Page 16 of Penance (Rising From the Ashes #2)

Theo

W hen I moved to Benton Falls, I bought a house in a good neighborhood.

The day I signed the papers, I drove to the property.

It was empty—without furniture or the things that make a house a home—but that didn’t stop me from dreaming about it.

I sat on the living room floor and imagined a time when it would be full, not with material things, but with noise—laughter and conversations.

I bought the home for my son because I wanted him to know what a home filled with love felt like.

The house has furniture now, but it still feels empty as I walk through the door after the trial.

A mirror hangs on the wall in the foyer, and my reflection catches my attention as I toe off my shoes.

I look like my dad with the same dark hair and eyes, and I’ve always hated it.

Growing up, I wanted to be nothing like him, yet that’s exactly what I became—a deadbeat father.

I wonder if Tanner resents the way he looks like me.

Unable to face myself any longer, I spin around and jerk at the knot at my neck, loosening my tie.

Tonight, it’s just me, the house, and a lifetime of regrets, and I know all too well that those things are a dangerous combination.

Stomping toward the kitchen, I search for something to control it—the desperation to numb the pain when things get too heavy—because the moment that need wins, I’m not the only one who will lose.

Except it’s not as easy as distracting myself.

Addiction is like a monster, always lurking in the dark.

It prowls beneath my skin and claws at my chest, begging to be let out until I’m too weak to resist.

When I reach the kitchen, my skin is coated in a sheen of sweat, causing my button-up to cling to me.

I slip both hands between the buttons and yank it open, sending them flying throughout the room, but it’s not enough.

It’s a thousand degrees in here, and if I don’t get out of this shirt right now, I may very well die from hyperthermia.

With jerky movements, I grab hold of one sleeve and pull, desperate to escape it.

The fabric is soaked from sweat, and the way it sticks to my skin makes me feel like I’ll never be free.

Finally, after a moment of wrestling, my arm slips out, and I’m able to get the other one out a little easier. I throw it to the floor, not caring that I’ve ruined an expensive dress shirt, and brace my hands against the counter in front of me.

I can imagine what I’d look like if anyone were to walk in. Shirtless, leaning over a counter with a tie still hanging from my neck, and unable to catch my breath. Unstable. That’s what Judge Ranker had said, and from the looks of me right now, I can’t deny it.

My breaths are like sharp knives, stabbing into my lungs, and my whole body aches.

It would be so easy to slip back to the man I used to be. One decision. That’s all it would take, and I can even come up with a million ways it would be justifiable.

I’m balancing on the edge of a cliff I won’t be able to come back from if I fall over when the doorbell rings.

Cursing, I shove myself off the counter and run my hands through my hair.

The doorbell rings again and again, and I’m pretty sure I might kill whoever is on the other side.

My sanity won’t allow me the time to grab a shirt.

I need the ringing to stop, so I march out of the kitchen to the front door, letting my anger bubble to the surface when I rip it open.

“What?” I demand when I come face to face with the trio from hell.

Hayes, Silas, and Campbell stand on my front stoop, staring back at me. Silas is sipping on what I would presume is another milkshake. Campbell is staring with his mouth hung open, bags in each hand, and Hayes has reached up to cover his own eyes.

“Theo, did you learn nothing from your visit with Silas? You can’t answer the door in a state of undress,” Hayes says.

“Maybe you’ll learn to call before you show up at someone’s house,” I growl. “I’m not in the mood for company. Goodbye.”

I start to shut the door, but Hayes sticks his foot in the way. “Too bad,” he says, his eyes uncovered now, “because we are sticking around.”

He shoves past me, and his gaggle of friends follow, ignoring my protest as they walk into the kitchen.

“Hayes,” I hear Campbell say, “I think Theo works out more than you do. Do you think if MJ finds out, she might leave you for him?”

His comment is followed by a solid thud, which I would wager was Hayes hitting Campbell in the head. Silas says something I can’t hear, and I reach up, rubbing my thumb and forefinger over my brow.

When another thud comes from the kitchen, I jump into action, racing up the stairs to grab a shirt and throw it on before running back down with the intention of getting them out of my house.

When I reach the kitchen, the three men are already making themselves at home, pulling out food from the bags Campbell was carrying.

“Come on, Theo,” Campbell calls, “We got you some, too.”

“Yeah, and you better eat it before Campbell does. He’s known for stealing other people’s food.” Hayes glares at Campbell, but Campbell is unfazed.

