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IZZY

A week passed. I refused to fall into a black hole I couldn’t pull myself out of. It didn’t matter if Jason couldn’t trust me. The only important thing was that I could take care of myself, so that’s precisely what I did. I had little experience with work, but if I was going to be independent, I needed to start somewhere.

I was able to get a job at the bank working as a teller. It was nothing glamorous, but just the idea that I had somewhere to go every day and a paycheck at the end of the week brightened my spirits. After that, I went shopping for new clothes, hauling Eva and Vira along with me for their knowledge. I had no idea what was considered in fashion, but I wasn’t about to go to work in sweatpants.

I felt considerably better when all was said and done, but even as I stared at my new outfits hanging in my closet, I realized nothing would ease the ache in my chest that formed after my conversation with Jason.

“You have a visitor,” Vira said from my doorway.

“Eva?”

She shook her head. “Carli.”

I sat up as hope filled my chest. “Jason’s here?”

“No. She ran over here on her own,” she said with a smirk. “Should I tell her to leave?”

“No.” I wouldn’t turn her away. Even if Jason and I weren’t together at the moment, I would never hurt Carli like that. “I’ll come down.”

My nerves were jumping like crazy as I descended the stairs. Carli sat on the couch, swinging her legs as she waited, and the moment she saw me, she jumped up and ran over to me, smiling like crazy.

“I missed you!”

I nearly fell backward as she plowed into me. “Hey, I missed you, too.”

“Why haven’t you come over?” she asked, her eyes wide and confused.

“Um…well, I had some things to take care of. I got a job!” I tried to force as much enthusiasm into my voice as possible, but I failed miserably.

“Daddy’s sad. He just sits on the couch.”

That didn’t sound like Jason at all. “Maybe he just needs a hug from you.”

She pursed her lips, shaking her head at me. “I gave him lots of hugs. Maybe…could you come over?”

The thought of going to him now sent fear spiking through me. I could still see the look on his face when he told me he loved me. I knew he did. I felt it, but how was I supposed to be with someone who thought I would lose it at any moment and possibly harm his daughter?

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, peanut.”

Her face fell instantly. I knew she was trying to hide her tears from me, and as much as I wanted to help her, I wasn’t her mother. I didn’t mean anything to her. That was her dad’s job.

“You know, I think your dad just needs a few days and then he’ll be back to normal.”

“Are you leaving me, too?” she whispered.

“What?” I got down on my knees, grasping her arms as I studied her sad face. “Why would you ask that?”

“Because Daddy looks like he did when he brought me home.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s sad. Just like when he found out Momma went to heaven.”

If he was so sad, why hadn’t he come to me? If that was even the reason why… “Sweetie, I’m sure your daddy is fine?—”

“I don’t want you to leave me, too!” she cried, flinging her arms around my neck. Her tears instantly slid down my skin and I held her tight, feeling myself tear up as I held her. After all this time, I hadn’t realized how attached I’d grown to Carli. It was a connection I’d tried to push away for the longest time, but holding her in my arms, I realized that I wasn’t just hiding from Jason. I was hiding from what I hoped to have with Carli.

“Sweetie, I’m not leaving. I promise. I’m right here.”

“But you won’t see Daddy!”

I rubbed my hand up and down her back, sighing when I realized what I had to do. “How about this…Let’s go see him together.”

She pulled back and wiped at the tears on her face. “Right now?”

“Right now,” I smiled. “It’ll be fine. I promise you.”

I took her hand in mine and led her out of the house, walking toward hers. She chatted the whole way, telling me about what she’d been doing. But I could hardly hear her over the hammering of my heart. With every step we took to her house, all I could think about was how Jason looked at me and the words he said. What would I say when I saw him? Would he be mad that Carli came to my house without his permission?

I didn’t have time to dwell on it too much because Jason was already on his way to us. I didn’t realize my feet stopped moving until Carli started tugging on my hand. I looked down at her, unable to say a thing.

“Izzy,” Jason said, his voice gruff as he stared at me.

His eyes were darker than I’d ever seen and the scruff on his jaw had become a full-blown beard. He looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks. Now I understood why Carli was so upset.

“Hey.”

Yeah, that was all I could come up with. What did you say to the man who thought you were at risk of slitting your wrists or turning into a crazy person?

He cleared his throat, his eyes flicking to his daughter’s. “I’m sorry she bothered you.”

“She didn’t,” I said quickly, afraid Carli would think I didn’t want her around.

“Can we talk?” he asked, for the first time looking unsure of himself.

Again, my gaze flicked to Carli. Now was not the time to hash out our issues.

“We could go to the playground,” he suggested.

The guys had all gotten together recently and installed a playground for the kids so they wouldn’t have to go into town to swing and climb on the monkey bars. I didn’t think that was the best place either for this conversation, but he had his daughter to think about.

“Sure.”

