Page 39

Micki

My quick nod is enough of an answer for Mathéo, and his lips are on mine. How could I’ve seriously tried to convince myself that I could give this up, give him up? His kiss is tender and gentle—like he’s kissing me for the very first time.

It’s not about sex for him now, it’s about us, it’s about closeness. Holding on and being held. Safety and trust.

“Um, guys...” élias clears his throat behind me and Mathéo looks up. He gives me another quick kiss on the cheek, then walks up to élias, enveloping him in a big hug. Not the bro-hug kind, but the real deal. At first, élias seems somewhere between surprised and shocked, but he quickly catches himself and returns the hug. I can’t hear what they’re saying. All I see is Mathéo shaking his head, then breaking away. He walks purposefully back to me, first picking up his bag and then putting his arm around my shoulder. “Let’s go to sleep. I’m beat.”

***

The next morning I’m woken up in the best possible way. Shit, I’ve missed him. His scratchy cheek nuzzling into my neck and his flat hand pressing on my stomach. His thumb gently strokes my bare skin and I take a deep breath to hold back the tears welling up inside me. He’s here, with me, after a hell of a drive on the highway, because of me, for me.

I turn carefully in Mathéo’s arms and press my forehead against his chest. “I’m sorry, Schnuck. So sorry. I’m sorry for doubting I was your number one. I was so sure you’d choose your parents.”

“Shh, mon chou, shh. You’re not my number one. You are my one and only. I’m sorry I didn’t show you enough. I thought I’d lost you after what my father said, that you didn’t answer your phone because...” Mathéo’s voice falters, choked with tears. “Because you think I’m an asshole like him. I love you with everything I am and everything I have. If I left you, I would’ve been leaving the only person who has ever made me happy.”

“I love you too, that’s why I didn’t answer my phone. I didn’t want to hear that it was over. If anyone is the asshole here, it’s me for letting you down like that. Can you forgive me?”

I press my cheek against Mathéo’s chest; his breathing is steady and his heartbeat is calm. “It’s already forgiven. But don’t ever do that to me again. Promise me. I don’t want to lose you.” He holds me tighter than anyone before him and I sink into his arms, letting myself fall.

***

“Should we go back?”

We’re sitting on the beach. I gently shake my head and snuggle a little deeper into Mathéo’s lap and into his arms. It’s started to rain. Not heavy, just a light summer sprinkle. The sky is full of dark clouds, but the air is still warm.

“I like rain.”

Mathéo leans back with a questioning look that makes me laugh. “Seriously?”

“Not when it’s pouring down, but I’ve always loved a light drizzle.”

“Why?”

“I’ll tell you, but you’re not allowed to laugh at me.” Mathéo quickly shakes his head, and I believe him. “As a child, I always wanted freckles and when it rained, I’d run outside and hold my face in the rain, imagining that every raindrop would turn into a freckle.”

“Why?” His voice is light and free and suddenly I’m no longer embarrassed by the story.

“I always thought freckles were so cute, but no matter how much I held my nose in the sun, they just wouldn’t appear. Not like yours.” I run my index finger over Mathéo’s beautiful straight nose and over his cheeks, which have become populated with little brown spots in the few days we’ve been here.

Not as many as Philipp, more like a subtle shimmer on his skin that forces everyone to look at him for three seconds longer because you wonder what it is that’s there.

“I always hated my freckles. I used so much sunscreen, but it never helped.” Stunned and wide-eyed, I stare at my boyfriend, who lowers his head in embarrassment and shrugs his shoulders. “My father always said freckles are only for little girls.”

I furrow my brow with a grin. “Huh, that is so weird. I can’t remember ever finding a girl cute, but your freckles do things to me... phew!” I fan myself dramatically and Mathéo laughs.

“You think I’m cute?”

“Among other things.”

“My father says a man isn’t cute.”

I raise my eyes defiantly. “Your father is an asshole and fuck what he says, he’s not right. Ever.”

Mathéo lets his damp forehead fall against mine almost a little too energetically, sighing heavily. “I tried to please my father for so long that at some point I no longer knew who I was and who was just the role I was trying to fill for my father.”

“And do you know who you are now?” I look up at my boyfriend as the raindrops roll into my eyes and down my nose. We’re both soaked by now, our T-shirts sticking to our bodies, but neither of us is really bothered by it.

