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10

JASON

“Sorry about this,” Kavanaugh said, scratching the back of his neck uncomfortably.

“It’s fine,” I grumbled, staring at the top of the stairs where Isabelle had disappeared a few minutes ago.

“She took off from the house when I asked her why she went crazy on you,” Vira said. “Wanna tell me what that was about?”

I finally tore my gaze away from the hall and looked at the woman who stayed with Isabelle. “She thought I was going to hurt my daughter because I yelled at her.”

“Were you?”

That got my hackles up. I took a step toward her, ready to put her in her place for even suggesting something so asinine, when Kavanaugh stepped between us.

“Chill out. She’s just looking out for Izzy.”

“I would never hurt my daughter,” I snapped, glaring at Vira. “She means everything to me. I only yelled at her because she ran up the stairs to your house and I know Isabelle has a thing with strangers.”

“I didn’t figure you actually would hurt her. But Izzy needs to know that,” Vira pointed out. “It’s better if you find a way to show her that.”

“I did. I made sure I wasn’t a threat.”

“Then why did she run over here, sure that she needed to check on Carli?”

“I have no clue. Why don’t you ask her?” I argued.

“Alright, why don’t we all take it down a notch,” Kavanaugh sighed. “I think it’s safe to say that no one here would allow anyone to hurt a kid. And if Izzy needs that reassurance, we will do whatever we can to ease her mind. That being said, she can’t just barge over to other people’s homes and accuse them of child abuse.”

“She can come over here any time she wants to check on Carli,” I said instantly. “If that makes her feel better, I have no problem with it.”

“Seriously?” Kavanaugh asked.

I had to be crazy for even saying it, but yeah. “Knight asked us to look after her. He trusted us with her because we worked with Rafe. So yeah, if this is what she needs, then she can come over. She’s not hurting anyone by making sure Carli’s okay. As long as she doesn’t put shit in Carli’s head, it’s all good.”

Speaking of which, I probably needed to go up there and make sure she wasn’t filling my kid’s head with bullshit. I headed upstairs and frowned when I didn’t hear a damn thing. My hackles rose as I picked up the pace, but then I heard voices and a giggle the closer I got to her room.

Peeking around the corner, I saw them in the tent with their noses in a book. I leaned against the doorframe, watching as Carli practically climbed on top of Isabelle to hear the story.

“The end.”

“Read it again!”

“Again? But I’ve already read it twice.”

“Please?”

I rolled my eyes at the pleading in her voice. This kid could wrap anyone around her finger. “Carli, I think that’s enough for today.”

Carli sat up and put the most innocent look on her face. I knew in that instant that she had done this with her mother before. How the hell Leah ever got anything done with this face staring back at her was beyond me.

“It’s my favorite book.”

Isabelle sat up from where her long brown hair spilled all over the pillows. I tried not to notice how beautiful she was. Those big brown eyes could pull any man into those bottomless pits— Just like Leah. Fuck, I had screwed up so badly with Leah. I pushed her away, sure that I would only ruin her life, and look where that got me. I ended up getting her killed. Her daughter didn’t have a mother and it was all my fault. The last thing I needed in my life was to even look at another woman.

Besides, she was Rafe’s sister, and she was damaged. Thirteen years on an island had truly fucked with her head. And I had my own baggage to deal with, along with a brand new daughter I was just getting to know. There was zero room in my life for any kind of complications.

I dragged my eyes away from her and focused on my daughter. “I’m sure it is, but Isabelle isn’t going to read to you all day.”

“But she came to see me.”

“I should probably go.” Isabelle scooted out of the tent as demurely as possible.

“Are we gonna make brownies tomorrow?”

“We can.”

“Daddy?”

Carli turned to me with pleading eyes. I just couldn’t say no. “Yeah, we can.”

The beaming smile I got made my day a little brighter, making me forget for just a second that I had been too late to save her mother. I walked over and held out my hand to help Isabelle off the floor. She appraised my hand for a moment before deeming it safe to take. The moment our skin touched, a strange feeling rushed through me. I didn’t know how to describe it, but it was almost like it just felt right to touch her.

