Page 30

Mathéo

Why is it so hot? Why is everything with Micki so damn hot? A thousand times hotter than anything I’ve ever experienced before. I wonder if there’s a record stuck in my head that keeps playing the same question over and over again. And I know I don’t need an answer, that it doesn’t fucking matter, but the curious little kid inside me wants to understand why I suddenly can’t control myself, why my hips are pushing forward faster and faster all by themselves, rubbing my cock against Micki’s.

My fingers press between the arches of his ribs, each one standing out so attractively under his skin. Micki grips a little tighter, his hand movements become faster; his eyes closed and his dark curls bouncing with every movement. If my father saw me like this, he’d freak out.

I don’t even want to imagine what he’d have to say if he saw me standing naked in the shower with a man. But that’s not just any man. This is my man. The person I can let myself go with, who I can be myself with. Let me be happy, Papa, please. Don’t take this away from me, please let me have it.

Micki comes first. I can feel his cock pulsing next to mine, his cum dripping down my chest and coating our dicks. His voice is even raspier than usual as he whispers my name, stunned and disbelieving that this just happened.

Still completely delirious, he drops his head onto my shoulder and bites into my collarbone. A sharp pain runs through my body and is replaced in the same second by a flood of endorphins rushing through my bloodstream, unstoppable and powerful. My cock twitches and squirts, and it feels like it wouldn’t ever stop.

“Oh, fuck!” Micki’s scream snaps me back to reality. “I have to be at work in half an hour. Damn it!”

“Go on, get dressed, I’ll make you a quick breakfast for the way.” Micki looks at me as if I’ve grown two heads and stands rooted to the spot. “Come on, I don’t want to be blamed if your patients have to wait.”

Micki quickly presses a kiss to my lips and scurries naked into the bedroom. Ten minutes later, I hand him a thermos cup with coffee and a small bag with a sandwich, some fruit and vegetables.

Micki likes a hearty breakfast, so I opted for ham and cheese. I also threw in half an avocado, which was still in the fridge, topping the cheese in thin slices seasoned with herb salt.

“Wow, what did I do to deserve this? That looks fantastic!” Micki inspects the bag with shining eyes and pulls out a piece of bell pepper.

“Only the best for you. See you later.”

“See you later!” And after a long kiss, too long considering the time, the door slams shut behind him.

***

“Where the hell are you?” My father. Just what I need right now.

“Home office.”

“There is no home office in my company. I’ll be expecting you in my office in thirty minutes.” Fuuuck ...

“You’re in Dijon?”

“Of course I’m in Dijon! You obviously can’t be left alone.” My father rages on the other end of the line. In his typical snide tone, he lets me know on how many levels I have failed him and how deeply I have disappointed him blah blah blah. Once again.

I don’t want to hear it anymore. I know that I’m useless in his eyes, even if the numbers say otherwise. But it’s not about numbers now. It’s just about the fact that I don’t obey the way he wants me to.

“Thirty minutes!”

“I’m not in Dijon. But I’ve discussed everything with Patrice, and I can obviously be reached by phone if there are any urgent questions.” Patrice is my right-hand man in the company and, like me, is involved in all ongoing processes.

“And where the hell are you?”

“At a friend’s, he wasn’t feeling well.” The lie slips off my lips and is heavy on my stomach. Micki is so much more than that, but I can’t tell my father that. Not yet. The day will come, but I know what will happen and I need to be prepared.

“No friend is worth neglecting the company. The company is top priority!” I don’t reply, which is answer enough for my father. No one contradicts my father. Not without consequences. “What did I do wrong in your upbringing? What? My only son, a wimp!”

It’s even worse, your only son is fucking a man. Okay, admittedly, we’re not quite there yet, but I want that. Your only son loves a man. It’s true, and even if I can’t say it to my father yet, I can admit it to myself and it feels good. A warm feeling gathers in my stomach and radiates from there to every corner of my body. My father’s shouting is nothing more than a murmur in the background.

