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16

ISABELLE

Looking out the window, I watched other patients wander around the property. I had started doing that from time to time, only recently taking that leap of freedom. The first day was weird. Putting my foot on the grass and knowing it was for me and not for anyone else was…well, it was unlike anything I could even describe.

But over the past two weeks, I’d stayed outside a little longer every day. It made me wonder what other freedoms I might enjoy that I had never even considered since I made it back from the island.

A knock on the door pulled me out of my thoughts and I glanced over my shoulder, smiling at Doctor Ellsworth. “Hi.”

“Is today a bad day?”

I didn’t understand until I saw the time. “I’m so sorry, Dr. Ellsworth. I got distracted looking outside.”

“It’s fine. And call me Linden. Do you still want to meet?”

I looked back at the freedom waiting for me, and made a decision that had been weighing on me for a few days now. “Yes. I’d like to walk outside, if that’s okay with you.”

She seemed surprised by my request, but nodded and waited for me to slip on my shoes. Once we were outside and far enough away from the building, she peeked over at me. “What would you like to talk about today?”

The bright sun warmed my face and made my shirt cling to me from the heat, but I had learned over the past few days to embrace these things that I once took for granted.

“I wanted to talk about moving past Zavala’s hold on me.”

“You’ve never discussed this before,” she hedged.

I shook my head. I’d mostly stuck to the trauma I’d faced on the island. We’d discussed everything from the first few days of my capture and the utter terror I felt to the abuse I dealt with on a daily basis, both from the guards and Zavala.

But I’d never hedged into the territory of how he controlled my mental state. It was always there in the background. Obviously, he controlled my actions by abusing me until I complied, but delving into how to move past it…that was another subject.

I walked over to a bench under a large tree, feeling protected by the leaves shading us. But as I tried to speak the words, I found it harder to talk about than I imagined. Why could I open up about the abuse so easily, but this was nearly impossible?

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” she said softly.

But I did. My days at the hospital were numbered. She’d already told me I was ready for outpatient treatment. It would only be a matter of days before I would leave here and be on my own, and before that happened, I needed to talk to her about this.

“I told you about how he locked me in the cell. You know what that was like for me.” She nodded. “After he let me upstairs, for a while, I complied. I did as he asked because I was terrified of returning to the basement. But I was always looking for a way out, and one day I found it. He called me into his office. I didn’t know what I was doing there. He asked me to sit down and talk to him.

“I was so stiff, wondering what I had done wrong that time. Minutes passed where I questioned everything I had done over the last week, but I couldn’t think of anything. And then one of his guards burst into his office and said something about…something urgent happening. Zavala rushed out of the room, and I should have realized then that it was a trap, but I was so relieved that the focus was off me that I didn’t take the time to think things through.

“When I saw he left his phone on his desk, I didn’t waste a second grabbing it. I dialed my mother’s number instantly.” Tears filled my eyes as I remembered what that phone call cost me. I shook my head, taking a deep breath. “Before the call could even connect, I heard him behind me. He stood there…just watching me. He was waiting for me to screw up. It was like he wanted it to happen so he could punish me.”

“What happened?”

I refused to go back to those memories. They were too painful, but somehow…

“Have you been a good girl?”

“No,” I whispered.

Pain erupted through my jaw as he struck me hard, cracking the bone. “Don’t lie to me, Isabelle. “I’m always watching. Always.”

I squeaked out a painful moan as I was pulled back into the memory.

Tremors wracked my body as I pulled at the chains that kept my chilled body bolted to the wall. My entire body ached and I was pretty sure I had more than a few broken bones from his hands. I was grimy, covered in piss and shit. My hair hurt from not being washed. I wanted to die.

“Please,” I whispered as he turned for the door. “Don’t leave me.”

He turned, smiling at me in that way he always did. Striding back over, I flinched as he raised his hand to me, but this time, he caressed my cheek. His hand warmed my skin, providing much-needed relief.

“My dear, you’re so cold.”

“Freezing.”

“Do you know why?”

I nodded, knowing exactly why I had been down here for the last month. “I disobeyed you.”

“Isabelle, these rules are here for your protection. I need you to understand that.”