The silence was awkward as we walked across the property. Not even Carli spoke. It was like she knew this was some pivotal moment in our relationship and she didn’t want to spoil it. But as soon as the playground came into view, she took off, forgetting the fact that her dad was sad.

“How have you been?” he asked as we stopped by a picnic bench.

“Good. No slicing and dicing if that’s what you’re worried about.”

He ignored the biting tone of my voice and slid his fingers through mine. “I wasn’t,” he said softly. His eyes remained focused on our joined hands. “I wasn’t really worried about you. I know you don’t believe me, but…you asked if I was worried about whether or not you would relapse.” His eyes rose to meet mine. “I worry about it all the time, but not because I think you’re incapable of moving past what happened to you.”

“That’s not the way you made it seem.”

“Because I couldn’t find the words.”

“And you can now?”

I didn’t want to be a bitch to him, but he hurt me. His lack of faith killed something inside me that was starting to grow back.

Sighing, he turned and watched his daughter playing on the swings. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about what happened. Not just with you, but with Leah. I’m not scared you’re going to hurt yourself, but I’m terrified of something happening to you.”

“That’s not what you said,” I snapped.

He huffed out a laugh. “I didn’t say a lot of things. Yeah, it does scare me that you might relapse. That asshole had a strong hold over you, and I witnessed that first hand. I worry that he’ll find a way to worm inside your head again when I least expect it and that I won’t be able to help you. But I also know you worked hard to break free from his hold.” He turned to face me again. “I saw the difference when you came back, and I knew it would be a long road for you. But I saw how you changed, how you started to become your own person again. Watching you taste ice cream for the first time in years, getting to see you choose furniture, the sheer fucking joy on your face when you came home with your car…those are things I got to witness, and he can’t take any of that joy from you. And after seeing you change so much, I don’t think he’ll ever be able to take control of you again.”

I softened at his words, but I still had so many questions. “Then what are you afraid of?”

“That I won’t be there for you.”

“Jason, you didn’t do anything to Leah.”

He shook his head. “It’s not just Leah. I have a tough job. Things happen. Look at Knight. But it’s not just me anymore. I have Carli to think about.”

I waited for him to say that he didn’t trust me with his daughter, but the words never came.

“She’s already lost one mother. It’s not fair of me to ask you for more than you’re ready to give.”

“Again, that’s my decision,” I argued.

“It is, but it’s also my responsibility. I won’t let her get attached to you if you’re going to move on without us. But I also can’t stay away and pretend that I’m not in love with you—that my heart wasn’t breaking since you walked out the door.”

“You didn’t come after me,” I whispered.

“I didn’t think you wanted me to.” He shoved his fingers through his hair and stood, staring down at me with an intensity I knew all too well. “Izzy, I’ve never had a relationship before. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, and I don’t know what you need to move past the thirteen years you were trapped on that island. But I want to be there for anything you’ll let me be part of…even if that means I have to step aside.”

“That’s not what I want,” I said immediately. I pushed to my feet and slid my hands around his neck, tangling my fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. “Jason, I hardly think my experience with men is anything to go off of. I probably know just as much as you. And I’m not a mother, but I’m falling in love with your daughter, and I hate being away from her.”

His lips twitched. “More than me?”

“I prefer not to say. I would hate for you to think you come in second.”

“Lie to me,” he whispered.

“I love you, and I don’t know how long it will take us to find out who and where we are, but I know I’m happier with you and Carli than I ever have been in my life.”

A low growl rumbled through his chest as he pulled me tighter to him. “Be careful. I might ask you to stay with me.”

“No demands?”

He shook his head. “I will never take your choices away again. I fucking swear it.”

“And if I want to stay?”

His eyes flared with heat. “Then I’ll make sure you know every fucking night just how much I love having you in my bed.”

I flinched as Carli tugged on his shirt. “Why do you love having her in your bed?”

I flushed bright red, burying my face in his shirt.

He cleared his throat, chuckling uncomfortably. “Because she keeps me warm at night.”

“Daddy, you’re always warm,” she chastised. “Can we get ice cream now? I got her to come out of her house.”

I gasped as I stared at Jason’s beet red face.

“That was supposed to be our secret,” he muttered.

“Jason, did you bribe your daughter with ice cream so you could see me?”

Carli giggled as Jason shifted, taking her hand in his big one. “I plead the fifth. And you,” he said to his daughter, “we’re going to work on keeping secrets.”

“You told me secrets are bad.”

“I did,” he sighed, glancing over at me. “Am I still forgiven?”

“That depends.”

“On what?”

“Are you going to kiss me?”

“All the fucking time.” His lips crashed down on mine and he wrapped me up in his arms, holding me tight. This was right. Exactly what I needed. I was a fool to stay away for an entire week. I never wanted that much space from him again, even if that meant I had to give up the freedom of my house to stay with him. Because I already knew that was what I really wanted. Just the three of us, learning to start over as a family.

“Eww! Daddy, you kissed her with your tongue!”