***

Micki and I fall into a natural rhythm together. Phone calls and missing each other during the week until I get in the car after work on Fridays and we spend the weekend together. I drive back early on Monday mornings. We never discussed what happens next, I just keep coming back and he keeps opening the door for me.

It’s been quite cold and wet so far, so we’ve spent a lot of time together on the sofa or in bed, but today is the first really nice day in a long time. Spring is finally here.

After a long shower with a happy ending for both of us, we lie snuggled up under woolen blankets on Micki’s sofa. I still feel like I’m walking on air. My fingers draw circles on his bare skin and his play with the little curls on my chest and stomach. We don’t talk, we just enjoy the silence together, and I’ve never been more at peace with myself then when I’m with him.

I gently push my nose into Micki’s wild curls and inhale deeply. “You smell so good.”

“Thank you, so do you considering we both used the same shower gel.” A laugh bubbles up inside me, because yes, he’s right, but that’s not what I meant, and he knows it.

In the last few weeks we’ve added blowjobs to our repertoire, one sided blowjobs because Micki won’t let me do it yet. I think he’s still afraid that I’ll get to the point where I realize I don’t want this after all. And his cock in my mouth seems particularly suitable for coming to this realization. Complete nonsense, but obviously I’m not the only one who needs time in this relationship.

“What are we doing today?” Sunrays are peeking through Micki’s curtains, drawing me out of the house. The winter has been long and dark enough.

“I have a gig tonight, but we still have a little time before we have to leave.”

“We?” Of course I’m coming, but Micki hasn’t told me about this gig before and it’s so much fun to tease him.

His eyes widen, he turns to me as he sits up, opening his mouth to say something, only to close it again immediately. When his eyes fall to the floor and his shoulders slump, I know that was too much. “You were at my gig in Freiburg and élias and Adrien are coming too... I should have asked you, I’m sorry. If this is going too fast for you, that’s okay. Seriously. If you’re not comfortable in public yet...”

Oh my God, what a mess I’ve made. An insecure bundle of nerves is sitting in front of me and it’s my fault. “Come here.” Micki hesitantly lets himself fall into my arms. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to tease you a little. I didn’t realize how insecure it would make you. Hey, our first kiss was in a club in the middle of the dance floor. I have no problem with other people seeing us.”

I lean back carefully to take Micki’s cheeks in my hands. I want him to see me when I say what I want to say. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I’ve never had a tingle in my belly or had my heart beat faster when I’ve touched someone. But when I see you, fireworks explode inside my chest. Just you standing close to me is enough to make me want to touch you. I don’t want to hide, I don’t want to hide you, I don’t want to hide us. It would be absolutely impossible.”

Two big brown eyes look up at me, so deep, so soft, with such long lashes. So beautiful. If I could only see one thing for the rest of my life I would choose Micki’s eyes, without hesitation. His lower lip trembles and I can see the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

“Are you serious? But I ...” Unsure, Micki lowers his head and lets his gaze slide over his slender, naked upper body.

“You are perfect. I love your body as it is. There is nothing that I miss.”

I gently let my thumb circle his nipple and Micki’s eyelids flutter shut with a soft moan. I pull his hips close to mine and feel his pants filling out slowly. He reacts so quickly, but with him I’m no different. Just the feeling of his hard cock against mine wakes up every single cell in my body.

We’re not going outside anymore. We lose ourselves in gentle kisses and feather-light touches, closeness, trust and intimacy. Neither of us goes any further, we both enjoy this deep feeling of security and contentedness too much.

We both startle when Micki’s phone rings. His plan to just let it go to voice mail doesn’t work when, just a minute later, my watch vibrates and élias’s number appears on the display with a text message.

“Just a heads up, Philipp got it into his head that we need to do something together, the six of us and Nika agreed grudgingly. Put some clothes on, we’ll ring in three, two...” The doorbell rings.

With a grumpy groan, Micki lowers his head onto my chest. “Fuuuck, why?”

My light slap on his bottom, which was intended as motivation to get up, has the opposite effect. Micki’s eyes flash and he presses his still hard cock into mine. “Do that again and the door will definitely stay shut, no matter who’s standing in front of it.”