I nodded again, and this time, when he leaned in, he pressed a kiss to my forehead. I melted against him, whimpering at the feel of human contact.

“I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“No!”

His face instantly hardened. “Isabelle.”

I dropped my eyes, my stomach hollowing at the disappointment in his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Tomorrow.”

I nodded, my eyes only flicking back up when I heard his footsteps on the stairs.

* * *

Three days had passed, and he returned every day just as he said he would. Each day, he stayed a little longer. Hope lit in my chest that I might make it out of this basement, that I wouldn’t die in here. Today, he wasn’t alone, and that scared me more than anything.

Instead of the hope that I felt the past few days, terror swarmed me, making me curl in on myself. Was he handing the torture off to someone else? Had I displeased him? I clung to the wall, whimpering as they walked closer.

“Isabelle—”

“Please!” I shouted, knowing it would only get me in trouble. “Please, don’t let him hurt me!”

The back of his hand slammed across my face and I instantly dropped my eyes. Then his fingers pinched my jaw, forcing me to look up at him. “Don’t you ever speak out of turn like that. Do you understand me?”

I nodded, biting back the tears that filled my eyes.

“This is Dr. Bartholomew. I brought him to look after you, but clearly, you’re not ready for this.”

I squeaked, about to tell him I was, but just that squeak earned me a look of displeasure.

“We’ll revisit this at another time.”

And that was it. He nodded to the man and they walked away, leaving me alone again.

* * *

Twenty-three days had passed since I angered Ebarardo last. Since then, I had been the epitome of the perfect woman. I didn’t speak out of turn. I was more than grateful for anything he gave me. And when I thanked him for his gifts, I was rewarded the next day with even more. Just five days ago, the chains were removed from my wrists and legs for my good behavior.

So, when he walked down the stairs today, I was waiting for him just as he expected, with my head bowed and my hands crossed in front of me.

“There’s my girl. How are you today?”

“Very good, Ebarardo.”

“I brought a special treat for you today.”

My smile was bigger than ever as I thought of what he could have brought me that was better than before. He was so good to me.

“Would you like to know what it is?”

I nodded excitedly, eager for whatever gifts he would give me.

“Today, I am giving you the gift of becoming my wife.”

The smile on my face instantly dropped. His jaw hardened as he stared at me.

“Does this displease you?”

I blinked back tears, dropping my eyes. “No, Ebarardo. It’s just…”

“Just what? Do you think you’re too good to be my wife?” he bit out.

My head jerked up to look into his eyes. “No! Just the opposite!” My jaw trembled as I tried not to cry in his presence. I didn’t think he’d like it. “You’ve given me so much, but I…I’m not pretty enough for you. I’m dirty and ? —”

“Isabelle, my sweet girl,” he chuckled. “You will not be getting married down here. Today is the day we leave the basement and you join me upstairs. Are you ready?”

* * *

“I didn’t even realize what he had been doing to me. Over two months, he broke me, twisted me into this lovesick fool who would do anything for a psychopath.”

“He knew what he was doing, Isabelle. He was holding all the cards. You adapted to your environment to survive. There’s no shame in that.”

I swiped at the tear that slipped down my cheek. “Then why do I feel so disgusting?”

“Because a man took from you what you were not willing to give, and he did it for thirteen years. There was no one there to save you, so you did everything you could to keep going. You are so strong, Isabelle. I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but so many people would have broken already.”

“He was coming back for me,” I whispered, brushing away more tears. “A year after I left that island, he still came for me. And I’m afraid that he’ll come again.”

“Then you’ll keep fighting. Do you remember you told me that you kept hearing these voices before he reappeared, and you didn’t know what they were?”

“They were him. I remember him saying those things.”

She nodded. “I think your brain was trying to fight back, to remind you of who Zavala really was. Deep down, you knew you were at a breaking point and you needed the reminder that he was an evil man.”

I stared down at my shaking hands, saying the thing that terrified me most. “I don’t know that I’m ready to go back out there on my own.”

“I wouldn’t let you if I didn’t think you could handle it.”

“You can’t stop me,” I pointed out.

“But I would tell you,” she reassured me. “Isabelle, you broke through a really tough barrier when you chose to come here. I know you think you’re weak, but you are a survivor. I have no doubt that when you get home, you’ll figure out how to live for yourself and put him behind you.”

