Page 22 of Penance (Rising From the Ashes #2)

Theo

I t’s been three days since the day Lily agreed to a fake date. Since then, we’ve texted once, planning our first public outing. I don’t know what I thought having a fake girlfriend would be like, but it’s been ten times easier than having a real wife.

After Josephine, I chose not to date. Granted, it’s hard to go and put yourself out there when you spend most of your time too drunk to stand. I always managed to hold a steady job, but I drowned my sorrows in a bottle on the days I wasn’t at work.

Shame burns through my chest when I think back to that time in my life, and if I think about it too long—well, I just don’t.

Shaking myself from my thoughts, I grab a shirt from my drawer. I’m running late for work, and Tanner will be here any minute.

My uniform is halfway over my head when the front door slams shut.

It’s the first day Tanner’s been home since the court ruling, and I have to work.

At every turn, my attempts to have a relationship with my son are thwarted.

I’d laugh if I weren’t so overwhelmed. Between the prospect of more time with Lily and less time with my son, my heart is tied in knots.

Tucking my shirt into my pants, I walk out of my bedroom and down the stairs, only to find it’s not just Tanner standing in the foyer below.

Bella stands beside him, a backpack slung over her shoulder.

Her dark brown hair hangs down her back, and a pair of glasses sits on the end of her nose.

Bella is the exact opposite of my son—short to his tall, nerdy to his athletic—but Tanner is in love with her.

That much is obvious. She’s looking around the foyer, but Tanner is staring at her.

The look in his eyes is familiar—and terrifying.

He’s looking at her like I used to look at his mother, with an infatuation too great for a seventeen-year-old kid.

“Tanner,” I say, drawing his attention to where I’ve stopped on the stairs. My voice is stern, slipping into parent mode.

His head jerks up, looking away from Bella to me. An easy smile slips onto his lips.

“Oh hey, Dad. I thought you would be gone by now.”

Therein lies the problem. Tanner knew I was going to be gone for work.

I texted him about it last night, yet he’s here with a girl.

If I hadn’t called in late for work, I never would have known, and he would be in the same position I was seventeen years ago.

This is my fault. I haven’t made my expectations clear.

I was worried more about being his friend than his dad.

I won’t let them fall into the same mistakes I did.

Tanner’s smile fades when he sees the storm brewing on my face.

“We aren’t doing this, Tanner,” I say, my eyes darting to Bella and then back to him again.

I like Bella. I really do. I think she is a good kid, and she’s had a hand in helping Tanner through some rough parts of his life.

Tanner likes her, and I’m all for them dating—but not this.

She’s a good kid—they both are—but good kids still make stupid decisions.

I don’t want that kind of heartbreak for her or my son.

Tanner’s brows are drawn, staring at me like he could run through me. But I would rather him hate me than to make the same decisions I did.

He holds my gaze for one second—then two—and then he snorts, shaking his head. “You’re right, Dad. We aren’t because I’m not you.”

Marching past me, up the stairs, he narrowly misses slamming into my shoulder.

“Tanner, get back here right now,” I yell after him, but he doesn’t listen.

He keeps walking, not even bothering to turn around when he waves and says, “Have a nice shift. Try not to catch on fire.”

Although from the venom in his voice, I’m not sure he means that.

I glance at my watch, then to Bella, who is staring back at me with heat in her cheeks.

“We are going to church, sir,” she says, not backing down under my stare. She stands taller as I glower down at her.

I’m not mad at her. Tanner either. I’m just trying to protect them. All the ways I can stop this run through my mind until what she said finally hits me.

“What?” I’m having trouble wrapping my head around what she said because that would mean I messed up with Tanner—again.

“I said we are going to church, sir. We just stopped by here so Tanner could grab the Bible I bought him, and I needed to change out my monitor,” she says, pointing to the diabetes monitor on the side of her upper arm.

“Tanner knows how much I hate doing it myself, so he said he would do it if I came in.”

“I—” I stop, shaking my head. “I’m sorry, Bella. I assumed the worst.”

Bella is wise beyond her years because when I look at her, she’s not looking at me with anger. There’s understanding in her gaze, and that makes me feel about two feet tall.

“It’s not me you need to apologize to, sir.”

