Page 50 of Penance (Rising From the Ashes #2)
Lily
T heo picks me up early the next morning, and we set off toward my old hometown.
I’m nervous, but I feel stronger with Theo by my side—like I can face this without breaking.
He holds my hand the whole time, and when we pull into the trailer park, he squeezes it to let me know he’s not going anywhere.
The place looks like I remembered it, with despair clinging to the exterior of the homes. It permeates the air, tainting everything it touches. It clung to me as a girl, but I got out—and I’m proud of myself for that.
Theo parks in front of my mom’s trailer, and we get out, walking to the front door without speaking. I lift my hand and knock, then step back, waiting. My heart hammers hard against my ribs as the floor squeaks inside, and the whole time, Theo stands by me, his hand resting against my lower back.
When the door swings open, I hold my breath until my eyes land on my mom, and then I force myself not to cry.
There is no longer a resemblance between the woman standing in front of me and the one I used to know, and I don’t know if that makes this easier or harder. In some ways, it’s easier because I don’t know this woman, but I feel like I’ll always mourn the one I did.
“Lily,” she cries when she sees it’s me standing on her porch. “Oh, baby, I knew you’d come. I knew you’d take care of me.”
I flinch, but Theo steps into me, keeping me steady.
“I can’t stay. I just came to give you this.
” I reach up, unhooking the necklace around my neck.
I settle it in my hand and then stretch out my arm, taking her hand and turning it over in mine.
The necklace falls from my hand into hers, and with it, the weight of all my hatred. “I forgive you, Mom.”
When I look up, she’s looking at the necklace in her hand, tears streaming down her face. I lean forward, pressing a lingering kiss against her cheek. “I love you, and I hope you get better someday.”
She doesn’t say anything, her tears continuing to fall. My cheeks are wet, too, but I don’t wipe them away. I’ve hid from my pain for too long. The only way for me to heal is to embrace the pain.
I finally step back into Theo’s warm embrace as he leads me away. Theo opens my door, and I’m about to get in the car when my mom calls my name. I freeze, looking back at her as I wait.
“I’m sorry.”
I’ve been waiting for those words my whole life, and it’s only now that I have them that I realize they were never what I needed to heal.
I smile at her as I say goodbye. “I know, Mom. Me too.”
She doesn’t say anything more before she disappears back into her house. My tears continue to fall as Theo helps me into the truck. He leans in, kissing away each tear as it falls.
“I love you, hopeless.
I always thought love was the thing that kills you, but I was wrong. It’s the thing that heals.