The idea that a touch could feel right was puzzling. I shook off the feeling and stepped back, releasing her as I found anywhere to look but at her.

“I should go,” Isabelle murmured, hurrying past me.

Clearing my throat, I didn’t move until I heard her bounding down the steps and rushing out the door. Carli was back in her tent playing, giving me a reprieve to pull my shit together. I had no fucking clue what all that was about, but it had to end.

I prayed everyone was long gone when I finally headed downstairs with Carli on my heels. She was babbling about Isabelle reading her a story, telling me how much she loved having her in the tent.

I whirled around, not wanting to hear another word about Isabelle. “Hey, what are we gonna do for lunch?”

“Pizza!”

“We had pizza last night.”

“Pizza rolls!” She giggled behind her hand. The whole thing was so funny to her.

“What about peanut butter and jelly?”

“Pizza!”

I could see this was going nowhere fast. “Alright, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll get pizza today if tomorrow we can have…mushrooms!”

“Ew!” she squealed. “Gross!”

“You said you wanted pizza.”

“Daddy, mushrooms are gross!”

“Fine, how about…” I pretended to think. “Liver and onions.”

She scrunched up her nose at that and shook her head.

“You don’t even know what that is.”

“It sounds gross.”

“Fine, what do you like?”

She grinned at me, and we both said, “Pizza.”

* * *

“Did you brush your teeth?”

Carli turned and smiled wide for me, showing me her beautiful white teeth. “Did I do a good job, daddy?”

“Yeah, baby. You did a good job.”

“I sang my ABCs just like momma taught me.”

Well, that explained the toothpaste all down the front of her pajama top. “You sang while you were brushing?”

She nodded with a smile. “Twice!”

“Was there any toothpaste left in your mouth?”

“Yes, silly,” she giggled.

There was also quite a bit of toothpaste in her hair. I’d have to give her a bath in the morning. “We’d better pull your hair back next time we brush your teeth. You have it in your hair.”

“Momma always put my hair in a pony O.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me, stinker?”

She shrugged, then ran past me into her bedroom, laughing the whole way. I stood and rinsed out the sink, but when I saw the toothpaste dripping down the front and splashed all over the vanity, I knew I would need to bring a rag in here and clean the whole damn thing up. I flicked off the light and headed for the bedroom. Maybe I needed to supervise her, after all.

“Ready for bed, baby girl?”

She was already under the covers with her arms out, but instead of a smile on her face, she looked absolutely devastated.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“I want momma.”

“I know, baby.” I slid my hands under her arms and tugged her out from under the covers. Once she was tucked into my side, I held her close, rubbing my hand up and down her back. Her sobs broke my fucking heart, and it hit like this out of nowhere. We’d be fine, and then she’d just break down in tears. I didn’t know how to help her or make it better. I wasn’t cut out for mending broken hearts.

I rocked with her for a good forty-five minutes before she finally fell asleep. Slowly, I laid her down, careful not to wake her. The nightlight was on, casting a Disney image on the ceiling that would hopefully make her happy if she woke up in the middle of the night.

By the time I cleaned up the bathroom and headed downstairs, it was after nine o’clock and I was exhausted. I had no fucking clue that having a kid was so tiring.

“Going to bed already?” Johnny asked, scaring the shit out of me.

“Jesus,” I snapped, holding my hand over my chest. “What the fuck are you doing here?” I walked over to the fridge and yanked it open, grabbing a beer.

He caught the one I tossed him and popped the lid. “Just thought I’d check on you. Make sure you weren’t ready to kill yourself.”

“And why would I do that?” I slid onto a stool across from him, taking a drink of my beer.

“I still can’t believe you have a fucking kid.” His eyes widened as he shook his head. “I can’t believe Tahlia knew about it and didn’t say a goddamn thing. She knows that kid. She has a relationship with her.”

“I’m aware,” I bit out.

