Don’t you think he’d like to know?”

A flash of fear passes over Cal’s face. “I’m not sure. I think…finding out I have the memories of the person who made his life hell could make him feel unsafe around me. I can’t go through that again.”

Right. Because Cal—the real Cal—was, on top of his qualities, an abusive bastard who terrorized his husband for the better part of their marriage. And Ellis had no fucking idea.

“He fell in love with you even though he thought you’re…him,” he offers a half-baked consolation. He’s not exactly in a supportive mood.

Cal offers him a grateful smile all the same. “That was when I didn’t remember anything. After all, memories are what makes us. Maybe knowing that I have Caledon’s memories might make him afraid that—”

“You will start acting like him.”

“I won’t.” Cal’s eyes flash with determination. “As I said, the memories aren’t as clear and sharp as mine. They’re not as embedded. It’s kind of like watching a movie, but more intense.”

Ellis won’t even try to imagine. “Some movie that must be.”

A short laugh escapes Cal’s lips. “Indeed.” He shifts on his feet, casting the apartment a helpless glance before taking several steps towards Ellis. “I’ll take my leave. I just wantedto tell you that losing Caledon doesn’t mean you don’t have a family.Weare your family, if you’ll have us. And I am your brother, if you’ll have me.” After some hesitation where his hands twitch indecisively at his sides, his arms come around Ellis in a loose hug.

Ellis accepts it passively, his body stiff as a board and the hand around the whiskey bottle squeezing so tight it’s at risk of breaking.

It’s a huge relief, accompanied by a strong sense of loss, when Cal finally leaves. The apartment falls into overwhelming silence, threatening to crush him.

Ellis locates his phone, sliding into the texts with Gabriel before he can chicken out.

The ignored texts force the tears he’s been holding at bay to spill over.

Ellis:Home.

Gabriel:Thank you.

Gabriel:Whatever you do, please be safe.

Gabriel:I know you don’t want to talk or see anybody (sorry for bombarding you with these, I’m just really worried) but if you need anything, I’m just a text/call away.

Gabriel:You’re not alone, Ellis, no matter what it looks like.

You’re not alone. You’re not alone.