“How do you know?”

That knowing smile curved her lips. “I knew it the day you stopped calling him Ebarardo.”

I sucked in a breath, not even realizing I had done that. At some point, he had just become that evil man to me. I huffed out a laugh at the realization.

“Remember, strength doesn’t come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn’t.”

* * *

“You’re ready for this, Isabelle.” The nurse smiled at me kindly as I waited for Eva to pull the car forward. It had been a week since my talk with Dr. Ellsworth. She’d wanted to release me two days later, but I begged her for a few more days. I needed a few more sessions to be sure I wasn’t going to lose my mind the second I walked out of here.

They could lock me in a room here. I would be safe and protected. But out there…Out there, I was at the mercy of a demon who stole my life away. It would be a constant battle that I wasn’t entirely sure I was prepared to fight.

“Strength comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn’t,” I murmured to myself. I tapped my fingers against my thigh, counting to ten and then starting over again as I took another deep breath.

Dr. Ellsworth walked over to me, smiling brightly. “Do you have everything?”

“Does that include you?”

“Sorry, I can’t go home with you.”

I chuckled, taking another deep breath.

“You’ll do fine. Just keep reminding yourself that everything you do from this point forward is about you and only you.”

I nodded, swallowing hard as I watched Eva get out of the car. “It’s about me.”

“Exactly.”

When I didn’t say anything else, she turned me gently to face her. “Isabelle, you have lived for too long by someone else’s rules. For the next year, I want you to only think about yourself. Okay?”

I nodded again. I could do that. I could be selfish. I would be selfish.

“Hey!” Eva smiled at me, rushing inside to hug me. “You look fantastic!”

I let her wrap me in her arms even though I wasn’t used to such affection. Truthfully, being loved by someone was something I wasn’t used to. I found myself squeezing her tighter as I closed my eyes and let myself feel for the first time since my release from the island what it was like to have a person genuinely care for me.

When she stepped back, her eyes immediately went to my hand, but then flicked to my face. “You look like you’ve been spending time in the sun.”

“I have.”

“Good. Well, should we get going?”

This was it. There was no running back to my room and hiding. Once I walked out those doors, I was on my own.

I felt paper slide into my hand and recognized the feel of a business card. I turned back to Dr. Ellsworth with a frown. “Don’t forget to call me and set up an appointment.”

“I won’t.”

And I really wouldn’t. I could only imagine the things I would need to talk about after a week on my own. Maybe I could talk her into seeing me twice a week, or even three times.

Before I knew it, Eva was guiding me out to her car and I was strapped inside. It all passed in a blur of awkwardness. I didn’t know what to say to Eva, and she clearly didn’t know what to say to me. I was the deranged woman in her family that had to be handled with kid gloves. Not that I could blame her after what they walked in on that day.

“Dr. Ellsworth didn’t say what day you had to schedule an appointment for, but if you let me know, I’ll drive you.”

“Okay.”

“So, after what happened…that day, Vira and I figured that house might hold too many bad memories, so we moved you to a new house.”

I looked at her sharply, surprised by the announcement. “You switched houses because of what I did?”

“Well, we didn’t want it to cause any triggers.”

Triggers. Because they were afraid I would walk back in the room and slice myself up again, or pick up a ruler and slam it down on my hand repeatedly until I bled out on the floor.

“It would have been fine,” I mumbled, staring out the window.

“It’s not just for you. Vira wasn’t comfortable there anymore, either.”

“Because I bled all over her house?”

“Isabelle—”

“It’s fine,” I cut her off, wanting to drop the subject.

After a moment of silence, she tried again. “It really isn’t what you think. We just want the transition to be as easy as possible.” She sighed heavily. “I have a confession. I talked to Dr. Ellsworth and asked what would aid you best in your recovery.”

“You did what?” Anger surged in me that she would invade my privacy like that.

“I wanted to be sure that I could help in any way possible. You’re my sister-in-law. I have no other family besides you,” she said, her voice almost pleading. “I couldn’t stand it if I didn’t do everything I could to help you.”

