Page 9 of Penance (Rising From the Ashes #2)

Theo

C ustody papers. That’s what was in the envelope Hayes handed me.

I knew they were coming; at least, I should have.

Josephine doesn’t like losing, and that’s exactly how she would have seen it when I got emergency custody of Tanner.

She doesn’t care about our son or his well-being.

She cares about her appearance, and to her, it made her look like a bad mother to lose custody.

Not that I would argue that. Neither one of us has been what Tanner needed, but the difference is—I’m trying to be better.

Josephine doesn’t want to. She’s selfish. It’s part of who she is.

My shift was only halfway over when Hayes showed up.

I spent the rest of the day in my office with the door shut.

I don’t do that often. I want my men to know they are welcome to come to me with anything, but I couldn’t handle it today.

I am already toeing the edge of sober and drunk.

One more push, and I’m afraid I’ll fall right over.

So I keep my head down until the end of my shift, grunting a gruff goodbye as I walk out the door.

Only, apparently, today is the day that will never end because on the way to my truck, I spy Hayes standing outside again, waiting for me as he leans against his car.

“Come to be a delivery boy again?” I ask, not bothering to hide my resentment. Logically, I know it isn’t his fault, but it’s hard not to blame the messenger when they are the only ones around.

“You know I didn’t want to do it, Theo. I care about Tanner, too. I was around to see the toll your ex-wife took on his mental health, but those papers were going to be delivered whether by my hand or someone else’s.”

I sigh, scrubbing my hand down my jaw, the scruff on it longer than it was this morning. “I know. It’s just been a long day.”

Hayes nods, and silence settles around us as I shove my hands in my pockets and stare out across the street. I don’t know why Hayes is here now. He did his job, but I don’t have the energy to ask him. So I stand there, waiting for him to get to the point.

“Look, I can help,” he says, reaching up and scratching the side of his neck.

“No.”

I start to walk away before he has a chance to stop me. Whatever this is, I’m not doing it with him, mainly because it sets my teeth on edge to be in his presence. He’s a blaring reminder of how much I’ve failed as a dad.

“I wasn’t really asking,” Hayes says, his deep voice carrying through the early summer breeze. “You may not consider us friends, but we both care about your kid. So get in the truck, Theo, because it seems to me that doing it on your own isn’t working so well for you.”

My steps slow until my feet are frozen to the pavement beneath me. My shoulders are tense, and each breath I take is loud inside my head.

I hate Hayes. I hate this situation, and most of all, I hate that he’s right.

I’d lost the last time I tried to win this battle alone.

Then, I spent a good portion of my life trying to drown that loss out with alcohol.

This is my chance to make things right—be there for my kid when he needs me—and if that means making nice with Hayes in the meantime, then I guess that’s what I will do.

My jaw is clenched as I slowly force my feet to move and turn around.

Hayes is already standing at his driver’s side door, smirking at me over the top of his car.

“Not a word, Miller.” I threaten him, and his smirk grows bigger.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Sylvis.” He says the words, but I don’t miss the humor in his voice as I open the door and get in his car.

Hayes slides in on his side, and within a minute, we are heading down the highway to wherever he is taking me.

“Do you know there’s a blood vessel in your temple that pops out when you’re around me?” Hayes asks, pure glee in his voice as if pleased with himself for putting it there.

“Do you know that I find you highly annoying?”

Hayes shrugs, keeping both hands on the wheel as he drives.

“You say annoying. I say engaging.”

“Can we go back to when you didn’t like me?” I grumble, staring straight ahead.

A year ago, Hayes hated my guts. He thought I was after his girl, and I thought he was a condescending idiot. Turns out we were both wrong about each other, but that still doesn’t mean I like him.

“Nah. What would be the fun in that? I wouldn’t be able to get under your skin. That’s much more satisfying. Besides, I have a feeling we are going to be friends one day.”

