Page 44 of Penance (Rising From the Ashes #2)

Theo

T oday is one of the biggest games of the season. We’ve been on a winning streak, but we are playing one of Benton Fall’s biggest rivals. The town has been buzzing with anticipation. The bleachers are full, and my attention should be on the game—but it’s not.

Since the dinner at the church, things have shifted between Lily and me. I shouldn’t have said what I did about her mom, but I looked over in that gym to see my kid laughing for the first time in months, and the only thing missing in that equation was me.

It was a moment of weakness—one I can’t afford to have.

Yelling from the field brings my attention back to the game. It’s a tie ball game, and the bases are loaded. Morgan’s up to bat, and we have the chance to end the game here. One more out, though, and we are going into overtime.

I’m standing just outside the dugout while Morgan warms up his swing. A new pitcher has been brought in, and he’s warming up his arm. Morgan watches him, lining up his swing with the pitcher’s throw.

A squeal comes from the bleachers, and I look over to where Mia is sitting.

Morgan brought her with him today. She looks much better than she did a couple of weeks ago.

She’s sitting in the stands, where Morgan and I can both see her, with a crooked smile as she watches her big brother.

I’ve gone out and checked on them several times since the day I took Morgan to the store, bringing them groceries every time I go, but this isn’t a long-term solution.

Morgan needs help. He has his whole senior year ahead of him and is good enough to play baseball in college, but he can’t do that with the way things are.

Plus, Mia deserves more than that trailer they are living in.

They both do. Every day, I worry that I’ve made the wrong decision in not telling someone.

The pitcher signals he’s ready, and Morgan takes a slow, deep breath, walking to home plate. Nerves radiate off of him

“You’ve got it, Morgan,” I call loud enough for him to hear.

He doesn’t look back, but his steps take a more confident stride. He’s just brought up his bat to take his stance when someone yells his name from the stands. It’s not the yell of a fan, either. It’s loud, angry, and slurred.

“Morgan, I told you what I would do if I caught you in this field. I’ll kill ya, boy. I’ll kill ya.”

My eyes scan the crowd, landing on Morgan’s dad. Zeb stands at the fence, his fingers laced in the chain links, pulling on it so hard the whole thing shakes.

The crowd has gone quiet, their attention drawn to the drunk making a scene, and the other boys come out of the dugout to see what’s happening.

I wave them back in, not needing them to be a part of this. All of them listen but one—my one. Tanner ignores me, strutting out to where I stand.

“What’s going on, Dad?” There’s genuine concern in his voice as he looks from Zeb to Morgan.

“Just stay back, Tanner.”

“Dad—” he protests .

But I can’t do this. Not right now. “Tanner,” I snap his name, and he glares back at me, stubbornly raising his chin.

“I don’t have time for this right now,” I growl.

The words are out before I can stop them, and once again, they are the wrong ones.

Like Lily did the day at the church, Tanner looks like I struck him, but Morgan is frozen, staring at his dad with sheer terror.

His eyes snap to Mia, and that terror grows into something tangible.

He’s not scared for himself. He’s scared for her.

I have to make a choice and pray my kid understands later.

I take off, sprinting toward Morgan. Hayes and Campbell are the base coaches, and when they see me running, they follow.

“Is there a problem here?” Campbell asks, looking more serious than I’ve ever seen him.

“Yeah, there’s a problem. That boy ain’t supposed to be out there. He has responsibilities at home, and I don’t want him around that hotshot of a coach.”

“I’m eighteen,” Morgan argues so quietly that it almost gets drowned out in the crowd, but despite their volume, the words deliver a punch.

Zeb sneers through the fence, his belligerence growing. “And you still live under my roof, but not anymore. You can pack your stuff and get out.”

Morgan’s face pales, the small amount of confidence draining out of him. “Please, Dad,” he begs. “I’m sorry.”

He’s not begging for him. If he’s gone, there will be no one else to take care of her, and there’s no way Zeb will let him take her with him.

“Oh, now you want to listen, boy?” An evil glint darkens Zeb’s eye, but he stops, his attention snagging on something in the bleachers. Not something. Someone.

Mia is still sitting in her seat, tears streaming down her little face, and when Zeb sees her, he lunges for her.

The crowd gasps, and Morgan takes off running with Tanner, Hayes, Campbell, and me on his heels.

But we are on the other side of the fence and won’t reach her before he does.

Someone else does, though. Lily had been sitting a couple of rows up from Mia, watching the game, but now she’s standing tall, blocking the little girl with her body.

As far as I know, she has no idea who Mia is besides the connections she’s probably formed when Zeb and Morgan were arguing, but she’s protecting her like she’s known her her whole life.

“Get out of my way.” Zeb is inches from Lily’s face, screaming, but she doesn’t flinch.

“Sir, if you could just calm down. We can talk.”

He’s not in any state to listen to words, though. I see his arm cock back, and when it moves forward, I throw myself in front of Lily, taking the punch. It lands square on my jaw, and it’s hard enough to knock my head sideways and splatter blood out of my mouth.

“Dad,” Tanner cries, but I shake my head, showing him I’m okay.

Hayes tackles Zeb to the ground, detaining him while he fights against him, and Campbell already has his phone out, calling for backup. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Morgan holding Mia to him, and through it all, a soft voice says my name.

“Theo, let me see.”

Lily walks around me so she can see my face.

