Page 20 of Penance (Rising From the Ashes #2)

A red pickup truck is sitting in front of my house, and Theo is leaning against it, his arms crossed over his chest, causing his biceps to bulge.

He’s the furthest thing from safe I can think of—not because he would ever hurt me physically.

He wouldn’t. I don’t know how I know that—something deep in my gut just knows it’s true—but there’s something about him that draws me to him.

If I were to let him, he could become an obsession for me.

An all-consuming, forget to look at the red flags kind of obsession.

And that kind of obsession is the start of a downfall.

Putting my car in park, I sit still, staring at him through the windshield. He doesn’t move either, looking entirely too comfortable where he stands. He’s staring back at me with a storm brewing in his eyes, and a shiver runs over my spine as his eyes darken the longer he stares.

Danger. Danger. Danger.

I’m in real danger.

Stiffening my shoulders, I turn off the car and open my door, stepping out with slow and intentional steps.

When he sees me get out, Theo shoves off his truck and walks my way, and I hate the way my breath catches in my lungs when he shoves his hands in his pockets and the muscles in his forearms ripple.

He’s an addict. Was an addict . I don’t know which it is, and that scares me because I know all too well how good they can be at hiding their problems from the outside world.

I don’t know enough about Theo to know which version of him is real—the man fighting for his son or the one who wasn’t around because he was too busy getting drunk.

“Hey, hopeless,” Theo says, his warm voice washing over me.

I swallow hard against the onslaught of confusion that comes with the wave of his voice and slip on a mask of indifference.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, choosing to ignore the nickname this time. It only seems to spur him on.

His smirk falters just a little, but it’s enough for me to see that he’s giving up a piece of his pride to be here.

“I was hoping we could talk,” he says, watching my face intently .

But if he’s looking for my mask to slip, it won’t.

“About what? I ask, but I can’t stand there waiting for him to answer. There’s a restlessness running through my veins that I don’t know what to do with, and it only ever happens around Theo. Walking past him, I dig in my purse for my keys to avoid his gaze, but he doesn’t let me get far.

He catches my arm, his thumb landing just below the sleeve of my T-shirt.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see him turn his head to look at me, the bridge of his nose coming close enough to run across the shell of my ear.

His touch seers into my skin, and I hold my breath so he doesn’t realize the effect he has on me.

“Come on, hopeless,” he whispers, his voice full of gravel, “you know what we need to talk about. Let me explain.”

I don’t look at him, staring straight ahead while contemplating his request. His thumb twitches, causing the calluses to scrape against my skin and sending shock waves up my arm. I think it misfires my brain. It’s the only reason I can think of for agreeing.

“Okay.”

Theo doesn’t let go of my arm immediately. He holds onto it, and I can feel his gaze boring into the side of my face. I keep my eyes forward, knowing if I come face to face with him, I might just lose more of my sanity. After a moment, he sighs, letting go of my arm.

“After you,” he says, stepping behind me to follow. He stands far enough back that I can finally breathe, and I realize I’ve just invited him into my space—willingly.

With my hand wrapped around my keys, I walk up my porch steps and unlock the door. Air conditioning hits me in my face as I open it and walk in, and it’s a good thing too cause my cheeks are on fire.

For the first time, I’m seeing my house through someone else’s eyes, and I can’t help noticing the hundred things that need to be updated. The things in the house that felt chic before suddenly feel outdated instead.

“Sorry about the mess,” I say, throwing my keys on the entryway table and doing everything I can to avoid Theo’s gaze, but when he doesn’t answer, I can’t stop myself any longer. I lift my head and look at him to see what he’s thinking.

His brows are pulled together, and he’s staring at me like he can’t figure me out.

But he should join the club because I can’t figure me out either—especially when it comes to him.

Since the day I met him, my head has told me to run, but my heart—that traitorous organ wants to trust him, even after finding out about his addiction.

“Your house is nice, Lily.” The intensity of his stare sends a flush over my skin, and his eyes track it before returning to mine.

“Thanks,” I grumble, not used to compliments. “Would you like a glass of sweet tea?”

I don’t wait for his answer, heading to the kitchen so I have something to do because if I just stand here, with Theo’s presence sucking all the air from the room, I might explode.

“Sure,” he says, his heavy footsteps following me down the hall into the kitchen.

I busy myself, grabbing two glasses from the cabinet and pouring us each some tea.

When I’ve avoided him as long as I can, I turn to find him sitting at the bar top, looking around with a curious gaze.

I set his glass between us and clear my throat.

His eyes snap to me, and I wish they hadn’t because those dark eyes are consuming.

My hand finds my necklace, a reminder of what it means to be consumed, and I take a deep breath.