“Don’t hold your breath,” I say, rubbing my hand over my forehead where a headache is forming. “Or better yet—do and let me know how that goes for you.”

______________________

Hayes stops in front of a brick house, and I cock a brow. “Where are we?”

“The place I’m taking you. Now come on,” he says, grabbing a Styrofoam cup from the cup holder and getting out of the car before I can come up with an equally smart remark.

“I was wrong,” I grumble to myself, pulling on the door handle and following Hayes out of the car. “It won’t be my kid who causes me to go gray. It will be you.”

If Hayes heard me, he doesn’t show it besides the signature smirk that always seems to be on his face, which only irritates me more, but despite my irritation, I still follow him up the front stoop to a white door with chipping paint.

Hayes raises his hand and knocks, then covers his eyes. The situation is so strange that all my worries take a back seat for a second.

“What are you doing?” I asked, baffled.

I can hear footsteps drawing nearer from inside the house, but Hayes still doesn’t drop his hand.

“You’ll see,” He says just as the door opens. I turn my attention from Hayes to the person standing in the doorway, and my mouth drops open.

A mountain of an older man with tattoos covering most of his body stands there, filling up the frame. He’s wearing a white T-shirt and boxers. That’s all. No pants, and from the way Hayes still has his hands covering his eyes, I suspect he knew this is how we would be greeted.

I want to cover my eyes the same way, but I’m frozen in horror.

“Silas,” Hayes says, shoving out the hand that isn’t covering his eyes. “Take the milkshake and go put some pants on.”

I’ve seen the man around town with Hayes but never knew his name. Never bothered to get to know him. I’m not in Benton Falls to forge friendships. I’m here for my son, but maybe I need to start paying closer attention to the people in town. It could have prevented me from experiencing this.

Silas takes the cup from Hayes’s hand and shoves the straw between his lips, taking a long drag before he says, “You’re still not the boss, kid, but since you brought a milkshake, I guess I can put on pants.”

He spins and disappears into the house, leaving the door open, and only when the sound of his footsteps disappears does Hayes drop his hand.

By the time he looks at me, I’ve finally thawed out, and I’m glaring at him with murder in my eyes.

“You knew that was going to happen, didn’t you?”

Hayes shrugs, but there’s a spark of trouble in his eyes. “I had my suspicions.”

I have to fight the urge not to punch him in the jaw. He must realize it because his smirk drops, and he takes off inside the house.

“Are you coming or what?” He yells from down the hall.

Casting my eyes skyward, I take a deep breath to ward off my irritation and then follow him in.

The inside is nice—in a nothing-matches kind of way. I guess the right word for it would be homey. The place is inviting—even if the owner greets you in his underwear.

I follow Hayes to a living room just off the entryway, but I don’t sit down .

Awkward apprehension thrums through my veins as I look around

“What are we doing here, Hayes? A straight answer this time.”

He sits down on the couch and shrugs. “We’re here to talk to Silas.”

“Yeah, Hayes, that’s real helpful.” I deadpan.

A noise from the hallway draws my attention, and I move out of the doorway, leaning my back against a nearby wall as Silas enters the room.

“Theo, right?” He asks, sucking on his milkshake with no shame that I’d just seen him in his underwear. “I’ve met your son. He’s a good kid.”

“Yes, sir. He is.”

Regret claws at my chest. I hate not knowing all the pieces of Tanner’s life, including how he knows the man in front of me. Sure, the obvious assumption is that he met him through Hayes, but I want to know because I’ve been around for him to tell me, not because I guessed.

Silas waves his hand and scrunches his nose. “I’ll have none of that sir stuff around here. You’ll make me feel old.”

“You are old, Silas,” Hayes says from his spot on the couch.

The older man smacks Hayes on the back of the head, and I take satisfaction in the thump.

“So,” Silas says, sitting down and stretching out his long legs, “I hear you’re going to be the new baseball coach.”

