Page 41 of Penance (Rising From the Ashes #2)

Lily

B oards creek under my feet as I pace back and forth. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I’ve told myself to turn around and go back home a hundred times. Then I think about the two votes coming up and continue to pace.

Everything I’ve worked for my whole life hangs in the balance of those two votes—in my ability to sand down my hard edges and let others see beneath the walls I’ve built for years.

And my only chance of doing that stands on the other side of the door I’m pacing in front of.

With one deep breath, I set my shoulders back and square my body to face this head on.

Lifting my hand, I knock once and then step back and wait.

I don’t have to wait long, though, because as soon as my hand falls back to my side, the door swings open, Theo fills the open space, wearing a t-shirt that hugs his biceps and leaning his shoulder against the frame with a smirk on his lips.

His arms are crossed over his chest, revealing every single line of muscle, and his hair is a little messy, like he just woke up.

I have an innate need to reach out and run my fingers through it—until he opens his mouth.

“I was wondering how long it would take for you to knock. I was starting to think you’d pace out here all day.”

I narrow my eyes. “You knew I was out here the whole time? ”

Mischief sparks in the darkness of his eyes. “I figured there’s only one reason you’d be standing on my step on a Saturday morning.”

There’s amusement in his voice that has me thinking about strangling him again. The man makes me want to choke him and kiss him simultaneously, and it’s confusing.

Very, very confusing.

“And what is it you assume that reason is?” I keep the emotion out of my voice, but inside, I’m a ball of it.

Theo shoves his shoulder off the door, stepping forward until our chests touch. I dip my head back, looking up at him. This close, I can see it’s not just mischief in his eyes but something else. Something more.

Something dangerous.

I should step back, place enough space between us, but my feet won’t move. They don’t seem to understand the danger my heart is in. Theo leans down, closing more of the space between us until the scruff on his jaw drags against my cheek and his lips are next to my ear.

“You need my help.” His voice brushes over my skin, tugging at those emotions just below the surface. The ones that are even more dangerous than Theo. “Ask me, hopeless. Ask me for my help.”

Every fiber of my being fights against what he’s asking—fights against what I know I need to do—but then he lifts his hand and cups my face, dragging his thumb across my skin.

“Ask me.” His words are a whisper across my skin. A plea that I give in to.

“I need to borrow your dog.”

Surprise flashes in his eyes, but he doesn’t pull away. “And?” he asks. Humor laces his voice. He knows. I don’t know how, but somehow this man knows me—sees beneath, to the things I try to hide.

“And you. I need to borrow you too.”

Theo’s smirk turns into a genuine smile. “Are you asking me on a date, hopeless?”

I step back out of his hold but force myself to stand steady when my heart screams at me to run. “You are my fake boyfriend, aren’t you?”

His grin turns dangerous. “You keep telling yourself that, baby.”

______________________

Abigail called me this morning to tell me the vote for the Birdies is in two weeks, right around the time of the next board meeting, and I don’t know which one I’m more worried about.

If the board votes against me, it’s my job—one that I love—but it’s more than that. If I lose my job, I’ll have to leave Benton Falls, and this is the first place that’s ever felt like home.

On the other hand, if I don’t get a spot with the Birdies, I don’t know that I’ll want to stay anyway because it will mean I’ve failed. And I’m tired of failing.

So until the vote, I’m going to do everything I can to ensure I don’t—including pretending I know how to let someone in.

The summer festival is two weeks from now, and while I have tasks I need to accomplish, I know that some of the Birdies will be at the park today, discussing the layout for the vendors.

It’s my best chance to impress them before the vote, but I needed a reason to show up.

Theo’s dog is my best bet—and I guess it doesn’t hurt to have Theo here, too.

We are at the park’s entrance when I spy the Birdies on the other side. Without thinking, I grab onto Theo’s hand, lacing our fingers and stepping closer to him.

“Quick, pretend you like me.” I try to start walking, but Theo doesn’t budge.

He holds tighter, pulling me back. I fall into him, my hands falling on his chest. His arm comes up, wrapping around me and holding me steady.

A steady thump, thump, thump beats beneath my fingers while he holds onto Lucy’s leash with his free hand.

“I don’t have to pretend, hopeless.” We’re so close that, with his head bent, our lips brush with each word, and I find my heart linking with the beat of his.

He leans forward just enough to put pressure against my lips.

It’s hardly a kiss, but it sets my entire body on fire.

I’m burning up in it, willingly throwing myself into the heat.

He pulls back, satisfaction glinting in his eyes. “Come on,” he says, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. “Let’s give these women a show.”

My stomach sours.

Right. Show. This is a show.

Get yourself together, Lily. That’s exactly what you want it to be.

So why does it make me a little sick to think about?

Lucy barks, pulling me from my dangerous thoughts as we walk down the sidewalk.