“My slapping your ass makes you hot?”

“Everything ass related makes me hot.” For a brief moment he looks me in the eye, as if processing his words, then he jumps up and with long elegant strides he floats to the door. He’s sexy, so sexy in those track pants that hang so low on his hips that you can see his two dimples on his sacrum. Micki’s left hand tousles through his curls once more then he opens the door with his right while I’m lost in thought.

I’m a coward, I haven’t dared touching his ass yet, at least not really. I just can’t imagine for the life of me that it feels good, even if the men in my books are so into it. I... I tried it myself once... but it was just unpleasant.

I’m sure I’ve done something wrong, but I don’t want to hurt Micki, so I’m still avoiding his ass. The inside of it at least.

I’m aware that he’s a bottom and I’m sure he knows exactly what to do to make it feel good, so that shouldn’t be the problem. Does he want me to play with his ass properly?

I don’t have time to think about it any further, because at the same moment a beaming Philipp strolls into the apartment, closely followed by a grim-looking Nika. élias and Adrien trudge after them with apologetic looks.

“Surprise!” Philipp’s gaze falls on Micki’s bare chest, then on mine. “Ohhh, are we interrupting? We’re so very sorry, but you ...” He pokes Micki in the chest with a pointed index finger. “... are an elusive little shit. There’s no other way to get to see you.”

Micki laughs. “We see each other at least three times a week.”

“For practice, but afterwards, you always leave immediately.” I slowly stand up and walk towards the group. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many tall men in one place. Nika looks like a little girl next to them and she’s definitely not. But even Micki has four inches on her and none of the rest of us are under 6’3”.

Philipp’s eyes fall on me, but Micki doesn’t turn around. “That’s probably my fault,” I say as my hand finds a place on Micki’s stomach. I rest my chin on his shoulder, and he immediately leans in. The fluttering in my stomach picks up again, as it always does when he soaks up my touches like this.

Behind me, Nika snorts audibly, breathing in to say something, but Philipp’s stern look and a few German words shut her up. I don’t want to be responsible for Micki losing his best friends, even if I am annoyed at her making Micki doubt me. Doubt us. So I know I need to make it right, regardless of how I feel. With a gentle kiss to Micki’s temple, I let him go and turn to Nika. “I’m sorry for how I behaved in the past. I was a first-class asshole, I didn’t know better.”

She looks at me with her arms crossed in front of her chest and her eyebrows raised. Challenging and unyielding. Unapproachable. All the things I found so incredibly sexy about her back then. She doesn’t do anything to me anymore. “I wanted you so badly and I... Oh God, this is going to sound arrogant, but I wasn’t used to being rejected or losing women to another man like...” Fuck, I was so stupid.

“To someone like me, you can say it. Trust me, I’ve been wondering for over a year how this could have happened.” élias says wryly. He has hardly changed. He wears his shoulder-length curls in a small ponytail at the nape of his neck and he has new glasses. What was once fluff is now a thick, short beard. He is still tall and slender and, at first glance, unassuming and plain.

“Back then, I thought appearance was all that mattered. Today, I know better.”

élias takes three steps to stand behind his wife. He gently places his arms over her shoulders, his chin on Nika’s temple. Her reaction is so fleeting that I almost miss it, but for a millisecond she closes her eyes and lets herself fall. Then her unyielding gaze pierces me again.

“Is that so? What do you mean by that? Isn’t Micki the most beautiful person in the world for you? If not, why are you with him? He’s a man. What do you see in him? Explain it to me.”

I hear Micki behind me. A quiet sob, then he pushes past us towards the bedroom, the knuckles of his right hand pressed to his mouth, his eyes filled with tears. I want to go after him, but Philipp stops me as he turns to his best friend. “Nika? What the fuck? You two need to sort this out, once and for all.” He says pointedly.

Nika whirls back on me. “I won’t let you hurt him the way you hurt everyone else. Micki really likes you and I won’t let you rip his heart out and step on it just because you find someone else you’d rather fuck in two weeks. Scratch that, someone you want to fuck at all.”