My gaze darts to Hayes as I shove off the wall and stand up right. “That’s what this is about? After the paper you delivered today, this is what you think is important.”

I plant my feet wide, staring down at him while I wait for an answer, and for once, he has the sense to look sheepish.

“Look, it’s not what you think—” he starts, but I’m done listening.

Shaking my head, I head back the way we came. Hayes might have driven me here, but I’ll walk before I have this conversation.

My kid wants to play baseball. I get that, and I know Hayes has his best interest at heart, but right now, I have bigger things to worry about, like keeping custody.

“Theo, wait,” Hayes calls. Two sets of footsteps follow me, but I keep moving. I’m out the door in two seconds, stopping on the front stoop and gulping in the cool air as heat washes over my body.

But stopping was a mistake because it gave Hayes an opportunity to catch up with me, and I really am afraid I’ll punch him.

“Would you just listen for a minute?” he says, shoving his hands through his hair.

“Listen to you?” I scoff, indignation smothering me. “I’m trying not to lose my kid, and you want to talk about baseball.”

Hayes opens his mouth to reply, but a gruff voice beats him to it.

“There’s more than one way to lose a person,” Silas says, “and I think you already know that.”

My movements are slow and controlled as I turn my head to look at the stranger who knows nothing about me besides what he’s been told. Hayes’s head swivels back and forth between me and the older man, his brows puckered.

“What did you just say?” I ask, the threads of my anger unraveling quicker than I can stop them.

Silas is standing in his doorway, his shoulder leaning against the frame with the milkshake still in his hand, but there’s a hardness in his eyes that sets my teeth on edge.

He cocks his head sideways as if considering me, and then, after a moment, says, “You heard what I said.”

A short laugh slips from my lips, but it’s humorless. “You’re right. I did. You don’t know anything about me, so don’t assume you do.”

“Theo—” Hayes says my name as a warning, but Silas merely holds up his hand.

“Maybe I don’t know you personally, but I know the weight of regret.

Hold on to it long enough, and you learn to recognize it in others.

I saw it in you the moment I opened my door.

” He stops, letting what he says sink in before he continues.

“I played football. I was good at it, too—until I lost it. I’ve been in that kid’s shoes.

The drive to play—to compete—it doesn’t go away.

He needs to feel useful somewhere, and if he doesn’t get that—well, you might as well prepare yourself for trouble. ”

“Tanner is a good kid,” I growl, not liking what he’s implying, but Silas doesn’t argue with me like I thought he would.

He simply nods and says, “He is, but trouble doesn’t care if you’re good or bad. It can find all of us, especially when we are lost. ”

I open my mouth to respond, but Hayes cuts me off.

“Look,” he says, his voice far calmer than I’m feeling, “we both know this custody thing could cause Tanner to spiral. He’s going to need something to keep him steady, and I think baseball could do that for him.”

“And I’m supposed to risk his life for that?”

“No,” Hayes says simply. “I wouldn’t be asking you to make this decision if I thought it would risk his life. I spoke with Dr. Harrison—”

His words trail off as if he knows he has crossed a line.

Dr. Harrison is Hayes’s soon-to-be father-in-law. He was the one who diagnosed Tanner with post-concussion syndrome. He’s also the one who said Tanner couldn’t play football anymore.

He stands still, waiting for my anger, but to both of our surprise, it doesn’t come. He doesn’t know it, but he did me a favor by making that call. I have Dr. Harrison’s number. He gave it to me after Tanner was hospitalized, but I’ve been putting off that conversation.

I haven’t been honest with myself until right now. Since the moment Hayes mentioned Tanner wanting to play, I’ve been afraid. Terrified.

“What—” I pause, swiping my hand over my mouth and steeling my nerves. “What did he say?”

Hayes’s eyes pierce through me, no doubt wondering at my change in attitude. His jaw works back and forth, considering me before he says, “He can play.”

And that’s precisely what I’ve been afraid of.