“So, you wanted to explain—” I say.

Theo wraps his hand around the glass, but he doesn’t pick it up. His eyes take on a faraway look, and a flush creeps up the back of his neck.

“Lily, there are a few things you need to know, but first, I need you to know I want to keep my kid safe. He’s the only thing that matters to me.

” He pauses, and his eyes roam over me. Something in his expression makes me think he’s holding back.

Without letting the secret out, Theo clears his throat and moves on. “I haven’t had a drink in two years.”

My fingers find the rim of my glass, and I watch my them circle around and around.

“Two years?” I ask, skeptically. Parts of me want to believe him, but believing him requires faith and trust. Both things I’m a little low on.

Theo’s hand finds mine, holding it in place. His tanned skin contrasts sharply with mine, another way we are different. His grip tightens, and I look up to find his eyes brimming with tears.

“Two years, Lily. I promise.” The sincerity in his voice is so real that I’d be an idiot to ignore it. He’s telling the truth, and I hate how a knot unravels in my chest when I realize that.

“Fine,” I say, pulling my hand from beneath his. “I believe you, but what about the years before? Why wasn’t Tanner enough all the years before?”

My voice breaks on the last word, revealing a lifetime of vulnerabilities.

Theo clenches his teeth, the muscle jumping in his jaw, and he moves his fingers in and out of fists.

“When Tanner was born, I was eighteen years old—”

“I didn’t ask—” I interrupt, but Theo shuts me down with a look.

“It matters. I promise,” he says, begging me to understand, so I clamp my mouth shut and motion for him to continue. He blows out a breath, running his fingers through his hair.

“I was eighteen years old when Tanner was born. Josephine and I—we started dating when we were sixteen. I thought I loved her. I thought she loved me—” He laughs, and I can hear the bitterness.

“I didn’t see it then, but Josephine doesn’t love anyone but herself. And money. She really loves money. ”

“Yeah,” I say, reflecting on everything I know about Josephine. “I can see that.”

Theo’s lips tilt up into a half smile before he continues.

“I didn’t come from money—far from it—but Josephine did.

I think, at first, I was a way for her to rebel, but when she got pregnant, the consequences of that rebellion became real.

I married her because I thought I was supposed to.

And her family —they wanted nothing to do with her while she was married to me.

They saw it as a disgrace upon their name.

Josephine was eighteen, scared, and pregnant, but I promised to take care of her and the baby.

It was enough for her—at least for a little while.

By the time Tanner was one things had changed.

Josephine wasn’t happy. She didn’t like that I couldn’t provide her with the life she was used to.

So, she left—went back to her family—and they took her in—with a stipulation.

” Theo stops, swallowing past a lump in his throat.

“What was the stipulation?” I ask. My voice is scratchy, and remorse shines in Theo’s eyes. He’s a man who holds a lot of regret on his shoulders, and it makes my chest ache for him.

“The only way they would let her back in was if she divorced me—and tried for full custody for Tanner. I did everything I could—fought with everything I had. I wanted to be a father to my son. I—I wanted him.” The tear on his eyelashes falls to his cheek, and my fingers ache to wipe it away.

But I hold back, waiting for him to finish his story.

Theo doesn’t wipe the tear away either. He lets it slide down his neck, soaking into his t-shirt. He isn’t ashamed of his emotions like a lot of men would be, and that says more about him than anything else could have.

“Anyway,” he says, clearing his throat, “in the end, everything I had wasn’t enough. They had the money and the influence to win. I—uh—I slipped into a really dark place. I couldn’t handle a life without my son, so I started drinking. And I didn’t stop—not until two years ago.”

“What made you stop?” My throat aches with emotion.

“Tanner. He—uh—he called me one night. It was the night before Josephine and Eric’s wedding, and he was scared.

He wanted to come stay with me. I’d been drinking, and–um—I couldn’t even get him.

He begged me. He begged me to come, but I couldn’t.

I failed him, and after that night, I promised to never fail him again. ”

“It wasn’t your fault. You tried—”

Theo stands up, shoving out of his chair and pacing back and forth.

“It was, Lily. It was my fault, and I’m failing him again. And I don’t know how to change that.”

The tears are falling down his cheeks freely now, and the brokenness in his eyes makes it impossible to hold back any longer. I walk around the counter, and he watches me, looking like he might run if I move too fast.

My steps are slow as I approach, and when I get close enough, I wrap my arms around his neck. He stiffens for a minute before sinking into my hold, his hands wrapping around me and landing on my lower back.

“We won’t fail him, Theo. You did it on your own before, but you don’t have to now. I’ll help you.”