My eyes dart up the stairs to where Tanner disappeared moments before. She’s right. I owe him an apology, but how do you say I’m sorry when those words don’t cover nearly enough? There are a lot of things I’m sorry for, and this apology is just a drop in the bucket of what he’s owed.

“Look,” Bella says, placing her hands on her hips and pulling my attention back to her.

With her glasses on and backpack on her shoulder, she looks like a miniature principal, waiting to hand me a lecture.

“I know it’s not any of my business, but cut yourself some slack, Mr. S.

You’re doing the best you can. Tanner might not say it, but he needs you. ”

A lump the size of Texas forms in my throat.

“You think so?” I ask around it.

Because I’m starting to wonder if that’s true.

I don’t voice that thought aloud, but it’s always in the back of my mind. Does he really need me? He’ll be eighteen in a year, and then my role as a parent will be obsolete. There will be nothing there to force him to come around. It will be completely up to him.

Bella smiles softly and walks toward me, taking my hand in hers. “I know so, Mr. S. Tanner loves you. He just doesn’t know how to show it.” Letting go of my hand, she snaps her fingers and points at me. “You know what?” she asks, changing the topic so fast my head spins a little.

“What?” I ask hesitantly. The girl is like a whirlwind inside of a tornado.

“I think you could use a little Jesus in your life. You should come to church with us some time, Mr. S.”

“Uh—I’ll think about it,” I say, plastering something that resembles a smile on my face.

She’s right. I probably could, but not like this. Not yet.

My answer must be good enough for her because she pats my arm and rushes up the stairs to Tanner, leaving me to stew in my mistakes.

______________________

“CHIEF.” My name is called at an abnormally loud volume, meaning it can only be one person .

The door to my office bursts open, and I press my thumb and forefinger into my eyes, hoping he won’t be there when I open them.

“Chief. Hey, chief. Chief.” His voice is pitched in an off-key sing-song on that last one, making him impossible to ignore.

Dropping my hand, I sigh and open my eyes.

Zane stands in the doorway, a full grin stretched over his mouth.

“What can I help you with, Zane?” I ask with more patience than I feel.

Since leaving my house earlier, I’ve been on edge.

I apologized to Tanner before leaving, but the damage was done.

His only answer was a grunt before slamming the door shut in my face.

I left shortly after he did, and I’ve been in my office since then.

I’m in a poor mood because of my actions, and it’s not fair for me to take that out on anyone else.

“I’m hungry.”

My right eye twitches.

“So go eat. There’s plenty of food in the kitchen.”

Zane shrugs, oblivious to how close I am to losing my temper. “I don’t like any of that food, and no one will come to the store with me. What about you, Chief, want to come?”

I open my mouth to say no, but he widens his eyes into big puppy dog eyes and sticks out his lip.

“Please, Chief,” he begs, and I groan, knowing it’s impossible to say no now.

Growling, I swipe my cell phone off my desk and stomp over to where he’s standing, stopping in front of him and narrowing my eyes. “You’re worse than a child. Do you know that?”

He shrugs, unaffected by my mood. “Maybe, but it got you out of your office, didn’t it?”

With a flash of his teeth, he backpedals out of the room and takes off running toward one of the pickup trucks waiting outside before I can change my mind.

I follow him, grumbling about the rookie as I walk out to where the other guys are sitting, watching television.

Shane is leaning back in a recliner, his arm propped behind his head, and I smack it as I walk by. He jumps, and I glare down at him.

“Next time just give the kid a break and go with him,” I half-heartedly chide, but he just chuckles.

“I wouldn’t have been able to see that annoyed look on your face if I’d done that, Chief,” he says, continuing to laugh as he turns up the volume on the television so he can’t hear my response.

Shaking my head, I offer him one more glare before grabbing the keys and marching out.

The store is only a couple streets over, and it takes us no time to get there.

It’s a good thing, too, because if it had taken any longer, I would have stopped and made Zane walk.

Within the two-minute drive, he’d changed the radio station a total of ten times, never letting anything play more than a couple of seconds.

I pull into the parking lot and cut the engine as fast as I can, hopping out before Zane has his seat belt unbuckled, but in no time, he’s caught up to me, skipping through the parking lot and ignoring all the stares he’s drawing.

“So, Chief, what are you cooking us for lunch?”

I throw him a side-eye.