“I should turn her ass black and blue for that.”

That just made me laugh. “What would be the point? She’d enjoy it too much.”

“Probably,” he muttered. “I contacted Cash. Jack and I are going to retrieve Leah’s body tomorrow.”

And just like that, the whole world came crashing down. I was doing everything possible to keep her at the back of my mind where her death couldn’t hurt me. It was hard enough with Carli as a constant reminder of my utter failure. But now she was coming home. Her body would be here. I would have to bury her— to see the evidence of her damaged body.

I squeezed the neck of the bottle, forcing the rage and anguish down to the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t afford to lose my shit right now. Carli was upstairs and she needed me to hold it together.

“Did he say who killed her?”

He shook his head. “It’s like he’s Rafe. No answers, no talking. He’s just…dead inside.”

“He told me to forget it, to walk away. How the hell am I supposed to do that?” I looked up at him as I fisted my hands. Carli’s upstairs. Keep it together. “How the hell am I supposed to walk away when my child is crying herself to sleep every night?”

“You have to. For her sake.”

“You didn’t see her,” I said, shaking my head. “You didn’t see her in that chair. Her head tipped back and her hair…” I choked back the anguish, swallowing hard. “There was so much fucking blood. I can’t walk away from that.”

“So, you’re gonna go on a killing spree with Cash, is that it?”

I glowered at him for how he spoke to me.

“You’re going to decide that taking your revenge is more important than that little girl upstairs.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“It really fucking is,” he snapped. “She’s already lost one parent. What the fuck is it gonna take for you to realize she can’t lose another one? You think crying herself to sleep now is bad? Wait to see how she reacts when you’re gone, too. Oh, but that’s alright. Tahlia will be around, right? I’m sure she’ll be a good substitute for a parent. What was I thinking?”

“I get it,” I snapped.

“Or maybe you want to abandon your whole family like Cash did. Maybe it’ll make you feel better to be that fucking selfish. At least you won’t have to deal with the shit at home. All that crap like dealing with a crying child can be difficult. It’s better to shove it off on someone else. Just like Cash is shoving his wife and kids off on all of us—along with his company.”

“I said I fucking got it!” I shouted, immediately cringing, hoping I didn’t wake Carli.

When we didn’t hear any movement upstairs after a minute, Johnny continued in a quiet voice. “I know it’s hard, and I know you want to do something, but this is one of those times when you need to set all that shit aside and take care of your family. You’re all that little girl has, and she’s counting on you to be there for her.”

I ducked my head, knowing he was right. “Yeah.”

“You’re not in this alone. Why don’t you talk to Tahlia tomorrow and figure out the details for Leah’s funeral?”

“Sure.”

“Thanks for the beer.”

He clapped me on the back on the way out. I finished my beer and shut off the lights downstairs. Once I was in my room, I turned on the TV and tried to drown out my thoughts with whatever movie was on. But no matter how long I stared at the screen, all I saw was Leah’s bloodied face.

“Daddy?”

I sat up, twisting to see Carli in my doorway. “Hey, baby girl. What’s wrong?”

“I had a bad dream.”

“You did?” She nodded, her little lips twisting to the side. I almost got out of bed to take her back, but we were both having a shit night, and I just couldn’t do it. “Do you want to come sleep in my bed?”

She nodded quickly and then came running, jumping up into bed with me. The little doll in her arms was tucked in tight beside her as she snuggled under the covers. I bent over and kissed her on the forehead, then laid down beside her.

“Daddy?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“I’m scared.”

Those words tore my heart out. I was right beside her, yet she was still scared. I didn’t know how to make that better. She needed something funny. Something that would take her mind off whatever her dream was.

“How about we watch a movie?”

“Really?” she asked, her eyes wide and innocent.

“Yeah. I’ll let you pick.”

And that was how we started our nightly tradition of watching movies in bed. Was it the right way to go to sleep? Probably not, but my little girl felt safe, and as she slept in my arms, I was comforted that she wasn’t quite so scared at night.