Theo has me tucked into his side, but I don’t know what to do with my hands.

They hang uselessly down at my side, making our movements awkward.

I didn’t have to think about it the last time we were in this position. I was holding Lucy.

“Relax, hopeless,” Theo says, wrapping my arm around his hips before putting his back over my shoulder.

I shoot a glare up at Theo. “I don’t know how.”

The admission tastes bitter in my mouth.

A beat passes, in which Theo’s eyelashes bat—once, twice, three times, clearly shocked—and then he laughs. It’s deep and masculine and beautiful. Theo is beautiful when he laughs.

“What? No,” he says, the sarcasm heavy in his voice. “You could have fooled me, hopeless.”

A reluctant smile tugs at the corner of my lips, and I smack his hip.

“Shut up,” I mutter, but Theo has achieved what he’d intended. Instead of walking awkwardly now, I’m sinking into his side.

Safe. I feel safe.

The notion hits me hard because feeling safe with Theo is something I would have never guessed I would feel, and it’s terrifying .

“You’re overthinking again, hopeless. Tell me something about you. Something that makes you happy.”

“Control.”

Theo snorts, and I smile. It’s not forced or fake or a mask. It’s real. He makes me forget we’re just pretending.

“Pineapple sherbert ice cream.” I blurt out because even though this is fake, I want to give him something real—some small piece of me to hold on to when all this is over.

Theo looks contemplative for a moment, and then he nods. “I can see that.”

We keep walking, following Lucy wherever she leads. I’ve almost forgotten about the Birdies until Ethel Thatcher comes running our way, wildly waving her hands and calling Theo’s name.

Terror washes over Theo’s face when he sees her coming, and I laugh. “This is the second time you’ve been afraid of a little old lady. You fight fires for a living, Theo. Buck up.”

Theo pulls me so I’m standing in front of him—a shield against Ethel Thatcher. “I’ll fight ten fires over facing that lady.”

I roll my eyes just as Ethel descends upon us. She skids to a halt, inches from running over Lucy. The woman is a walking disaster but also a part of the Birdies, so pointing that out would be detrimental to my chances with the organization.

“Lily, I didn’t recognize you with that smile on your face.

You look like a whole new person. What have you been doing, sweetie?

” Her gaze darts to Theo behind me. His arm is still draped over my shoulder, wrapped around my neck, so he’s holding me in a hug from behind.

“Or I guess the better question is, who have you been kissing?” She raises her brows up and down.

“Because if I was kissing a man like that, you bet your britches, I’d be smiling, too. ”

Theo chokes, coughing to get over the shock, and I have to fight back my laughter. The woman has to be certifiably insane .

How did I miss how funny she was before?

“You’re right, Ms. Thatcher. It’s hard not to smile when a man kisses like Theo.”

I mostly say it to goad Theo, but I also can’t help recalling the first time Theo kissed me. It was all-consuming in a way that I found myself smiling every time I thought about it days after.

Ethel mutters something to herself that sounds an awful lot like I knew it, and Theo leans down to whisper in my ear. “Have your fun, hopeless, but payback is coming.”

A shiver runs down my spine, and unfortunately, I can’t tell if it’s from his proximity or the threat I know he will carry through with.

Ethel doesn’t seem to notice our exchange because after muttering to herself, she keeps on talking.

“Anywho, I came over here because I’ve been trying to talk to this fella for weeks,” she says, pointing at Theo.

“The Birdies are hosting a dinner at the church next Sunday, and I was hoping he’d be my date, but I guess since you’re kissing, he can be yours, Lily.

You were planning on coming, right? A bunch of your students are serving, including that boy of yours, hot stuff. ”

Both Theo and I freeze. This conversation was fun before, but now I’m frantically searching for a way out.

My mind flashes back to that desperate prayer I prayed at the beginning of summer, and I can’t help thinking about how foolish I’d been.

I made a deal with God, and it seems he’s come to collect because there’s no getting out of this—not without doing more damage to my reputation.

So I make another deal—this one with the fiery woman before me.

“We’ll be there,” I say, praying Theo goes along with it for now. We can figure out a way out of this later.

Luckily, he doesn’t get a chance to. Abigail walks up behind Ethel, allowing for a change in conversation.

“Lily, dear. It’s so nice to see you.” Her eyes glance over my shoulder, widening only slightly when she sees Theo standing there. “And you too, Theo.”

“Hi, Abigail,” he says, and I feel rather than see the smile in his voice.

“I must say, this is a lovely surprise.” She turns to me with a bright smile as Ethel looks on. “Lily, I see you’ve stopped running.”

My stomach churns. Guilt has a funny way of smacking you with reality. I’m lying to the one person who has taken me under her wing since I moved into town. She thinks this thing between Theo and me is real.

She’s wrong. I haven’t stopped running. It’s the one thing I’m good at.