“I am the man who loves you more than anything. Who will cherish you for the rest of his life and I wouldn’t want to be anyone else.” Ah, fuck, could he be any more perfect? Tears mix with the rain as I grab Mathéo by the back of the neck and pull him in for a long kiss. “Wait a minute, I have something to tell you.”

My eyes immediately search his. Something good or something bad? I look for the answer in Mathéo’s baby blues, but I can’t find anything.

“Um, yeah, okay.” I play nervously with my curls.

“My father fired me.”

“He what?” A disbelieving laugh gives my question a lightness I don’t really feel.

“You heard me right. And I have to be out of my penthouse in three weeks’ time.” At least his father is thorough, I’ll give him that.

“Uhm, and what does that mean for you?”

Mathéo bites his lower lip nervously. “If you’re not ready for this, tell me, that’s okay. But I thought... I... I actually had everything wrapped up before we went to Rennes. I applied for a new job in Strasbourg.” My eyes shoot up. He’s serious, isn’t he? “And, uh, I got it. I start on September 15th, and I thought... I thought maybe we could...”

Being a stuttering mess isn’t like him at all. He’s so insecure in this moment and I don’t understand why. He’s turning his whole life upside down for me. Is there any greater proof of how serious he is about me?

“Do you want to move in with me? At least for now and we’ll find something bigger together in time.”

In one fell swoop, all the tension is gone from his body. We fall backwards onto the damp sand. In a swift movement, Mathéo rolls onto me and presses his lips to mine. “Is that what you want? Really?” The uncertainty in his eyes almost hurts.

“I can’t wait.” I’ve barely answered before Mathéo lips are on mine again. So tempestuous, so wild, so free. His stiff cock presses hard against mine, our tongues wrestling for dominance and his fingers conquer every inch of my body as if he didn’t already own everything.

Suddenly Mathéo jumps on his feet and pulls me up with him. “I want you, now. Come with me!”

Who I am to say no. I stumble after him as he pulls us towards the campsite in the now pouring rain. Mathéo walks purposefully past caravans and tents to a hidden side door in the bathhouse. “What’s that?”

“A family bathroom, but no one showers in this weather anyway. At least, no one except us.”

The shower is running in no time, hot steam envelops us and only now do I realize how cold I actually am.

Mathéo makes short work of our clothes, then presses me against the tile wall with his whole body. The hot water warms me from the outside and my unbridled desire for this sexy man lights a fire inside me. I hear Mathéo tear open a foil and think it’s a condom as he turns me around and pulls my hips towards him.

I’m not a beginner, I can take Mathéo without foreplay if he goes slowly. Without lube could be painful though.

“Ahh, yes!” I don’t finish the thought because a wet finger touches my hole and penetrates deep inside me without any further play. A second one follows immediately, and I love how Mathéo knows exactly how to take me.

He leans forward, his mouth very close to my ear. “I’m tested, I’m okay, would you be okay without a condom?”

Oh. “Fuck, yes. I’m okay, too. Now.” I sense his reluctance. “Please. Make it really wet and slow. I want to feel you.”

Mathéo takes a step back and I hear a crackle again, my head and chest still leaning against the tiles. Untamed lust runs through my body like a wildfire as his cock pushes against me and I let myself fall. Opening myself wide, receiving him, taking him inside me, inch by wonderful inch. I adjust to his girth, feel the pull of the stretch and enjoy the slight sting. Fuck, he fills me up so well.

It’s quiet behind me, if I didn’t feel Mathéo’s faltering breath on the back of my neck and if it weren’t for the almost soundless whimpering very close to my ear, I’d be worried.

Mathéo is long and I can already feel him deep, but when he takes the last two inches in one powerful thrust, I scream out, lost in the sensational feeling of being impaled by him.

“Shit, did I hurt you?” The worry in his tortured voice makes me weak. I belong to him, all of me belongs to him, he can take me however he wants, and I won’t refuse him anything.

“No, so good. Go on. Please.” To prove I mean it, I push my hips against his until our balls touch.

“Give me a second. Ah, damn it! Don’t move or this will be over in five seconds...” Mathéo’s right hand grips my cock and that’s good too. Very good, in fact. He works my length up and down in powerful strokes and with his first deep thrust I fall into a delirium of pleasure that I’ve never experienced before. As I come, I take Mathéo with me, my tight ass pulsing in rhythm with his cock as he drives hard and unrestrained into me.