I couldn’t fault her for that. Besides, I was very much in the position she was. I had a mother. She had an aunt. But after what happened…would it ever be the same? I wasn’t sure.

“What did she say?”

Her eyes darted to mine as if to check that I really wanted to hear. “She said that it was best to get rid of any reminders of Zavala. She said you needed a fresh start. And even though the house doesn’t technically have Zavala in it, I thought if you started over in a brand new house and made it yours…”

“You thought I wouldn’t freak out and try to stab myself or something.”

“Was that not okay? I’m sorry if I went too far,” she added, hurriedly.

A new house. To decorate and do my own thing with. “There’s no furniture?”

She shook her head, biting her lip. “Vira wasn’t sure if you’d want to live with her still. She said she could stay in the old house or move in with you. Whatever you want.”

I wasn’t sure I wanted to live alone. If I was struggling, there would be no one to talk to. Even knowing she was in the same house would be comforting.

“You don’t have to decide now. She’s staying in the old house until you decide.”

“Is this new house on the property?”

“Yes. It was supposed to be for one of the guys, but?—”

“I can’t take someone else’s house.”

She smiled at me, shaking her head. “You didn’t let me finish. It was supposed to be for Asher, but since he never came back to work here, the house is vacant. You’re not taking anyone’s house.”

“What will happen with our old house?”

“Well, either Vira will stay in it or we’ll use it as a guest house. Lord knows we have enough family members coming and going.”

It didn’t sound like a terrible plan, and at least I wasn’t putting anyone out. I was silent for the rest of the drive, considering what my life would be like now that I was out of the looney bin. The closer we got to home, the more my nerves skyrocketed. I hoped I could handle this. I prayed I was ready for this change in my life.

“It looks like everyone’s waiting for you,” Eva muttered as we pulled down the drive. “I told them not to, but it looks like, as usual, no one paid attention. I’m really sorry about this.”

The thought of having to talk to all these people right now was overwhelming. I wanted nothing more than to run upstairs and shove my head under a pillow. They all knew what had happened. I didn’t need their pitying looks every time I saw them.

But staying in the car wasn’t an option either. I blew out a harsh breath and flung the door open. What surprised me most was that Carli—Jason’s daughter—came running over to the car. I barely knew the girl, yet she had a get well soon card waiting in her little hand.

“Izzy! I made this for you!”

I couldn’t help but smile at the little girl. It was hard to ignore that infectious smile. “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

How much did she know? Did Jason tell her what happened? My eyes slowly lifted to meet his, but all I saw was caution. Was he worried I was going to hurt her? I would never harm a child. I understood that what I had done was scary, and it gave him every right to question my judgment, but I would never do anything to her.

“—and Vira made brownies with me!”

I crouched down when I realized that she was still chattering away and I had missed almost all of it. “Vira made brownies with you?”

She nodded wildly, then frowned as she cocked her head at me. “Are you still my friend?”

“Of course I am. Why?”

“Because you were gone a really, really long time.”

“Well, I was sick. I had to get better so I could come home.”

“That’s what Daddy said,” she pouted.

“Well, he’s right.”

“But now you can make brownies with me too!”

I smiled at her, but before I could answer, Jason was next to his daughter with a hand on her shoulder.

“Carli, she just got home. Let her breathe.”

His daughter pouted, taking a step back. “Okay. Can I see you tomorrow?”

I had no idea what I was doing tomorrow. Life was so overwhelming and thinking past walking through that door was just too much. But I also didn’t want to let her down.

For the next year, I want you to only think about yourself.

“Why don’t I get back to you on that,” I answered, smiling to break the disappointment. “I still have a lot to do in my new house.”

“Why did you move? You’re not as close now?”

I was pretty sure I was only a few houses away.

“Carli, let’s give her some space,” Jason said, tugging his daughter backward, but he didn’t move. His eyes tracked me as I shut the car door, watching my every move. Was he worried I was going to pounce on his child?

“You look good, Isabelle.”

Honestly, I had been expecting him to tell me to stay away from his daughter, which was kind of silly considering he was standing here waiting for me to get home. But he was the one who found me. He’d seen me at my worst. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if he didn’t want me around his child.

Before I could say anything, he turned and walked away with Carli.