Page 119 of Should Our Hearts Catch Fire

Gabriel pulls on a loose thread on his shirt and mumbles, so low Ellis can barely make it out, “I kinda turned up on his doorstep.”

“What?” Why is he surprised? Of course Gabriel would choose getting on a plane and flying over to some bumfuck town in New Zealand instead picking up the phone.

“I had something to say that I didn’t want to do over the phone.”

Okay. Fair enough. “What did you say?”

Gabriel’s eyes become glassy. “That I forgive him.”

“You forgive him,” Ellis echoes, voice dripping with skepticism. He doesn’t mean to be an asshole, he just doesn’t understand how Gabriel could’ve found forgiveness without ever talking to his dad in the first place

To his relief, Gabriel doesn’t look upset by Ellis’ reaction.

“Contrary to the popular belief, I don’t think forgiveness is for the person you’re forgiving,” he begins to explain. “It’s for you. It’s you, cutting yourself free from whatever’s been keeping you stuck in the past. And you can’t just decide to forgive. It needs to happen on its own, when you’re ready.”

“If it’s for you, why did you feel like you needed to tell him?”

“From what Mum told me, I knew it broke his heart to leave. That he probably spent all these years drowning in self-hate and guilt. And I thought, if he’s anything like me, hearing the words from me might finally give him peace.”

“Did it?”

“I think so, yes,” he says quietly. He strokes Ellis’ fingers and forearm, as if he needs the contact to ground himself while getting swept up in the memories. “He was nice. Nothing like I imagined.”

“Did you talk?”

“Not much. He did invite me in, though. Made tea.” Ellis smiles, knowing Gabriel never drinks tea unless it’s peppermint and he’s sick. “He asked about me a little. I told him about the café and how I use my gift to help people. He seemed pretty relieved that I’m doing okay.”

“That’s good.” Not that it means much. The guy still left his kid behind.

“I thought of leaving him my number if he ever wanted to get in touch.”

“But you didn’t,” Ellis takes a guess.

“I didn’t want to put that pressure on him. And frankly, I had no idea how to include him in my life if he was up to it anyway.”

“Yeah, I get that.” He studies Gabriel’s face, getting a feeling there’s more. “What is it?”

Gabriel squirms. “Since I visited him, I’ve been getting cards on my birthday.”

“You think…”

“Yeah. They have a stamp from New Zealand, and the card never says anything other thanHappy Birthday, handwritten. No signature either. And they always arrive at the café—which I told him about.” He gives a watery laugh. “It’s so stupid, but I always look forward to them.”

Ellis wraps an arm around his waist, stroking his lower back. “It’s not stupid.”

Gabriel looks up at him, his gaze vulnerable. “It’s not?”

“No.” He kisses Gabriel’s forehead. “It’s not.”

Gabriel makes a soft sound, like a whimper but not quite, and cranes his neck so he can catch Ellis’ lips. The kiss is innocent, a plea for comfort, but there’s a need behind it that makes Ellis’ blood run hot, despite the topic of conversation being the furthest thing from arousing.

The kiss ends as quickly as it started, leaving him a little cold, but not for long. Gabriel snuggles into him, hiking his leg over Ellis’ hip. Ellis holds him tight, continues caressing his back.

“Are you okay?” Gabriel doesn’t feel upset, but there’s something going on with him that makes Ellis a bit panicked.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.” It’s a relief when Gabriel lifts his head, and his cheeks are dry. He’s even smiling again. “It’s just…you’re the first person I’ve told about this. I didn’t realize how good it would feel.”

Ellis secretly preens. He’s normally not the go-to person when someone needs comfort, or to get stuff off their chest. “I’m glad.”