Page 51 of Should Our Hearts Catch Fire

“They probably don’t help either. Seriously, Cal.” He fixes him with a stern look. “You don’t want to kick the bucket at fifty-eight like our old man.”

Cal cocks his head. “What old man?”

Ellis takes a very slow, very deep breath. “Our dad, Cal.”

“Oh.” Cal’s brows furrow contemplatively. “I don’t think fifty-eight is old.”

“For fuck’s sake…” Ellis has no choice. He’s either going to hug Cal, or strangle him. He goes with the former, mindful not to hurt him. “You’re fucking ridiculous sometimes.” At least like this Cal can’t see the smile that’s threatening to take over Ellis’ face.

“Sorry?” Cal croaks, hugging him back awkwardly.

Ellis tightens his arms around him for a second and lets go. “I’m glad you’re okay,” he mumbles, covering it up with a cough. “I’ll head out. Pretty sure Dawson is pacing the hallway waiting for me to get out.”

“That’s not true. Dawson likes you,” Cal tells him. So. Damn. Earnest.

“That’s not what—” He huffs, shaking his head. “Anyway. I should go.”

Cal nods, looking a little bummed. “Thank you. For coming.”

Standing up, Ellis gives his shoulder a very manly pat. “Stay away from the hospital.”

“I’ll try my best.”

Ellis means to go see Gabriel the next morning. He really does. Sets up his alarm to wake him up early and all.

He never makes it to the café, staying in bed for half an hour, doubt and fear creeping in like a thief.

Gabriel is…not unlike Cal, Ellis realizes. Both of them are open and honest, innocent but also kind of insane, and see the bright side to everything.

And Ellis is…the exact opposite. Which is probably why he feels such an intense pull towards Gabriel, who’s the light to his darkness. He’s open where Ellis is reserved, warm where Ellis is cold.

Maybe opposites do attract, but that doesn’t mean they should exist side by side. And just because Gabriel might see something good in him doesn’t mean he should deal with the bad.

Ellis’ life is too much of a mess.Heis too much of a mess, and while he suspects Gabriel would confidently take on any baggage Ellis might drag in with him, he shouldn’t have to. Ellis doesn’t want him to. As much as a part of him is dying to have someone like Gabriel in his life, bringing some color to his gray existence, it wouldn’t be fair. Sooner or later, Gabriel would be miserable, and he’d come to resent Ellis.

Everyone does, eventually.

He sighs. Time to find a new decent café.

By the time Friday rolls around, Ellis is ready to resign. Change his name. Flee the country. Anything. He just needs a goddamn break. And sleep. So much sleep. And food.

His stomach is growling so loud he swears it echoes through the lobby as he heads towards his office. Thank fuck it’s lunchtime.

“Someone is waiting for you in your office,” Amanda announces by-the-way when he passes her desk.

He whirls around. “You let them in?”

“Relax,” she says like he’s the one being unreasonable. “Go on. I guarantee you won’t mind.”

Fat fucking chance. “Who is it?”

Infuriatingly, she just smiles and coaxes him to go on.

Ellis stomps to his office and throws the door open, a biting remark on the tip of his tongue.

“Jordan?” His mouth might be hanging open a little.

Jordan swivels in Ellis’ chair, grinning wildly. “About time. I was getting bored.”