“Nika!” élias’s voice is stern, I’ve never heard him like this before. “That’s enough.”

“How can you defend him? He’s made your life a living hell!” I did, there’s no arguing about that. It’s just that no one has dared to say it to my face yet. “Micki is one of my best friends...”

“I know, but you hurt him too.”

“I didn’t mean to… shit, I…” Nika’s voice is small all of a sudden.

“I know that, and I’m sure Micki knows too, but Micki seems happy. No one can predict how a relationship will go, there’s never a guarantee. But that’s exactly why you have to enjoy every wonderful second you can get.” élias’s voice is firm and sure. How could I’ve missed what a great person he is?

I hear the creaking of the floorboards in the bedroom, but my gaze remains on Nika. “I have no intention of hurting Micki, and I have no intention of swapping him out for a woman at the next opportunity. Since Saint-émile, I’ve used you as the standard for all women, and none has even come close. Now you’re standing in front of me, and I feel nothing. Don’t get me wrong, you’re still a super attractive woman, but the idea of touching you does nothing to me. Whereas the thought of feeling Micki’s naked chest on mine drives me crazy. And the fact that we haven’t had penetrative sex yet isn’t because he doesn’t turn me on, quite the opposite. But I’m still getting to know his body and there’s still so much to discover. I don’t want a quickie with Micki, I ...”

My breath catches when I see a dark mop of curly hair in the doorway behind Nika. His eyes are red and swollen, his gaze questioning but firm.

“Mon chou...”

“Go on.” He has put some clothes on, his chest is no longer bare but covered with a thin aubergine-colored turtleneck sweater.

It never ceases to fascinate me how Micki’s appearance changes so fundamentally with just one item of clothing. When the pointed curves of his narrow shoulders are hidden, his top conjures up a waist and the shiny curls play around his high cheekbones, there are few who would doubt that a woman is standing in front of them. Just like I didn’t six months ago. The thought makes me smile and I let my eyes glide over Micki’s body as if they were my fingertips.

“Why are you smiling?” His voice trembles.

With three big steps, I close the distance between us and put my hand around his waist. “You are so sexy. I can’t believe I’m the one who gets to touch you.”

“You wanted to say something.” Yeah, I did. Fuck. Not consciously, it almost slipped out, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true. My heart beats a little harder than it already does.

“I’ve never said that to anyone before, so don’t hold it against me if it’s not as perfect as you imagined, okay?” Micki’s eyebrows draw together and his lower lip quivers. His arms are still protectively wrapped around his middle. I gently cup his face with both hands. Two deep brown eyes look at me through thick lashes. So beautiful. “ Je t’aime, Micki .” I love you.

The words leave my lips so easily and they feel right. So damn right. Nothing is wrong with me, Papa. Nothing. I love and it feels so good.

In one swoop, all the tension is gone from Micki’s body. Accompanied by a pathetic sob, his body collapses and falls against my chest. I barely catch hold of him before he slides to the floor and press him against me. I am no longer aware of my surroundings. Everything is shrouded in a thick black fog.

“Why?” It hurts that he has to ask this question at all.

“Why not?” Micki doesn’t look at me, he still hides his head in my chest.

“You’re not gay.”

“But maybe I’m not as straight as I always thought either.” I notice movement behind me and in the corner of my eye I see élias pressing the flat of his hand over his wife’s mouth, shaking his head as he leads her and everyone else out of the apartment.

“You’re not?” Micki lifts his head jerkily searching my gaze.

“No, mon chou. Clearly not.” I take advantage of the moment and give him a quick kiss on the lips.

“More.” Smiling, my lips find his again, this time a little longer.

“More.” This is my Micki. My friend, my partner, my love, and in this moment I silently promise to give him everything he needs to be happy.

I gently place my lips on his and immediately feel his tongue, trying to slip into my mouth very badly. His hands slide around my neck and with a little bounce he swings his long legs around my hips. I grab his tight little ass to hold him. His lips come closer and closer to my ear and then I hear him. “ Je t’aime aussi .” I love you too.