Blood is pouring out of my mouth. I try to wipe it away with my shirt, but Lily stops me, taking my face in her hand and turning it back and forth.

“You didn’t have to do that,” she says, her eyes staying on the blood.

She’s crazy if she thinks there’s a world where I would ever have let her take that punch.

“Yeah, hopeless. I did.”

Her fingers are gentle as they probe along my face, searching, but even that gentle touch seers. Burns itself into my soul.

“Thank you.”

_____________________ _

Half an hour later, Zeb is in the back of a squad car. The game has ended. Tanner left with his mom without speaking to me, and Morgan still holds his sister. Mia has long since passed out in his arms, and Lily is speaking to him in soft tones.

When she forced me to adopt Lucy, she accused herself of being unable to love, but I wonder if she could see herself through my eyes if she would say the same thing.

She might not love loudly, but she loves all the same.

It’s in the way she looks at Morgan and the little girl she just met.

Her love is quiet enough that people miss it because they aren’t paying attention.

But I am.

As if they feel me watching, Morgan and Lily’s heads snap up to where I’m standing. I can’t tell what they are thinking from this far away, but even from here, I can see the tension coiled in Morgan’s shoulders.

My hand goes to my neck, rubbing out knots that have been there for as long as I can remember as I walk over to join them. A thousand more knots form when I’m finally close enough to see Lily’s face.

She’s furious, and all that anger is directed at me.

“Coach,” Morgan whispers, so not to wake up Mia. “Tell Ms. Carson that Mia and I are fine. She’s trying to report us, man. You promised.”

Lily’s gaze snaps to me. “Promised what? What is he talking about, Theo?”

I sigh, digging my fingers deeper into my neck. “Lily, can we talk in private?”

Her eyes flash to Morgan, as if afraid he and his little sister will disappear in the moments we are gone.

“Morgan, why don’t you and Mia wait for me in my truck. She’ll sleep better there. The keys are in it. Start it and get the air going.”

He shifts Mia higher in his arms but otherwise doesn’t move. He looks torn between getting her some place comfortable and staying to plead with Lily not to turn them in to social services.

I place a hand on his shoulder, and wide green eyes stare back at me, begging me to keep my promise. “It’s okay, Morgan.”

I’m lying. I can’t guarantee that for him, but I will try.

Morgan stays quiet for a moment longer, then concedes, walking to the parking lot holding his whole world in his arms.

My hand moves from my neck to my jaw, trying to scrub the exhaustion away. Lily watches them until they disappear, and then her attention returns to me.

And just like every time she looks at me, I’m not prepared for it. It’s too much and not enough all at once.

Clearing my throat, I motion toward the bleachers. “Let’s sit.”

But Lily shakes her head, the stubborn set of her jaw coming out. “I don’t want to sit. I want you to tell me what’s going on.”

“Hopeless—”

“Don’t you, hopeless me , Theo. Start talking. Now.” Anger simmers in the depths of her eyes.

The ice is back.

Shoving my hands in my pocket, I watch the sunset over the field. “Do you remember that first ballgame when Morgan’s car broke down, and I helped him?”

“Yes.”

“I drove him home that day. There was no way of fixing his car right then, so I took him home. When we got there, it was, um—the house is in pretty rough shape, but I didn’t—I didn’t have much time to think about it because Morgan jumped out of my truck and took off running.

I could tell something was wrong, so I followed.

” I pause, remembering the sheer terror on Morgan’s face.

“His dad hadn’t been home for a while, so Morgan had hired a babysitter to stay with his sister during the game.

I—uh—I guess it was someone from their neighborhood, and when he was late, they didn’t stick around.

They left her there at that house by herself. ”

“And you didn’t call social services immediately? What were you thinking, Theo? You are in the middle of a custody hearing, and if someone finds out you didn’t report this, you could lose. More than just the custody hearing, too. You could lose your job.”

The thing about Lily is that she sees things as black and white. There are no shades of gray in her world. I think it’s her way of protecting herself—of protecting the people she cares about—but life isn’t black and white.

“Because I know what it’s like.” Frustration leaks into my voice, but I keep going.

“Because I know what it’s like to have your kid stripped out of your grip when you are doing the best you can by them.

The system doesn’t care about your best. They take them anyway, and I refuse to be a part of something that takes her away from him. ”

“Theo, you’re too close to this. Step back and look at it. Morgan is eighteen. He can’t take care of her. He still needs someone to take care of him.”

I go deathly still. “I was the same age.”

“Theo, it’s different—”

My temper flares.

“Lily,” I roar. “Can you stop being so cold for one second and let yourself feel? Put yourself in their shoes.”

Strike three, and I’m out. I watch the words land with the precision of a bullet.

Lily takes a step back from me, her arms wrapping around her middle, and even in the smothering Southern heat, she shivers.

“I was.” Her voice is low, but it doesn’t tremble.

Her mask is on, and I’m afraid it will never come back off.

“I was in their shoes, and I wished someone had stepped in. I wish I hadn’t had to be the adult when I should have just been able to be a kid, so call it what you want, Theo.

Cold. Ice queen. Heartless. It’s nothing I haven’t heard before, but you know that I was in their shoes. ”

She doesn’t stick around for me to respond. She walks away without a second glance, and I let her because I’ve just realized something.

I love her. I’m in love with her, but it turns out I wasn’t far off the day at the church. There’s no difference between her mom and me because I broke her heart.