“You snooze, you lose, man. ”

“Not to interrupt this bromance you have going on, but what are you doing here?” My voice is tight, barely holding onto constraint, but isn’t that how I have lived most of my life? Just barely holding on.

Hayes and Campbell both somber up, but it’s Silas who answers.

“It’s a small town, kid. We heard the news and figured you could use some company.” He stops, looking at the other two men. “Or entertainment. That’s probably the better word with these two idiots.”

Campbell scoffs, placing his hand over his chest as if wounded, and I roll my eyes.

I should tell them to take their food and send them packing, but then I think about where I was moments before they showed up. I was on the edge of breaking, so instead I glare at them and say, “This doesn’t make us friends.”

Hayes smirks. “You’ll give in eventually.”

“Don’t get your hopes up,” I say, doing just that and sitting at the table.

Settling in, I snatch a to-go container out from in front of Campbell and stuff my mouth with food. Silas chuckles and slurps on his milkshake.

“So—things didn’t go as planned today.” Hayes’s voice is hesitant, as if gauging my reaction.

“We aren’t talking about this,” I growl, danger lurking in my voice, but Campbell doesn’t pick up on it. The man is an oblivious idiot.

“It might make you feel better,” he says with his mouth full, having gotten another plate of food after I stole his.

“It won’t.”

“But what if—”

“No.”

“How about—”

“No.”

“Fine,” Campbell says, sitting back in a huff and crossing his arms .

“If you won’t talk about that, then let’s talk about Lily,” Hayes suggests. “What’s going on with you guys?”

“Nothing.”

He shrugs. “Maybe there should be.”

I scoff. “Yeah, because I’m exactly the kind of problem she needs. I think she’d pass.”

“You don’t know that,” Silas says, tipping his cup my way. “Maybe you’re both what the other needs.”

“And maybe you’re delusional. Look, just drop it before I’m tempted to kick you out.”

Nothing about me is what Lily needs—and after today, I’ll be lucky if she even talks to me. When the hearing was over, she let me off easy. I owed her answers, but I think she saw the devastation in my eyes because she laid her hand on my arm and said, “We’ll talk later.”

It made me a coward, but I took the out she gave me and let her walk away. Tanner left with Josephine, and I went home alone.

“Fine, but all I’m saying is that Lily is struggling just as much as you are,” Hayes says. “I saw you guys at my engagement party, and I think you could help each other.”

“I said no.” My voice leaves no room for argument this time.

Hayes throws his hands up in the air.

“I get it. You think she’d be better off with Campbell here,” Silas says. His voice is even. I see what he’s doing, but it doesn’t stop me from reacting.

“No,” I snap. “But that doesn’t mean I’m any good for her. You don’t know me.”

Silas shrugs. “So, you’ve got a past. We all do. God hasn’t cut me down at the knees for it yet.”

I turn my head so he can only see parts of my face. “If God is paying attention to me, he’s probably waiting for me to get something right.” I chuckle, the sound harsh in my throat. “I’m waiting for me to get something right.”

Hayes rolls his eyes. “The problem is you’re too hung up on doing something right. Just do something good.”

“I’m no good for Lily, either.” As the words leave my mouth, I realize I’ve just ousted myself.

Hayes smirks like he knows I can’t stop thinking about her, and Silas looks at Campbell. “What do you say, Campbell? You want to go visit the pretty principal after this?”

I feel my blood boiling, and I know Silas sees right through me. Even though I have nothing to offer her, the thought of her with another man makes me want to destroy more than my reputation.

“Try it, and I’ll bloody your nose,” I say, staring directly at Campbell.

“Eh. It won’t be the first bloody nose I’ve ever had. How about it, Hayes, was a bloody nose worth getting your girl?”

Hayes’s smile is bigger than his usual smirk. “Worth every second of it.”

Gritting my teeth, I curl my hands into fists, digging nails into my palms to keep me from hitting one of them. This is my fault. I’m the idiot who let them in, but even through the haze of my anger, I can’t help wondering if they are right.

Maybe Lily and I can help each other.

______________________

The first baseball practice falls two days after the custody hearing, and as much as I was dreading it at first, that’s not the case now. Now, it’s a chance to spend more time with Tanner.

I’ll die before admitting it aloud, but I’m thankful Hayes talked me into this.

Except when I walk onto the field and find him and Campbell standing there, bats and gloves in their hands, I suddenly find myself suspicious rather than thankful.