Page 21
Story: Raindrops
Micki
Mathéo’s shoulder is touching mine and my heart is pounding in my throat. He’s seeking closeness, I’ve noticed that all day. I just can’t tell whether he’s doing it on purpose or unconsciously. His gaze drops from my eyes to my lips, then he looks away, his own lips pressed together tightly.
“What do you want?”
Mathéo shakes his head vehemently. “I can’t...”
“What would you do now if a woman were standing in front of you right now?”
“I’d kiss her.” Yes, Mathéo, I know.
“Do you want to kiss me?” I’m afraid of his answer, afraid of his rejection.
“No... yes... I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore.” Mathéo’s blue eyes twitch nervously, as if he doesn’t know where to look.
“Close your eyes.”
“No... I can’t do that with you, I don’t know how to be with a man. I’m not gay.”
Ouch... but it’s okay, it’s all new to him. I think he’s accepted that he has feelings for a man. Because he has, there’s no question about that for me. Mathéo wants me, but his head isn’t ready yet. His head is still struggling with the fact that I have a cock.
“Do you trust me?” He nods hesitantly.
“Let’s dance.” Though the wide-eyed look in his eyes isn’t encouraging, I take his hand and pull him onto the dance floor. Then I take the bandana off my wrist, indicating that I’m going to blindfold him.
He is afraid, so I reassure him. “I’m only taking your hands, everything else happens on your call, or not. It’s up to you. Okay?” Wordlessly, he turns around and I take that as consent to fasten the bandana. Then I take his hands in mine and start moving to the music.
Given that he doesn’t dance regularly and can’t see anything, Mathéo keeps up surprisingly well. His movements are smooth, and his sense of rhythm is impressive. I haven’t danced so well with another man for a long time.
The music is fast for two more songs, and I let him take the lead, when a slow song comes on. I have no idea what’s going to happen next. Mathéo stills for a second, then he’s intertwining our hands. Slowly, he starts moving us to the music, far away and close together, push and pull, a twist here and there. Then he turns me with both hands so that my back is close to his chest, his arms encircling my upper body. It’s so intimate, so close. I’m holding my breath, waiting for him to turn me back around and break our touch, but he doesn’t. Instead, Mathéo’s hips start to sway and roll slowly, taking mine with him. His head rests on my shoulder, and I feel him inhale deeply and tighten his grip on me again.
When he releases his embrace to turn me around again, I am almost disappointed until I realize that he is putting my arms over his shoulders. Mathéo’s hands grip my hips and his head presses against my neck. I feel the tingling sensation of his irregular breathing and then his lips touching my skin, very gently, almost imperceptibly.
Tears well up in my eyes and I can’t stop them from slowly running down my cheeks. I don’t know what it means, but I’ve been longing for this exact touch for almost half a year.
I don’t dare move, afraid of startling Mathéo, and scaring him off.
“Can I see you? Please?” Mathéo’s voice is raspy and shaky. I don’t want to take the blindfold off, I’m too panicked that this little flame flickering between us will go out. But I can’t keep him like this forever.
“Lift your head.” My voice is barely audible, but Mathéo reacts immediately. I miss his closeness. As if by magic, my hand finds his cheek and he leans into my touch.
“Please, I want to see you.” We’re still standing chest to chest, and I reach around him to untie the bandana. My heart is beating up to my throat because this is the moment. I know Mathéo has feelings for me, and he knows it too, but can he switch off the voice in his head that keeps telling him how wrong it is to love me? A man. “My head is screaming no, but my heart and my body want to be with you, only you, and I’ve tried everything, but I can’t make this stop.”
His voice is no more than a whisper and I can hear him fighting back tears. “When I don’t see you, don’t see that you’re a man, I want to kiss you, touch you.”
That hurts, but I prefer him to be honest with me. It shows me that whatever happens between us, he doesn’t want to deal with it on his own.
“When I kiss you for the first time, I want to kiss YOU, not some twisted fantasy in my head. Micki, the man I’ve fallen for, not the woman my brain keeps trying to push to the forefront of my mind because it would be so much easier. That’s why I need to see you, okay?” I slap my hand in front of my mouth and my tears, which had just stopped, flow again, this time in torrents and a loud sob breaks out of me. It sounds a bit like a tortured animal, and I should be embarrassed, but I’m not.
We are still standing in the middle of the dance floor, the music loud and fast around us, but it feels like everything is running in slow motion.
“Fallen for?” I knew it, but hearing it is something else.
The light blue eyes look at me and Mathéo shrugs helplessly. “Like I said, I can’t help it, I’ve never felt anything like this before, for anyone. Only for you.”
His hands gently cup my face, and his eyes don’t break eye contact until his lips find mine.
Table of Contents
- Page 1
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- Page 3
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- Page 9
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- Page 13
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- Page 15
- Page 16
- Page 17
- Page 18
- Page 19
- Page 20
- Page 21 (Reading here)
- Page 22
- Page 23
- Page 24
- Page 25
- Page 26
- Page 27
- Page 28
- Page 29
- Page 30
- Page 31
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- Page 39
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- Page 46
- Page 47